Monday, January 31, 2011

Super Bowl in Chicago? Get Real...

So Chicago mayoral candidate Gery Chico wants to bring the Super Bowl to Soldier Field...  What an idiot.  I could care less about the weather being a problem, the main issue I see is that Soldier Field is TERRIBLE...  No wonder this idiot is trailing Rahm Emanuel and Carol Mosely Braun.  At least he clearly has his priorities in order...  Chico, get real...

Friday, January 28, 2011

Antonio Cromartie - One Stupid Motherfucker (Literally)

Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie is the latest entrant in the Asshole of the Year contest (though the most egregious of his transgressions span multiple years, women, and states).  He is also in the running (against Cam Newton and other Auburn football players) for the Most Stupidest Motherfucker Award.

On Monday, he ripped NFL and union leaders over negotiations for the new collective bargaining agreement.  Showing off his truly astounding intelligence, here are some of his comments:
  • "To me, you need to stop bitching about it.  And if you wanna say you're gonna get into a room and meet and greet, and say you're gonna do what you need to do, then do it. Don't just talk about it."  (keep in mind his 'do it, don't just talk about it' statement later)
  • "Especially when you don't get no information about nothing from the union or the owners.  So to tell you the truth they need to get their damn minds together and get this [expletive] done. Stop bitching about money. Money ain't nothing. Money can be here and gone. Us players, we want to go out and play football. It's something we've been doing and we love it and enjoy it. It's our livelihood." (I hate when I don't get no information about nothing)
  • "I mean, that's how I feel.  Honestly, I don't give a damn if they get mad at me or not, but it's getting to a point where it's getting ridiculous when everything is always dealing with money. You're basically dealing with people's livelihoods. That this is what we do for our careers, and you're dealing with hundreds of thousands of other people that's in this workplace also, from the venues to everyone else." (note how he pretends to care about peoples livelihoods, and many people potentially losing their jobs)
  • "... I mean, you've got our head union reps acting like a [expletive].  And they've got their guys acting like them [expletive], so they just need to get their [expletive] together and get it done."
Mind you, Cromartie is a free agent now, and due to the uncertainty of the next CBA, his contract status for next year is up in the air.  But the real thing to remember is that CROMARTIE HAS 9 KIDS, FROM 8 DIFFERENT WOMAN, ACROSS 6 STATES!!!  Could this be the reason he is so interested in a new CBA?  As it is, he had to take out a $500,000 advance upon signing with the Jets to cover "custody-related costs."  How is it that someone who has made over $12 million during the course of his career hasn't taken care of these issues, or even saved any of that money to take care of these issues?  This stupid motherfucker (up to at least 8 mothers fucked now) needs a new contract to take care of his kids, whose names he even has trouble remembering!!!  Talk about caring about peoples livelihoods...  I feel bad for his kids.

But back to his statements about the CBA...  After his statements, Ray Lewis and Darnell Dockett called him out, expressing confidence in the leadership of the player's association.  Cromartie responded (like a little bitch, via Twitter, of course): 
  • "I don't give a who about Ray Lewis or [Darnell Dockett] talking about what I said." 
Seattle QB Matt Hasselbeck also responded to Cromartie's inarticulate blabber with the following tweet: 
  • "Somebody ask Cromartie if he knows what CBA stands for."

Yet to this (which was subsequently taken down by Hasselbeck), Cromartie responded:

  • "hey Matt if u have something to then say it be a man about it. Don't erase it. I will smash ur face in."
So I guess he only doesn't "give a who" about people say who can beat the shit out of him and are black, but the second a weaker white guy says anything, Cromartie wants to get all tough, and threaten violence...  Yet, by his own words, this little bitch should "do it" and not "just talk about it." 

And all of this doesn't even bring up him calling Tom Brady an asshole, or threatening Hines Ward with violence before the AFC Championship, saying the remedy for Ward's dirty play was "Grab his ass by the throat and choke the s--- out of him."

With his passion for smashing faces and choking the shit out of people, I'm sure he is a great father to his multitude of kids, whatever their names are (and who knows, he might have a few more out there by the time anyone reads this)... 

Antonio Cromartie, you are truly one of the Most Stupidest Motherfuckers out there, and are the epitome of Asshole...

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Asshole of the Year - Robert G Burton

Who is this man, and why is he the Asshole of the Year (so far)?  Apparently, Robert G. Burton is the chairman and CEO of Greenwich-based Burton Capital Management, LLC, who has donated over $7 million to the University of Connecticut football program.  Which is fine, he can do what he wants with him money, but now he has the audacity to complain and ask for $3 million back and to have his name taken off the team's on-campus facility because like a little bitch, he isn't happy with athletic director Jeff Hathaway...  Go cry me a fucking river, you worthless piece of shit... 

Given the clear intention of the money as a gift, and the fact that UConn has a signed donor agreement with this asshole, I hope he gets nothing.  Plus, his name has been on the building for over 5 years.  In fact, UConn should sue him for any legal costs from fighting this bullshit situation, and for lost potential revenue, as naming that building after anyone else would probably have at least made the Uconn football team somewhat competitive on the BCS level, instead of just getting an automatic bid for a season almost as shitty as Robert Burton's reputation is now... 

Probable quote from bitchface Burton:
  • "Waaaa...  the school didn't keep me in the loop about the hiring process of the next coach..." 
  • To which Uconn should say "FUCK YOU, HERE IS A LOOP OF ROPE, GO CHOKE YOURSELF."  Who the fuck is he to have any say whatsoever about who Uconn hires as football coach?
An actual line from one of his letters: 
  • "I was not looking for veto power," Burton said in the letter, according to The Day. "Your lack of response on either of these requests tells me that you do not respect my point of view or value my opinion." 
  • To which UConn should have replied "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?  Besides a self-important asshole who has nothing better to do than donate money to a 2nd rate school's 3rd rate football program.  At least give it to the school for academics, but noooo...  you want to feel like a big-swinging dick.  Well, you certainly are a dick." 
This guy is so far up his own asshole that he actually thinks they will give him the money back?  I hope they burn his money, and change the name of the facility to the Bitchface Burton Bomb Shelter, but instead of using it as an actual bomb shelter, just continuously blow shit up in it, including Robert G Burton...

Full story available at ESPN here.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Bitterness is a dish best served...

Not warm, not cold, just served.

Last night was poker night, and it was a grand night indeed.  It started off with the battle for the Cheesesteak for America!!!!!  But then some non-American's started joining, which just made it what some would call a homosexual cheesesteak party.  Some might be offended by such a proclamation, but I will throw it out loud and pround, to represent for DarDar and his band of idiots...  But the real idiots were those with katsup on one chiz-steak, and the mush on the other...  bunch of idiots...

The second genius idea was to play a cash game.  Who was in favor?  Hmmm... look at all the hands up... WAIT, THERE AREN"T ANY!...  But Bao's in charge, of our days, and our nights...  bao's in charge of our wrongs and our rights....

But despite Bao's idiocy, there were a lot of great things that happened.  JR decided to be a J, and steal money from me (and then rationalize it because I won the hand)...  But at least I finally took down my nemeses... Bow and Gildo...  Actually, they are not my nemeses, but But I'm looking forward to the Mann losing all of the Blindian tribes money... 

Waaaa... what does any of that even mean?

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Adventures In Getting To Work

So last night my personal driver, DarDar, was apparently up all night drinking...  Ahhh, to be young and naive again.  This is becoming a pattern of his, and I usually am aware of it based an receiving a text message between the hours of midnight and 3 AM saying something to the effect of "call check me at 7:30," indicating he has been drinking and will conntinue to do so, therefore he probably won't wake up on his own volition. 

So I do that this morning, and to my surprise, I immediately get the following responses:
7:33 AM: "Omg$"
7:35 AM: "Woooooooooord"
7:37 AM: "We r deff goNna be late"

Turns out, this genius of a specimen decided to stay up all night by himself on a Wednesday, finishing off whatever beer was at his place, then moving on to vodka, and then topping it off with some gin.  All of which I could smell when he finally arrived at my place to pick me up at 8:30 (despite clearly being awake at 7:30 and living only 5 minutes away).

I was greeted with a loud "YOOOOOOO" and then informed that we might not make it in to work.  Luckily, we completed the death-defying 40 minute drive in successfully, though the following lines were uttered:
  • "We might not make it in today"
  • "I can't stop seeing two of the road"
  • "I see four lanes" (when there were only 2)
  • "staying between the lines is the hardest thing I've done in months"
  • "you better keep talking to me so we don't die"
I also put on a seatbelt voluntarily for the first time in months (I'm a bad boy), and DarDar took my lead after about 2 minutes.  You know it's bad when the driver, who usually doesn't wear a seatbelt, realizes how much of a menace he is, and decides to put one on...  It was the first time I've stayed awake for the full ride in in probably 6 months, as I clutched anything I could, bracing for impact, and praying for my safety through the multitude of swerves and near-misses.  I think I need a drink now...

 

Saturday, January 15, 2011

K-Dub... Why?!?!?!

K-Dub...  Atlantic City is my city where I was born from anotha motha much like you are my brotha from anotha motha...  I always like to keep my points active, so why you gotta forget about me?  Especially when you are showing up down there during the afternoon....  because Harrah's Chester or Parx = MUSH...  but when I have a reason to take advantage of a free room in AC,, that is the kind of change I can believe in... 

Win some money for the Killa Bees...  and then SWARM SWARM SWARM, like Uncle Leo at the bookstore...

Would Things Have Been Different If You Were In Charge Back Then

What the fuck do they interviewers think the interviewees are going to say when they ask them stupid questions?  No, People like to claim things would have been different if they were in charge.  BULL-SHIT... 

The above would apply to pretty much any political issue ever...  Which is even more of a reason to say FUCK POLITICS...  While Obama hasn't done a great job, he's done pretty much the same job that anyone would have done.  Because guess what...  a bunch of fucking assholes (aka everyone in politics) like to pretend to be tough guys... 

People- guess what- the president is a figurehead...  His only real power is the ability to veto anything he doesn't like (provided it doesn't have the support of everyone else).  In reality, if the economy is good, people will love the President despite what he actually gets done...  And now, how different are Obama's policies vs the Bush?  Not that different...  just ask GLG

What Would You Do

One of the most hilarious television shows on, yes, you guessed, it, television- Primetime: What Would You Do.  Tonight they did have a few segments that I enjoyed- the first two had to do with women getting disrespected.  I'm glad most people stuck up for the women.  I'll admit that I have disrespected my fair share of people in the past, but I am anti-disrespect of women.  Then the last segment was about gold-diggers, and this is where it got awesome.  They showed a clip of Kanye West's video for the song Golddigger, yet where in the real song he says "She ain't messing with no broke n****s" they put up "she ain't messing with no broke, broke"

ABC, GLG claims you guys come off as a bunch of "broke, broke" for doing that...  Either don't use the song, or at least come up with something better than that.  In fact, it is disrespectful to my fellow brothers who will be celebrating an important holiday on Monday to do such a disservice to Kanye...  you bunch of "broke, broke"

Friday, January 14, 2011

Death Penalty vs Life in Prison

If I were facing either life in prison or the death penalty, and they tried to offer me a deal to take the death penalty off the table, and I knew I did the crime and would likely be found guilty, I would laugh the prosecution out of the room.  In fact, I would only make a deal if I could choose the death penalty.  What kind of life would life in prison be?  Miserable, lonely, and rotten, and if anything, all of your loved ones/friends would feel even worse thinking about what you are going through...  If you're never getting out, why go through the trouble...  just end it and take the death penalty.  And then you might as well go out the easiest way possible- save the state some money while you're at it...  in fact, they should have serial killers on death row take care of killing the other people on death row...  in a way, they would be paying it forward (and they don't make movies out of bad ideas).  On psychopath who gets the death penalty gets to kill another.  Everybody wins (besides the families of the psychopath's original victims, but they lose no matter what, so it's a sunk cost).

I have similar feelings about people in pain dying a slow death.  They are better off being put out of their misery (at least if that is what they what- it shouldn't be forced upon them).  Unless there is an imminent cure coming, or at least some sort of clinical trial going on, where even if you die, you can at least help with the research, go ahead and end the pain.  Why go wasting the rest of your own, your family's, or the states money to unnecessarily prolong your life, which would only be filled with misery and pain?  Pull the plug... we all do it almost every day...

It's almost as bad as suicide being illegal...  I have the solution to that problem- anyone who attempts suicide but is unsuccessfull, and therefore breaking the law, gets arrested, and their punishment is the death penalty.  Everybody wins!!!

I wonder what GLG things of this?  Actually, I don't really care, but I figure he would enjoy another tag in a post...

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Strip Clubs + Airport = I'm Going to Dallas

Let me get this straight...  the airport thinks that taking the liquor license away will hurt this operation? 

http://travel.usatoday.com/flights/post/2011/01/dallas-fort-worth-officials-not-happy-about-strip-club-near-airport/137660/1

Hmmmm... spending an insane amount of money on overpriced club-provided drinks and seeing women who can't get fully naked, or bringing my own alcohol to see fully nude women with that much more money in my pocket to spend on "intangibles..."

Yeah, that's a real tough decision...

I hope Rick's starts their own shuttle to/from the airport.  The only issue would be the creepiness factor of some freak who opts for the pat down instead of the full body scan while going through security...  Although I guess if you run out of money at the club, you might as well try to get a GLG-patented $5 handy at the airport...  just don't pull the $5 trick...

When Animals Attack... GLG

Because some animals just don't give a fuck... especially when attacking GLG

http://www.cracked.com/article_18860_6-animals-that-just-dont-give-f2340k.html

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Don't Nobody Have More Smarter Educations Than Auburn

After winning the college football national championship, the Auburn football team reflects quite well on the quality of education that can be obtained at this institution of higher learning (or more likely learning how to get high for these players).  According to the Academic Progress Rate, Auburn finished 85 out of the 120 major college football programs.  A stellar job...  On top of that, another study showed that white players on the team graduated at a rate of 100% while black players were at only 49%.  Here are some quotes from these so-called STUDENT-athletes:

  • Auburn linebacker Josh Bynes- "Throughout the whole week of preparation and everything before this game, they hadn't showed not one defensive highlight"
  • Josh Bynes- “And, today, we did the same thing. I think that’s what this defense and this team was built on, the resiliency of going out there and playing to the final whistle.”
  • Auburn QB Cam Newton- "I don't want nobody to feel sorry for me, because throughout this year didn't nobody feel sorry for Auburn" 
  • Cam Newton- "It's not even sunk in"
  • Cam Newton- "This week, everyone knew the eyes was on the Auburn defense to see how they would respond to Oregon's offense"
At least their coach, Gene Chizik, is about as stupid as his players are, with this comment regarding the academic performance of his team- “We do a great job, so we’re not concerned with that.”  When pressed on the issue of graduating black players, Chizik said, “Those are circumstances; there’s all kinds of different things.” 
  • Another quote from the cunning linguist Josh Bynes about the black-white graduation rate disparity- “Maybe because it’s — never mind.  I don’t want to say nothing.”
For more on the shenanigans going on at Auburn, see this New York Times article.  In the meantime, hopefully the rest of the Auburn football team don't say no nothing about no thing...

Monday, January 10, 2011

Ed Reed's Brother as Motivation

Why are the Raven's claiming that the death of Ed Reed's brother was motivation for them in their playoff victory?  If in fact he died after jumping into a river upon being confronted by police in response to a stolen car report, how is that inspirational or motivating? 

"We need to be as motivated to win this game as Ed Reed's brother was to get away from the cops...  He was willing to jump into a river while not able to swim and risk his life rather than talking to the police- That is motivational!"

I'm sure it's a sad situation for Ed Reed and the family, but again, how is it inspiring or motivational?

I'm sure he was innocent too...

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Cracked Egg

Courtesy of GLG...  and anyone who actually pulls it off better credit the man who knew he was better off sleeping on the floor than going upstairs...