Saturday, April 23, 2011

2011 TargetRx Softball Game 1 Recap: New Season, Same Result...

Rumor has is that the 2011 TargetRx softball season began last week, and not a moment too soon, as I was running out of semi-coherent ramblings to post.  Based on the eyewitness accounts of GLG, Brain, and the Mad Elf (hiding in the woods hoping to catch a glimpse of any players needing to use the facilities mid game), it was a game that showed the vast potential of this year's team, yet ended as so many other TRx softball games do, with the sting of defeat. 

With Terry missing in action, Mike was called upon to handle the pitching duties and filled in admirably, showing deft control and stellar range.  On one play, he fielded a slow ground ball, and took off in a mad dash towards home, sliding in just ahead of runner sprinting from third base to secure the force out.  Luckily, Mike has better body control and is more compassionate than Josh, who would have trucked whoever got in his way.

With the opening day juices flowing (more on that to come later), the bats came alive for TRx early.  GLG and Bob "The Beast" Mento fueled the barrage, each picking up multiple RBIs.  Newcomer Gabriela, was pivotal to this onslaught, demonstrating TRx's willingness to do whatever it took, as during her first at-bat she fired the bat back towards the the Simplex catchers head.  If not for the gravitational pull of Greg's bulbous dome slightly decreasing the force of the bat, death was the likely outcome.  After surviving this initial attempted assault, on subsequent at-bats, both the catcher and ump wisely moved behind the fence to cower in fear and hold each other.

The TRx defense was strong in holding the early lead.  GLG almost had another of his patented over the shoulder catches in short left field, and later made a poor man's version on a ball hit to short right-center.  Aaron and Josh locked down left field, playing with reckless abandon.  James made his debut at first base, contending with swamp-like field conditions.  Luckily, he avoided attack from SyFy's latest hybrid-mutant creation, Croc-adillo-shark.

Coming soon to SyFy (or whatever that channel is named now)

Facing a 10-3 deficit and staring defeat in the face, Simplex's meathead manager quickly trotted off into the woods, while seemingly carrying two invisible tires.  As he emerged a short while later, with a big smile on his face, Simplex huddled in anticipation, and the Big Meat began to distribute their secret weapon- what he was surreptitiously referring to as OJ Simpson.  As each member began injecting The Juice into themselves (which sounds a lot like what is happening with him in jail), Big Meat quickly grabbed the needle out of his son's hands just before he was able to push the plunger.  Big Meat yelled "I didn't pay all that money for my son's education just to have you ump yourself full of roids!" as he then plunged the second needle into his neck.  Who ever would have thought the School of Hard Knocks cost so much...

When you have the opportunity to include a picture of The Juice, you HAVE to take it

Seconds after this occurred, a shady-looking TO stealthily emerged from the shadows, with a fresh wad of cash in hand, winking at Big Meat.  Coincidence?  I think not...  For TO, working in the pharma industry certainly has its perks.  In fact, TO's business sense and willingness to sell out his team for some short term profits seems like a fitting strategy for TargetRx.  I guess this backstory is better than if Big Meat were visiting the Mad Elf in the woods, especially with the smile on his face as he emerged...

As the juice began to kick in, the Simplex bats simply connected with ever pitch coming in.  Given only one girl on the Simplex team (there may have been another one earlier, but after all the testosterone masking agents and a few surgical procedures later, that switch was proverbially flipped a long time ago), TRx only needed to get two outs before the mandatory missing-girl third out would seal the victory.  Alas, it was not meant to be.  Simplex peppered the field and quickly overcame the 10-3 deficit, to win 11-10. 

After the game, Old Demps immediately ordered a mandatory "angry hour" at the Iron Abbey.  However, TO was the only one to show, willing to drink his profits away from his illicit deal with Big Meat, as ever one else quickly dispersed to not get caught in any roid-fueled retaliation for Gabriela's earlier assaults (or Dempsey profanity-laced tirades).

Next game is May 2nd at 5:15, where TRx will take on "Benedict" Krysta and Kellogg. 

Stay tuned for an official season preview.