tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34706543314075234272024-03-14T09:54:21.191-04:00Fat, Drunk, and StupidWriteups of TRx past sports glory and other miscellaneaUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger163125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-29375161190314324482012-01-15T18:02:00.000-05:002012-01-15T18:07:26.929-05:00From <a href="http://www.nypost.com/p/news/opinion/opedcolumnists/plague_of_the_pesky_millionaires_uu2Xqa1lQkt7dpk4rsvGLJ">Frank J. Fleming in the NY Post (Sept 26, 2011)</a><br />
<br />
President Obama has proposed a new tax on millionaires. You’re
probably thinking the same thing I am: Will this be enough to let
millionaires know how much we despise them? I’m afraid not.<br />
When
the recession first hit, we knew millionaires were the culprits. They’re
always behind the problems in this country. Many of us can barely sleep
at night knowing that millionaires are lurking out there with hearts
full of evil and pockets full of money.<br />
<br />
Most honest men are
careful to never let their net worth get anywhere near seven digits, but
not millionaires. They use dark tricks like “saving” and “investing” to
make their money grow to unnatural levels. It’s time someone put a stop
to it!<br />
<br />
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Some say that we should just ignore the millionaires -- that they
don’t harm us. Such people are naive fools, because millionaires ruin
our way of life. In these tight financial times, they’ve already taken
all the good jobs. <br />
<br />
How many times have you applied to be a CEO to find that the position has already been filled by some millionaire?<br />
<br />
And then they come into our neighborhoods, flashing their riches and
stealing our women. Who knows what else they’ll do given free reign? <br />
<br />
I
saw this horror movie -- I forget the name -- where a billionaire
dressed up as a bat and beat up poor people. How far is that from
reality? Probably not far enough. In the least, I’m sure millionaires
spend their evenings sitting in their Rolls Royces or dirigibles,
hugging their bags of money, while pointing and laughing at our small
bank accounts.<br />
<br />
And the worst thing is knowing where millionaires
got all their money: They took it from us! Millionaires create these
nightmarish things called “businesses” that do nothing but find new ways
to scam us out of our money. <br />
<br />
Long ago, people were happy to live
in dirt huts, but then millionaires and their businesses tricked us
into needing things like indoor plumbing, electricity, cars, TVs and
computers -- just so they could get more of our money. To afford these
things, some of us end up working in those despicable businesses
millionaires create. It’s a never-ending cycle of misery.<br />
<br />
I don’t
think President Obama’s millionaire’s tax will be enough to stop them.
We’ve singled out millionaires for higher taxes for ages -- the income
tax originally started as a way to take money from vile rich people --
yet they never seem to get the message: “We don’t want you here!”<br />
<br />
To really strike out against millionaires, we need some sort of “warfare” based on “class.” I’ll call it “rich-guy battling.” <br />
<br />
First,
we’ll have to single out the millionaires. There could be a millionaire
living in your neighborhood right now, and you don’t even know it! They
don’t always identify themselves by wearing top hats and monocles (or
bat costumes). What we need is a millionaire registry, so we can find
out where they’re hiding and keep away from them. I certainly don’t want
a millionaire dating my daughter.<br />
<br />
By subjecting them to scorn, we
can chase away the millionaires and make them live in their own
separate neighborhoods. We should also single them out on planes and
make them sit in their own section. Eventually, we’ll need laws to
punish the worst millionaire offenders.<br />
<br />
I say we start with
Warren Buffett. You may think he’s our friend for proposing the
millionaire’s tax, but he has far too much money to be considered
anything other than pure evil. He should be publicly flogged as a clear
message to everyone of what happens in this country if you make lots of
money.<br />
<br />
If we keep up our efforts, one day we could drive all
millionaires and their businesses from this country. Then we can go back
to our simple, honest lives living in dirt huts. <br />
<br />
When we reach that day, I will throw a great feast in celebration. Everyone within a week’s journey is invited.<br />
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<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-91479852088723889752011-11-17T20:07:00.001-05:002011-11-17T20:33:01.205-05:00College Sports Sexual Abuse Scandals - The Dominos Start To FallFollowing the Penn State-Sandusky scandal, in what is likely the first of many revelations about sexual abuse by coaches (be it college, high school, or even younger), Syracuse assistant basketball coach Bernie Fine is now under investigation for molesting a team ball-boy for more than a dozen years in the mid 1980s. Talk about giving the position "ball-boy" a whole new meaning... But on a series note:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.hlswatch.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/See_Something_Say_Something.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="292" src="http://www.hlswatch.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/See_Something_Say_Something.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
As a former youth and high-school athlete (who wasn't good enough to play in college), I can comment firsthand on the fact that the pyramid of power in any sports program (all the way down to the lower levels) is a tenet that is instilled from the first practice. You never question any coach (let alone any players) above you in the chain of command. They say with great power comes great responsibility, but in many cases, those with power abuse that responsibility. This happens in all walks of life (see: politics). <br />
<br />
I foresee an immense increase in sexual abuse allegations towards coaches in the coming weeks/months/years, at all levels of sports. When that happens, all the people who are vilifying Mike McQueary for not doing more (when it's not yet clear what he did or didn't do to stop the one incident he witnessed), will all have to look upon their own friends and neighbors with suspicion, as this is likely a much more widespread problem than anyone cares to admit.<br />
<br />
If this leads to greater funding for support for victims of sexual abuse, or at least greater awareness of the problem, then hopefully generations of future children can be better protected than those who have had to endure such abuses. It may very well lead to a dramatic decrease in voluntary participation on youth sports as well, which will have a ripple effect throughout high school and college sports for years to come, but if that protects children, that is an easy trade-off to make.<br />
<br />
And lastly, if you see something, say something. First, attempt to stop it from happening, but after that, it doesn't matter to who- say something to everyone you meet. Make sure enough people know that even if you personally don't think you can make an impact (even though you can), make sure SOMEONE can. After all,<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
"All that is necessary for evil to triumph over good is for good men to do nothing."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
-Edmund Burke</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-35400225219184312522011-11-17T17:36:00.001-05:002011-11-17T17:37:59.183-05:00Go Get Your Fuckin' Shinebox<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqHRfZw60QalUSNkv3SW2KQeLKnnhHnOdB4CZyhJ5BFLUUx1k2-GEjvafE96YiWUJGcxzG_9fA5jzEPSrsLH9OZkogATpy1dKhFfnxuBU5bAfckJukMMkDgvN-0seHbLvtTYt-F3jO7ss/s1600/shinebox.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqHRfZw60QalUSNkv3SW2KQeLKnnhHnOdB4CZyhJ5BFLUUx1k2-GEjvafE96YiWUJGcxzG_9fA5jzEPSrsLH9OZkogATpy1dKhFfnxuBU5bAfckJukMMkDgvN-0seHbLvtTYt-F3jO7ss/s320/shinebox.jpg" width="228" /></a></div>
<br />
An <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5S-H4uE0y0&feature=youtube_gdata_player" target="_blank"><u>iconic scene</u></a> from an even more <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099685/" target="_blank"><u>iconic movie</u></a>,
now you can either get your own fuckin’ shinebox, or in a seemingly
nice gift-giving way, send a warning to one of your mortal enemies,
suggesting they get their fuckin’ shinebox or suffer your wrath. Even
better, hang the poster up in their office/cubicle or put it on their
car windshield without telling them, and just keep giving them the
staredown while wearing the t-shirt to scare the bejesus out of them,
all thanks to this <a href="http://store.nakatomiinc.com/fuckinshinebox-shirtprintsetbyjonsmith.aspx" target="_blank"><u>print and t-shirt</u></a> set from Jon Smith, both for the low low price of $40.<br />
<br />
If you don’t go buy one right now, YOU better go get your fuckin’ shinebox…Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-45396518492102785782011-11-17T14:52:00.001-05:002011-11-17T17:40:11.162-05:00Protest the Black Friday Petitioners!Lot’s of news regarding the <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/black-friday-looms-workers-push-back-earlier-holiday-openings-article-1.978911?localLinksEnabled=false" target="_blank">petition</a>
started by a worker at Target and supported by over 100,000 others
protesting the opening of Target, Best Buy, Macy’s et al at midnight
Thanksgiving night in preparation for Black Friday, instead of the usual
3 AM - 6 AM openings that have plagued Black Friday’s past. These
petitioners are outraged by the mere thought of workers having to show
up at 11 PM Thanksgiving night, claiming this hardship would ruin what
is supposed to be a day spent with family.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFDt25kSN4RSVuY9ALA1Hg4CFuq3QHyJ-z3WPpBGT-v9mfXR-8zx0LPNnlKbW1b4PBsghCXlqXRx1wugLtMA3ExfZRVPZfphNL75S_rVS2HKUYSk39eMcXtV6to2gqOHDpdmV2xaOQbjw/s1600/black+friday.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFDt25kSN4RSVuY9ALA1Hg4CFuq3QHyJ-z3WPpBGT-v9mfXR-8zx0LPNnlKbW1b4PBsghCXlqXRx1wugLtMA3ExfZRVPZfphNL75S_rVS2HKUYSk39eMcXtV6to2gqOHDpdmV2xaOQbjw/s320/black+friday.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I for one, am firmly against these petitioners. In fact, I may have to start <a href="http://www.change.org/petitions/petitioners-against-black-friday-early-openings-stop-protesting-and-get-a-life" target="_blank"><u>my own petition</u></a>, in opposition to these petitioners (it’s all got a very PCU-feel to it, doesn’t it). My reasons are the following:<br />
<ul>
<li><span>People who are petitioning Target and other retail stores
to push back their openings to 5 AM are ruining a perfectly good excuse
for workers at these establishments to get away from their families.<span> </span>In
an age where family gatherings are more and more stressful for the
majority of society, any valid excuse to leave early, or avoid them
entirely should be celebrated, not protested.<span> </span>With the
dread of spending time with family during the holidays, some people
welcome this call of duty to help them get away- don’t take this perfect
excuse away from them.<span> </span></span></li>
<li><span>In addition, with unemployment as high as it is, many of these workers are thankful just to have a job.<span> </span>In
the grand scheme of things, what is going to help their family more- 2
more hours with them on a miserable Thanksgiving, where they get to “be
thankful” about all that they don’t have, or actually going to work, to
earn more money to support these very families.<span> </span>These petitioners are trying to take money out of the pockets of the elements of society who needs it most!<span> </span>And
if these workers in fact don’t need the money, and feel that strongly
about showing up at work at 11 PM, they are more than welcome to
continue to spend time with their family, and find another job.</span></li>
<li><span>These very petitioners who are aiming to push back the opening
times of these retail stores will likely be the same ones who are
there, lined up outside for hours beforehand hoping to get the latest
deal.<span> </span>In fact, they will most likely be starting vicious
rumors about a pushed back start time so there will be fewer people
there at midnight!</span></li>
<li><span>Lastly, the vast majority of Thanksgiving celebrations are over long before these workers would actually be going to work.<span> </span>In
fact, if a family is still in the middle of their Thanksgiving feast
when one of these workers would need to be leaving for their job, these
families are contributing to the obesity epidemic in the USA, as eating
late at night leads to weight gain.</span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span>Join me in urging these petitioners to
get in a life through a method they are sure to understand- another
petition, and let these workers work!</span></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-86177631928169792212011-11-16T17:33:00.000-05:002011-11-17T17:36:02.925-05:00When The McRib Itself Just Isn't Enough...While I’ve actually never personally tasted a McRib, as a lover of
all things food, I’ve found myself constantly asking, “how can we make
this thing better?” At long last, this question has been answered, as
our friends “Ze Germans” have created a monster (perhaps at the very <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castle_Frankenstein" target="_blank"><u>Castle</u></a> that shares a name with a more famous monster, Frankenstein).<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm_EOgcuVZsFVQ9thpBQM1oARcK6NugwrkvcRR-bF8rhNyFt4Q38A_JOT1EYw7-z82iKjbPHzQRd1UMhherN7UudT7pn_PRWSMImQowXxTIws-VTHkKxEvkpQnpWzKXT2L3fUIJ1BcQvs/s1600/mcrib.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm_EOgcuVZsFVQ9thpBQM1oARcK6NugwrkvcRR-bF8rhNyFt4Q38A_JOT1EYw7-z82iKjbPHzQRd1UMhherN7UudT7pn_PRWSMImQowXxTIws-VTHkKxEvkpQnpWzKXT2L3fUIJ1BcQvs/s320/mcrib.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
For those who are too lazy to learn German to read about this <a href="http://www.fatandtasty.de/hamburger/mcrib-mit-bacon-und-mozzarella-sticks/" target="_blank"><u>monstrosity</u></a>,
suffice it to say that adding mozzarella sticks and bacon makes pretty
much anything better (though I would not recommend trying this at home
with your half-used bottle of <a href="http://www.yuppiest.com/post/12859506723/makin-bacon" target="_blank"><u>Baconlube</u></a> and half-eaten edible mozzarella undies).<br />
<br />
For a briefer, English translation, <a href="http://gothamist.com/2011/11/14/next_level_mcrib_features_bacon_moz.php" target="_blank"><u>go here</u></a>.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-1494874651292520362011-11-14T17:31:00.000-05:002011-11-17T17:33:22.997-05:00Makin' Bacon<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQNC8cjTKuxP_wzKeFRMQUJOX3e78FJkJ5ejtO5GTEi2Xu6tByf-tLesdW9sSg7BxLL9VIrkYoJGJo3bOhJgMbjIDYNX3bgXaXWCGcY6bvfrQhg7WEN_FjPcZ7fMZfBdydBWXJjYeVDz0/s1600/baconlubeweb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQNC8cjTKuxP_wzKeFRMQUJOX3e78FJkJ5ejtO5GTEi2Xu6tByf-tLesdW9sSg7BxLL9VIrkYoJGJo3bOhJgMbjIDYNX3bgXaXWCGcY6bvfrQhg7WEN_FjPcZ7fMZfBdydBWXJjYeVDz0/s320/baconlubeweb.jpg" width="194" /></a></div>
<br />
For the man who loves women almost as much as he loves bacon (or vice versa), the world is now complete. I give you… <a href="http://baconlube.com/" target="_blank"><u>baconlube</u></a>.
Now you can ensure that the bacon is better than the fish when you’re
eating at the Y. Be sure to check out their other high quality products
as well. After all, it’s a lubricant even <a href="http://www.pajiba.com/videos/heres-your-7minute-ron-swanson-meat-tornado-try-not-to-choke-on-the-bones.php" target="_blank"><u>Ron Swanson</u></a> could love…Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-64161061334761753132011-11-13T17:29:00.000-05:002011-11-17T17:30:43.673-05:00Occupy My Counter (And Then My Stomach)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdR_bwcadgQy5vusRJZyZvb2sc2o6clKyYa-AYRuQoBXLwE6m-C3hh5ZUYSO-xWa7Kygn0eEKFEbfeEaNoPFvxSQV-cN4rrc0nz_z_oelCVgpDr-0jDrw3XYByrPBrbCE1r4m8rXg9dUQ/s1600/mad+elf+occupation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdR_bwcadgQy5vusRJZyZvb2sc2o6clKyYa-AYRuQoBXLwE6m-C3hh5ZUYSO-xWa7Kygn0eEKFEbfeEaNoPFvxSQV-cN4rrc0nz_z_oelCVgpDr-0jDrw3XYByrPBrbCE1r4m8rXg9dUQ/s320/mad+elf+occupation.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I highly recommend <a href="http://www.troegs.com/our_brews/mad_elf_ale.aspx" target="_blank"><u>Troeg’s Mad Elf</u></a>.
Brewed with honey and cherries, this packs a whollup, at 11% alcohol,
and is quite tasty. Granted, you may have to search for it, but who can
deny the appeal of a Mad Elf?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-15263072691891440102011-11-12T17:45:00.001-05:002011-11-12T18:01:58.067-05:00Asshole of the Year (And A Much Longer Timeframe) - Jerry SanduskyThere is a new leader in the clubhouse... Jerry Sandusky...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://media.mugshots.com/thumbs/gallery/images/6f/aa/Jerry-Sandusky-mugshot-6883443.400x800.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://media.mugshots.com/thumbs/gallery/images/6f/aa/Jerry-Sandusky-mugshot-6883443.400x800.jpg" width="283" /></a></div>
<br />
By now pretty much everyone who has working ears and a functional brain has heard about the horrors of the sexual abuse scandal at Penn State. Jerry Sandusky is clearly a vile and disgusting human being. In fact, given the brief history of my own personal Asshole of the Year awards, he may continue to win said award in perpetuity given the heinous nature of his acts. <br />
<br />
Any of the individual allegations would be enough to land him on this list, but in aggregate, they make even Robert G Burton look good, and that is a very difficult thing to do. He pretty much nails (pardon the word) every single item on the scumbag list<br />
<ul>
<li>Abuses a position of power</li>
<li>Acts creepy in public showers </li>
<li>Doesn't have any kids of his own, but is way too friendly with others kids</li>
<li>STARTS A FOUNDATION TO GET MORE ACCESS TO KIDS!!!!</li>
</ul>
I'd get into more, but the <a href="http://www.freep.com/assets/freep/pdf/C4181508116.PDF">grand jury testimony</a> speaks for itself... <br />
<br />
The rest of the Penn State staff certainly bears some responsibility as well for failure to act. In fact, some could argue that any normal homo-erotic butt-slapping that Paterno allowed to go on (or even participated in, not that there's anything wrong with that), let to an inappropriate level of acceptance of shenanigans most clearly displayed by McQueary's non-interference with the anal rape of a 10 year old that he witnessed... In fact, for that reason he should probably be retroactively nominated as Asshole of the Year for 2002.<br />
<br />
But, Jerry Sandusky, in only the first year of my Asshole of the Year Awards, you have already clinched the Asshole of Eternity Award...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-55180282166901793562011-11-12T17:27:00.000-05:002011-11-17T17:29:21.973-05:00Vets Eat FreeSo yesterday was Veteran’s Day, meaning many national (or for those
reading from abroad, more specifically, American) restaurants offered <a href="http://www.wgrz.com/news/article/94616/1/Where-Veterans-Eat-Free-Today" target="_blank"><u>free meals</u></a>
for military veterans. I’m a big fan of showing this sort of
appreciation for the men and women who serve our country so diligently,
given how selfish and cowardly most of the country is (myself included)
when it comes to military service. They are the true heroes that allow
idiots like us to post on blogs like these…<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGjCZQxpBONSMdEnFFnw3BtLr-A1wT0yl2MUvkwpGTTX5ii2gg3_VexVIUy0bcDK_LUsFmAxSh6ZS9NHPtuZ-AFXstT_ytK33L3WOwSFMUNy0aV_AudHqllV-CbLwxPFxnnLtofHINFaU/s1600/ArmyVetCorps.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGjCZQxpBONSMdEnFFnw3BtLr-A1wT0yl2MUvkwpGTTX5ii2gg3_VexVIUy0bcDK_LUsFmAxSh6ZS9NHPtuZ-AFXstT_ytK33L3WOwSFMUNy0aV_AudHqllV-CbLwxPFxnnLtofHINFaU/s1600/ArmyVetCorps.jpg" /></a></div>
However, I wonder if any veterinarians have ever attempted to take
advantage of one of these restaurants running a “Vets eat free” campaign
for a free meal? Especially in those restaurants who lack the
foresight to have any necessary legal stipulations regarding who exactly
is eligible as protection from such people. If a restaurant is
stupid enough to just have up a sign with no disclaimers, I would
definitely go there and claim I was a "vet."”<br />
<br />
It seems like a sociological experiment is warranted- perhaps next
year we’ll sent out a bunch of military veterans (dressed like
veterinarians), a bunch of veterinarians (dressed in military fatigues),
and a bunch of military veteran veterinarians (dressed however the f
they want), and see who gets served (not in the terrible dance movie
from 2004 sense), who gets denied, and who gets permanently banned from
any of these so-called patriotic restaurants…Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-67901140841931116832011-08-30T15:07:00.000-04:002011-08-30T15:07:11.399-04:00Target R Volleyball Season In A NutshellOnce upon a time, in a township far, far away, there existed a mass of volleyball players. There also existed a tall, lanky, Frisbee-playing figure who preferred the fashion of robes and had long flowing locks. This "man" figured himself to be the master of all domains when it came to volleying balls (no comment on the veracity of this statement). We'll call this figure Mean Joe. No wait... that's too easy... we'll call him Joe Ford... DAMMIT, that's too easy too... We'll just make it real hard (which is what this figure was when he discovered this power regarding volleyballs) and call him Mean Joe Ford.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
During the first random amount of days of Mean Joe's tenure, he pulled a Berardi- claiming he wanted to get in on the ground level, learn the business of TRx sports, and lie to everyone about his life. All this time he stood silently by (except for the occasional "Come on, Joey!" or dome-to-bone incident), observing the likes of a sock-wearing Nate, Book of Text Blin, Vociferous Vishal, while also being privy to The Downfall Of Golden's Shirt (pun intended). Every time you turned around, there Mean Joe was... observing, studying, creeping... Then, one day, just like Keyser Soze, he disappeared without a trace (similar to Chester Villanova). Little did everyone know that he was just lying in wait.<br />
<br />
Finally, after enough time had passed (4 VFW's, and 7 DPM's ago), he saw his chance to pounce. But unlike Berardi and all of his failed pouncing attempts (see every receptionist ever during his tenure, and multiple other employees as well), Mean Joe finally succeeded, and returned more powerful than ever. Given all he had learned over the years, he knew what he had to do- divide TargetRx from within- into Target X (the xcellent, xceptional, x-rated x-cons) and Target R (the rowdy, ravenous, risk-taking renegades).<br />
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And hence, on the first day of his ascension, the two-volleyball team system was born. On days 2 through infinity, Joe rested (except when he was playing volleyball, in which case he was the most intense person of all time). But "irregardless," the advent of the two volleyball system would be a plague on TRx that would come back to haunt them in the playoffs, causing a downfall much worse than Golden's shirt... the downfall of TRx's volleyball playoff dreams, and especially the dreams of a Target R-Target X championship final...<br />
However, in between Mean Joe's split decision and the elimination of TRx volleyball from the Liberty playoffs, there were multiple games played... Here are some highlights:<br />
<br />
8/2- With a softball game at 5:15 and a volleyball game at 6:30, multiple players were forced to double dip the chip. In need of players, GLG had initially convinced Mean Joe to man the outfield and pretend any balls hit to him were Frisbees. However, instead Mean Joe secured Steve's attendance at the softball game and went to the volleyball courts to practice by himself for a full hour and fifteen minutes before the game. Mean Joe has never moved so fast, as he'd serve from one side, take three long strides to get to the other side of the net, and set himself up for a spike. Luckily for him, he only hits one of every three serves in bounds, so he didn't get as tired out as expected... Although anyone watching him would have thought he was a schizophrenic, as he would continuously set himself up for a spike after serving to himself, and let out a triumphant "YEAH JOEY" yell after spiking it down. However, when he crossed under the net to go get the ball, he'd yell out "COME ON, JOEY" for not blocking his own spike attempt... <br />
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Once the rest of the team finally arrived from softball, they refused to enter the game. At first this was in protest of Joe not showing up for the softball game, but after watching him playing one-on-one with himself, a bigger reason for this refusal came to light- fear. Eventually, Joe calmed down, and everyone played. <br />
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It was Target R domination from the start. After some initial miscommunication around whether Gabriela would return it or one of the other players, Gabriela finally enlightened her teammates regarding her play, proclaiming "I can only feel it when they come from behind." No other comments necessary... Target R wins 15-6, 15-4.<br />
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8/9- This double-header included the return of Krysta to TRx sports, as another girl was needed. This was the game where Mike Bell's windmill serve finally became the (ultimate) weapon we all knew it could become. Something must have been in the water that day, as GLG got more than 3 inches off the ground (and in other areas) to get a key block. Interspersed between serving out of bounds multiple times yet again, Joe began calling Aaron AC, because he's always cool. In fact, AC was so cool this game that he began taunting one of the opposing girls, as after he served an apparent ace, she claimed she wasn't ready. On his next serve, he once again served it to the same spot, where all this poor woman could do was meagerly fall to the ground and bowing to AC, admitting she wasn't worthy. Target R won both games- the first 15-7, 15-6, the second 15-5, 15-2. <br />
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8/11- Before the game, GLG suffered a vicious injury by stepping onto a broken stick strategically placed by the opposing team. Let's just say it was not the first time wood has penetrated Greg... Upon seeing his limp, Aaron offered to let GLG borrow his anklet for support, but Greg would not accept, instead choosing to channel his anger against the other team. <br />
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Joe actually got his first serve in bounds during this match- the only more miraculous possibility would have been if Greg was magically healed on the court... Aaron served another ace to win the first set. In the second set, Mike Bell earned another Joe Ford-inspired nickname- the Silent Killer (also known as carbon monoxide), as he would continuously spike on the other team, and come up with big blocks at the net. Target R pulled out, and pulled out a 15-8, 15-5 victory.<br />
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After the game, a practice match was held, with Black Mike (Black Batman from Target X's playoff loss), joining the remnants of Target R. In addition to KB coming up with a block and saying "BOOM," there were multiple other spikes. In fact, one caught one of the girls who also joined Target R's team right in the face, as she fell to the ground and it took her 20 minutes to get up.<br />
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8/16- In Target R's last regular season game of the year, they had another time crunch, with their first round softball playoff game scheduled for 6:15. It was clear most of the team had their mind on the game ahead, as this was was ugly. Playing at a 6-5 disadvantage, communication was once again an issue. Somehow, Target R won the first set 15-13, but things started to unravel in the second set. At one point, calm and collected Mike Bell showed a rare outburst of emotion, kicking the ball after a missed spike. While Target R lost a close second set 14-16, Mike's passion fueled them in the third set, where they raced against the clock to make it to softball, and dominated, taking the third set 15-2. This put their record even with Target X, setting the stage for a potential playoff battle the likes of which has never been seen before (though it wouldn't be seen this year either, as both teams flamed out in the first playoff game).<br />
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8/18- Target R had their first playoff game immediately after Target X's disappointing loss. However, watching such a debacle only brought down Target R's spirits, as they came out flat. Even the presence of Krysta on the team couldn't help TRx. Granted, she may have been more interested in stealing any potential softball secrets than actually helping the team win. Playing with only 5 on the court, Joe was running around like a chicken with his head cut off. Of course, this led to more out-of-bounds serves by Mean Joe. After losing the first set 15-11, TRx tried to scramble in the second set. This almost led to Mean Joe and Mike Bell going dome-to-dome twice, as they would both dive for a ball, yet neither would get to it. In the end, TRx performed a fitting Target X impression, losing in straight sets 15-11, 15-6. After the game, Mean Joe placed the blame on everyone but himself, but especially the A Train, who was no longer cool in Joe's book. Mean Joe even made an appearance on the David Letterman, to read the top 10 list: <br />
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Top 10 things overheard after Aaron Cortright’s abysmal performance at the volleyball game, as read by Mean Joe:<br />
10. Hey Aaron, this isn’t your first time on a court, right? <br />
9. Cortright? More like Cort-wrong!<br />
8. Aaron Cortright: Nothing but net!<br />
7. Aaron, your calendar is off…the Special Olympics are next week<br />
6. What’s a fortnight? 2 weeks. What’s a Cortright? GOD AWFUL<br />
5. Cortright? More like Cort-jester!<br />
4. That’s the worst performance I’ve seen on the sand since Jaws 4<br />
3. In Ireland, they say ‘Erin Go Bragh’. In Horsham, they say ‘Aaron Go Away’<br />
2. Cortright? More like Cort-poop! <br />
1. Hank Aaron? 755 home runs. ‘Shank Aaron’? 755 unforced errors.<br />
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And with that, the season is over... However, rumors abound of a mythical 7th/8th place game yet to be scheduled between Target R and Target X for bragging rights. Winners will be featured as the one bright spot to come out of the next quarterly meeting at the VFW (besides the hand-pressed roast beef, of course)... Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-63080909080555054532011-08-23T11:04:00.000-04:002011-08-23T11:04:54.178-04:002011 TRx Softball Playoff Game 1: I'd Rather Play On Than Play Off<div id="yiv1846947382yui_3_2_0_16_131344525781775">On Tuesday, 8/16 TRx took on Reed in first round softball playoff action. This would be their first playoff game since the olden days of 2007, a time when Berardi had not yet disappeared off the face of the earth (smart money has him in jail), as TRx continues to seek that elusive first softball championship. What would be the payoff to this long playoff layoff?<br />
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The nervousness was palpable for Old Demps heading into the game. Moreso due to the plethora of players taking part in Target R's last regular season volleyball game than actually caring about the softball team. Said volleyball game unfortunately also prevented a pregame happy hour from occuring, to ease the nerves amongst the team. Luckily, Terry, KB, Aaron, GLG, Brian, Christin, and Gabriela all showed up with minutes to spare but barely any time to warm up, which almost came back to haunt them on a number of plays.<br />
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<div align="center">Reed entered the game with a 7-3-2 record, but posted a solid 5-1-2 record to close the season after their previous matchup with TRx- a 16-2 shellacking. Granted, three of those victories were by forfeit, but given their unsuccessful playoff history, TRx was not taking Reed lightly. Although the same can't be said for Reed, who showed up with only nine players, and only one female- the Reed pitcher. Obviously they don't subsribe the the Lil Wayne theory of co-ed softball- "don't like my women single, I like my chicks in twos." Given the automatic out that came with Reed only having one girl and only three outfielders, TRx liked their chances.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/CHZtMNbrmWE" width="560"></iframe></div>After monsoon-like conditions earlier in the week, a muddy field proved to make this game difficult, as the balls were slippery, the grass on the field (if it's there, play ball) was sopping, and their were puddles all over the place. In other words, it was like a wild night of passion at KB's place... <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5-dczQXj0srdyFqnK13chP52yVrMf608X2MDrkifwmuB71rmKL_yvH48DXZs0fO1OFJEYf9VN5DualfpdB3TxqFhcTWhg7fdgzfqJhDHAcDzxIVmgBfYhfiJG5Vv3CmiW6YTfiBYg91c/s1600/katrina.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" qaa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5-dczQXj0srdyFqnK13chP52yVrMf608X2MDrkifwmuB71rmKL_yvH48DXZs0fO1OFJEYf9VN5DualfpdB3TxqFhcTWhg7fdgzfqJhDHAcDzxIVmgBfYhfiJG5Vv3CmiW6YTfiBYg91c/s320/katrina.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Katrina, or the remnants of KB's wild night of passion?</td></tr>
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As the home team, TRx was in the field first. Terry was finally back, amid rumors that had been abroad (but not a broad, and certainly not like the little round headed buffoon Karl Pilkington aka An Idiot Abroad) learning of a new pitch added to his arsenal- the mysterious gyroball that Dice-K was supposed to have. Even Josh made his TRx return, as global warming has really dampened the demand for Ice Road Truckers these days. In what would be the start of a long day on defense, GLG bounced the first grounder to him to KB, who was unable to make the scoop. This proved costly, as the runner eventually came around to score, but TRx escaped the inning with only the one run of damage, as Bob made a solid play at second to get the third out. <br />
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On offense in the bottom of the first, TRx caught some two-out lightning, as GLG came through with a homerun to tie it up. KB and Terry then both followed with base hits. Knowing that Terry was behind him, and not wanting to be yelled at, KB even went first to third on Terry's hit (and did the same later in the game). Christin then followed it up with a solid line drive down the third base line enabling TRx to take a 3-1 lead which they would never relinquish. <br />
<br />
</div><div id="yiv1846947382yui_3_2_0_16_131344525781778">Back in the field, the defensive shenanigans continued. Brian threw a bounce pass to KB at first to get one out, and see if there was any interest in resurrecting the TRx basketball team as well. GLG threw another throw wide on an attempted double play, in the process throwing out his arm. Josh and MC Gold just missed two diving catches in the outfield. Terry had two over-the-shoulder catches, nearly colliding with Bob on each of them. Yet the bend-don't-break defense was holding up, as TRx still led 3-2. <br />
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Finally, in the fifth inning the TRx bats came alive again, as nearly everyone reached base. Gabriela perfected her strategy of trying to hit it to the pitcher, figuring that the female pitcher would blow it (the throw, that is), which she promptly did. Christin picked up yet another RBI after KB went first to third on Terry's base hit for the second time in the game. TRx ended up putting up 8 more runs, taking a commanding 11-2 lead and nearly 10-running Reed.<br />
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With these insurance runs, TRx started to loosen up in the field. On the walk back out to the field for the top of the sixth, Christin fired the ball at KB's head as he mossied over to first, nearly decapitating him. Later, with runners on base there was a near play at the plate. However, despite Christin's pleas to throw the ball home, KB just ran the runner back to third. On the next play, with an automatic out coming up due to the one girl on Reed, mayhem ensued on the base paths, as even though Christin had the ball, the runner on third still tried to score. Luckily, it wasn't Blin (or Josh), as there was the potential for another trucking. But Christin smacked the tag on the guy while apologizing for doing it so hard for the third out. Upon seeing such a heads up play, KB ran to home and he and Christin embraced, burying the hatchet from her near assault on him earlier in the inning. </div><div id="yiv1846947382yui_3_2_0_16_131344525781793"><br />
In the final inning, Reed managed to get a few runs in, threatening an amazing comeback. The key play was a pop up to the right side of the field. Given that it was more than five feet away, KB refused to move for it, Terry and Bob both feared another near collision, and GLG didn't move as he cried about his arm, as the ball landed in the infield. <br />
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Luckily, TRx escaped with a 11-6 victory, as the playoff curse was over! However, the celebration was muted, as no one agreed to go to happy hour after the game, all already looking ahead. TRx's next playoff game is Tuesday (8/22) against their archrival Kellogg, as Krysta will once again try to Shiv her former teammates in the back, with the winner advancing to the championship. Will the 6:30 start time lead to half the team showing up drunk, and will this actually help them? Let's hope so...</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-34083222188825704192011-08-22T20:07:00.001-04:002011-08-22T20:08:34.527-04:002011 TRx Softball Game 12: Finale, The (Regular) Season Finally<div style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">On Tuesday, August 2, TRx took on the Dudnyk Nudnyks in their softball regular season finale. Once again Terry was missing in action, as he was at another celebrity impersonation event, performing his spot-on Terrence Howard impression. I'll leave it up to the people who were there at the BET awards to comment on whether he was wearing blackface or not... But with Terry out of commission, KB was forced to take the round mound of pound again. </span></div><div style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"></div><a name='more'></a><div style="color: white;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">At the start of the game, Old Demps was participating in his new pregame warm-up routine. To stretch those long luscious legs he has taken to running over every square foot of the park before the game, a new strategy meant to intimidate the opposing team by showing that this is his house (or WTU's). However, blessed with his track star speed, its doubtful that anyone even saw him. Old Demps- faster than a non-moving bullet, more powerful than a broken locamotive, able to leap small children in multiple bounds from the top step of a ladder... </span></div><div style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Meanwhile, due to numbers issues this was the game that Mean Joe Ford was supposed to show up and man the outfield. Known for his prowess with a frisbee and his height, Mean Joe could always be counted on for an inspirational "Come on, Joey!" However, apparently he can't be counted on to show up, as the intesity of the the 6:15 volleyball game preperations were too much for him to handle. To think, he missed out on the stellar nickname of Mean Joey Softball.</span></div><div style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">After the rough start to the last game, KB was hoping to stay calm, cool, and collected on the mound. He was also hoping there would be no seemingly attractive from afar women on the other team. Apparently they cause him to think about his whip (and chains), and when KB things about his whip, his WHIP goes up (as in his Walks plus Hits per Inning Pitched goes up, not something else, you sickos). Luckily, no girls got to bat during the first inning, as KB gave up only one run, due to a slick scoop by Mike at first.</span></div><div style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">During the bottom of the inning, TRx came out hot, as hits by Steve, GLG, and KB put TRx up 3-1- a seemingly insurmountable lead. However, as is often the case, the TRx bats quickly went dead after that, putting even more pressure on KB. After a quick second inning, KB began to let the opposing girls walk all over him, as he is wont to do. Luckily, the mad genius that is inside Greg's bulbous head led to TRx instituting a shift for the next batter, as TRx promptly turned a double play to end the inning. </span></div><div style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white;"><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">In the fourth, TRx managed to manufacture a run due to a clutch RBI outfield hit by Kristen. Later, they added two more insurance runs thanks to Mike's aggressive baserunning to score TRx's sixth run of the game. </span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Meanwhile, back on defense, KB continued to try to give Dunder Mifflin hope. First he gave up a mammoth homerun that was hit so far Steve almost didn't come back after retrieving the ball. As it was, he nearly pulled a hammy as he was running H.a.M. right now. Later, KB fielded a ball hit to the right side of the mound and fired it at Brian from three feet away. After almost taking Aaron's head off on a similar play last week, KB took a little off this time. The shift also worked again, as TRx came up with a big double play when one of the opposing girls for some reason swung on a 3-0 count. </span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/g_vwQN6ntQw" width="420"></iframe></div><span style="font-size: small;">KB also induced multiple pop-ups, and he would yell out "GREG" on each one. After the second coming of this occurance, GLG went all Destiny's Child in the field, <span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">performing </span></span>a stirring rendition of "Say My Name." Much like Marlo Stanfield, his name is his name...</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/sQgd6MccwZc" width="420"></iframe></div><div style="text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/itCPGm2W1fE" width="420"></iframe><br />
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</span></div><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Leading 6-2 in the top of the seventh, TRx was hoping for a quick end to the game. However, of course KB quickly walked two batters. After a pop-up, and a ground out, another batter got a hit to load the bases and put the people-person-paper-peoples tying run at the plate. Would TRx suffer an epic collapse right before the playoffs? As Berardi would answer his own question in an email to Mike McKeever ("Are the Giants gonna lose tonight?")- "HELL NO!" While the next batter did get a hit to knock in one run, as the throw came to the plate, KB quickly fired the ball to third to get one of the other runners and end the game. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">With the victory, TRx finishes the season 8-3-1 and secures a playoff matchup with Reed. Will this be the year that TRx softball goes all the way? Or will they crash and burn like so many years past? With Old Demps another year older, and not much wiser, it may be now or never... </span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-90377333482742249352011-08-19T16:24:00.001-04:002011-08-19T20:21:41.387-04:002011 Volleyball: Live Blog of Target X Playoff Game (8/18/11)August 18, 2011- A day that will live in TargetRx Volleyball infamy... With heavy storms throughout the night an ominous feeling permeated the office for both members of Target X and Target R. Gabriela and Kristin went on strike demanding a raise to show up for the game (they didn't get it), Mean Joe was being slightly less mean, Kevin didn't have his usual pregame lunch at Double Visions, and GLG didn't even show up to work. He claims it was due to a pediatrician's appointment for Zoe, but in reality it was probably for him as he still doesn't have a big-boy doctor and his tummy hurt from the nervousness of the impending playoffs. Plus he still enjoys a nice rectal thermometer every now and then, as well as the lollipop he gets afterwards, which hopefully he doesn't use in the same manner... But luckily, with Target X playing the first game, KB was able to live-blog the Target X game against TelerX:<br />
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Pregame: As TelerX shows up with about 20 people, Target X comes correct with a squad of Brian, Mike M, Christin, Kevin, and Patrick. A 20 minute conversation over rules commences, during which Kevin barely speaks- apparently he is only a stickler for rules when playing against Target R. Target X was smart enough to recruit Ewa to come to the game, just in case TelerX came up with a devious scheme to kidnap Christin by trying to lure her into a van with the promise of candy and ice cream. Luckily, Christin saw that the van was a-rockin and made the smart move and did not go a-knockin (GLG does have a van, by the way... just saying...)<br />
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(Target X score on left, TelerX score on the right)<br />
0-0, Target X serve: Patrick starts off the game with a solid serve as TRx wins the first two points to take a seemingly insurmountable 2-0 lead<br />
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2-0, Target X serve: On the third serve, TelerX finally gets their act together and gets a solid set to Michael, aka the black guy wearing a batman shirt who will henceforth be known as Black Batman. Black Batman leaps high in the air (I think he would have cleared Christin), and spikes it down. Target X is going to need someone back at the office to put out the Black Bat Signal to get this guy out of here, or else they could be in trouble.<br />
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2-0, TelerX serve: Target X receives the serve and quickly returns it. In what will become a trend, the guy with dark glasses who never rotates out, and always plays center in front of the net does what he does best- jump, catch the ball in mid-air, hold it for about 3 seconds, then throw it up to set his choice of teammate. One thing that guy can do... is catch and set (but he's no George Gervin). Surprisingly, Kevin says nothing about this. Luckily Target X wins the return, as Mike shows the soft touch to find an open spot.<br />
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2-0, TelerX serving: Brian comes through with two solid serves by picturing Kate's face as the ball, as he was still mad over Kate abandoning what should have been her number one priority- playing in a meaningless volleyball league for a company she doesn't, and has never worked for... Someone needs to set that girl straight (but hopefully not the same person making the van go a-rockin). <br />
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4-1, TelerX serving: Mean Joe arrives just in time to see a long series kept alive on a stellar dig by Brian. Kevin gets the serve back with a huge block that brought the crowd to it's feet- or maybe one of the plethora of TelerX teammates sitting on the sidelines just needed to get up and stretch their legs.<br />
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4-1, Target X serving: After his spirit-breaking block, Kevin immediately serves it directly into the net, breaking his own spirit. Mean Joe enters his happy place.<br />
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4-2, TelerX serving: After a hard fought battle, one of the TelerX players attempts to block a TRx spike. Despite the ball clearing ricocheting off of his fingers, he claimed he made no contact with the ball, and it was the ball hitting the net that made the noise. Needless to say, the ball went out of bounds, and his outlandish claim stood, as TelerX was awarded the point.<br />
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4-3 TelerX serving: With the previous play weighing heavily on their mind, a clearly flustered Target X quickly gave up a little run, as on the next point, Kevin led one drop deep in the corner. Upset at this recent turn of event, Patrick then went up for a spike on the next point, yet underestimating his own strength, spiked it long.<br />
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4-6, Target X serving: With Christin serving, Cee Lo Green from TelerX (nickname coined by Mean Joe) attempts the always dangerous back-set, nearly falling down due to its complexity. This gives Mike the opportunity to spike it on his head and glower at him for the audacity of his attempt.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Why was Cee-Lo playing volleyball for TelerX?</td></tr>
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5-6, Target X serving: Mike makes a diving dig to save a point, and Kevin comes up with another big block- ah, the advantages of being tall...<br />
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6-6, Target X serving: With balls flying all over the court (in addition to the volleyball game being played), Patrick steps up and gets two quick points on the serve, one of which coming on a whiff by Cee Lo Green on a spike attempt, as he couldn't time his jump well enough. <br />
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8-6, TelerX serving: Aaron (Kelly) Cortright arrives. He believes he can fly, and he's not afraid to sing about it...<br />
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8-7, TelerX serving: With Aaron still believing he can fly, the rest of Target X gets distracted by the melodic nature of his booming pipes, and loses a point.<br />
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8-8, TelerX serving: Kevin goes up for a spike, only to be blocked, as Mean Joe yells out "MAHLENDORF!!! You've got 6 inches on him!" Let's hope he was simply talking about his height. Meanwhile, Aaron no longer believes Kevin can fly. <br />
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9-11, Target X serving: Terry arrives in time to see the serve trade sides with no points scored a bunch of times. The excitement of it all almost causes Terry to leave. Instead, it puts him to sleep.<br />
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9-12, Target X serving: Black Batman goes for another booming spike, but mishits it, yet somehow it still works. TelerX is getting all the breaks today.<br />
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9-13, TelerX serving: Patrick sneaks a return past one of the females on their team. She compliments the play, saying "Nice angle." No additional comments on what type of angle- acute, obtuse, right? Patrick's no square, so it can't be right, but as Billy Joel would say, it may be crazy. It just may have been a lunatic Target X could have used... as long as he's not obtuse. And if he's acute, even better (at least for Christin).<br />
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9-13, Target X serving: On a long point, Christin has a solid dig, but almost nails Brian in the face. Kevin managed to get to the ball, but hit it into the net, causing Mean Joe to wonder about Kevin's heart. On this note, Aaron switched genre's, breaking out into Nelly's Heart of a Champion (Aaron and Nelly do bear more than a passing resemblence to one another- has anyone ever seen both of them in the same place?). However, this only served to piss off Kevin more, as his visions of a championship were falling faster than KB at the end of a 12 hour open bar.<br />
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14-9, TelerX serving: With one of their girls serving, TelerX lays down the hammer, winning the point and putting an end to the first set.<br />
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MIDGAME BREAK: With Target X in disarray after falling apart in the first set, Brian knew just what the team needed- him to smoke a quick cigarette. Meanwhile, Patrick threatens to invoke boss privledges and and lay into Kevin. All of the sudden, a chime sounds as Mike Bell arrives and rings himself. Fueled by his quck fix of nicotine, Brian next realizes the best chance at winning this game is to cause bodily harm to the other team. Instead of putting his cigarette out, he places his lit cigarette on the ground, hoping to light one of the pine trees on fire. Unfortunately, the earlier deluge made the ground too wet, and like everything else Target X had tried up to that point, this plan fails too. Onto the second set...<br />
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1-1, either team serving: In what Black Batman called "the longest series of ones since the last time Kevin was at Double Visions," each team trades serves about 15 times. Eventually, TelerX gets the point.<br />
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1-3, Target X serving: As Target X gets the serve back, Krysta arrives, seemingly ready to suit up for Target R in the following game. In reality, she came to scout the softball players from both TRx teams in advance of their upcoming softball playoff game, secretly hoping both teams would lose to diminish TRx morale (moreso than their numbers from last quarter), and secretly hoping one of the star players would get hurt. As Mike is mid-serve, Krysta yells out "HEY GUYS" causing Mike to overserve it out of bounds, as Krysta laughs on the inside.<br />
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2-4, TelerX serving: On a hard fought point, Christin comes through with another solid dig, and Kevin follows it up with a spike.<br />
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2-5, Target X serving: Brian sets it for Patrick who nails a spike to get the serve back. From the bench, Joe yells out "Patrick, I forgot about your vertical" to which Patrick responds "What vertical?" Laughter ensues. Who said volleyball wasn't fun for the whole family?<br />
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3-5, Target X serving: Kevin pays homage to Greg and backhands it over, while quietly saying "that's how you smack a bitch."<br />
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4-5, Target X serving: Brian makes a diving play to keep the ball alive. Unfortunately, out of bounds is where the ball was heading, and where Brian ended up. Perhaps he though volleyball is much like KB's writeups, in which NOTHING is out of bounds...<br />
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4-5, TelerX serving: Mike comes up with a solid block at the net after calling off Brian. On the bench, Joe says he will back away any time Krysta calls for the ball. Krysta demands documentation. All of the sudden, the Haitian guy from TelerX starts running away, thinking Krysta was talking to him.<br />
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5-5, TelerX serving: Kevin puts away another one as he grimaces in pain. On his next serve, he promptly goes long.<br />
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5-5, TelerX serving: Glasses guy from the other team goes up and makes an acrobatic play at the net. Unfortunately for TelerX, he forgot to actually hit the ball over the net. As Mean Joe comments on his body control ("The way he controls his body is controlling my mind"), everyone else agrees that he hit the net.<br />
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5-5, TelerX serving: The continuation of a long trading of serves at 5-5 features one of their girls getting hit in the head with the ball. And to think, no one on Target X even bought her dinner... On the next play, as Black Batman leaps for an attempted spike, Patrick yells out "HUH" to distract and intimidate him. Somehow, this works, as Black Batman goes crying to Black Robin. <br />
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5-5, Target X serving: TelerX calls timeout to cry to each other. I guess you can still get tired even with 20 people on your team. Meanwhile, a waaaabulance arrives, ready to take any one of them away, as well as a food delivery truck, with TelerX's postgame meal of waaaamburgers and french cries.<br />
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5-5 (still), TelerX serving: Brian just misses a block, but Patrick is there to help. After the play, Target X goes with a group huddle to give TelerX a taste of their own medicine. On the bench, Aaron mocks them, saying he wants no part of any huddling, after the last time he inadvertantly walked into the middle of a circle jerk.<br />
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5-6, TelerX serving: After finally getting a point, TelerX nearly makes it two in a row, as Black Batman sends a hard spike towards Christin. Christin, showing her cat-like reflexes honed as catcher on the softball team, and goalie for the Flyers, coolly returns the spike, and Black Batman, in awe of such fearlessness, proceeds to miss the next one.<br />
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5-6, TelerX serving: A wild play around the net occurs, as Patrick and Brian both end up on the ground, yet somehow the ball ends up high to Kevin, who spikes it down while screaming out "OWWWW!!!" He is like Kellen Winslow- a soldier.<br />
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5-7, TelerX serving: On a hard fought point, Brian gets up high to intimidate TelerX, who promptly blow it. However, the little TelerX bitch in the red hat starts screaming incredulously that Brian was on the other side of the net. Lots of yelling back and forth ensues, as this a-hole starts foaming at the mouth. Mean Joe tries to be the voice of reason, but then abandons that mission and tries to intimidate him by standing up, but to no avail. This may have just broken Target X's spirit.<br />
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5-9, TelerX serving: Seeing the writing on the wall, Kevin has stopped moving. He appears to be auditioning for the Walking Dead, minus the walking part.<br />
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5-11, TelerX serving: Black Batman gets 6 feet high (probably not the highest he has been), and spikes it on Patrick's chest. That's gonna leave a mark. As the ball bounces towards Target R on the sideline, one of the girls from TelerX comment to Ewa "I like your shoes." If only Ewa had then entered the game, bringing Target X all the way back we would finally have an answer to the age old question, "IS IT THE SHOES?"<br />
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5-12, Target X serving: After finally getting the ball back, Brian comes through with an ace. Patrick follows it up with a spike and Target X gets a little run going. Can they come "all the way back?"<br />
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9-12, Target X serving: Christin tries to get up to boldly block Black Batman's brazen bombardment but blunders. It was a valiant effort though...<br />
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9-12, TelerX serving: Kevin has an involuntary muscle spasm and almost comes through with a kick save, but at least he showed remarkable flexability. Looks like he is learning something from all those Double Visions trips after all...<br />
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9-14, TelerX serving: With the game pretty much out of reach, TelerX adds insult to (Kevin's) injury, as one of their girls spikes it on Mike to end the game.<br />
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Postgame: The dream is dead- a Target R-Target X final is not to be. Boo this man. Brian quickly places the blame on Mean Joe for picking the seeds. Kevin finally shares the extend of his injury- a papercut. Or a torn ligament, which doctor's told him should heal itself in about 4 weeks as long as he didn't participate in any physical activity. Yet Kevin played on, risking amputation of the very hand he primarily uses to "take his talents to south beach." However, amputation could get him some extra attention at DV, so he's got that going for him... which is nice... Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-57724970290782223712011-08-03T16:45:00.002-04:002011-08-19T20:21:54.507-04:00TRx Softball Game 11 Recap: If A Tie Is Like Kissing Your Sister, I Just Stuck My Tongue Down Her Throat... And Liked ItOn Thursday, July 28, TRx took on 6-4 Team PBC in a legendary long-lasting softball game. At least TRx was playing softball; Team PBC seemingly was playing with no balls, as evidenced by their methodical approach at the plate of not swinging the bat ever. But at least it is now clear what the PBC stands for in their team name- the G-rated version being Pansies, Bums, and Chumps.<br />
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As the visitors, TRx batted first. Steve quickly got on base and showed aggression on the base paths, easily swiping second. Demps advanced the runner and GLG and Ed followed with bases hits before a sac fly by KB. Aaron knocked in the third run, and provided one of the few TRx highlights on the bases, as after his single, he slowly began walking towards second. Was his ankle reinjured? No, he was just taking his time, before finally realizing that he should probably run as the ball was already on his way in. However, that running must have taken a lot out of him, as he decided to stop at third after the ensuing base hit, instead of trying to score. Maybe he was just getting ready to play defense, as with Brian out, the A-Train knew he was being stationed at third in the field. Regardless, the top half of the inning ended with Aaron stranded at third, but once again well rested, and TRx up 3-0.<br />
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With Terry missing in action, TRx was in a bind with regard to pitching. Mike started the game on the hill, on the basis of him throwing three out of twenty practice pitches for strikes back in the preseason, a clear 50% improvement over Brian's two out of twenty. After two quick outs, including a strong throw by well-rested Aaron to get the runner at first, things appeared to be going smoothly. However, much like GLG's Continuously Ridiculous Accounting Practices (CRAP as opposed to GAAP) in the Finance department, things quickly went downhill (as CRAP always rolls downhill). PBC realized their best chance at winning the game was to not swing the bat, and not swing they did, as three consecutive batters proceeded to walk.<br />
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GLG then made the executive decision to swap Mike and KB, which based on KB's two practice pitches, seemed like it could be a positive move. However, as soon as a real batter stepped in, KB proceeded to throw six straight balls for yet another walk, this time to his nemesis, the girl with braces. After a bit more trouble, including a hard line drive that nearly broke Gabriela's arm, TRx finally escaped the inning, yet now trailed 5-3, as their seemingly insurmountable 3-0 lead was easily surmounted... <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHQ-KqC3cgfxGXUdexfD-vB4-XKrzxU4Vu1ELph0A-us7ILek4SOqSZI_622_R9c_EMLi31bpDuIvLxSPkIcJJv2f0qRHMYHR9whxgpTYJvBruSKe923oT_Ec7PiQyJ-7BJDMnx3FgNig/s1600/braces.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHQ-KqC3cgfxGXUdexfD-vB4-XKrzxU4Vu1ELph0A-us7ILek4SOqSZI_622_R9c_EMLi31bpDuIvLxSPkIcJJv2f0qRHMYHR9whxgpTYJvBruSKe923oT_Ec7PiQyJ-7BJDMnx3FgNig/s320/braces.jpg" t$="true" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Does KB have a thing for girls in braces?</td></tr>
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As the game wore on, the TRx offense began to stall, thanks to some questionable calls by the umpire, and some quality plays by PBC. First, Gabriela hit a dribbler towards third base. Despite the fact that the ball was still obviously fair when the pitcher attempted to field it, the umpire called it foul, and Gabriela was robbed of what would have been an easy base hit. Later, Mento hit a bomb down the left field line. Somehow, their left fielder made a diving catch, robbing Mento of what would have been an easy homerun, given the distance the ball travelled and Bob's gazelle-like speed, but at least it added to Bob's runners left on base stats, which is nice.<br />
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After the early trouble led to 7 runs for PBC in the first two innings, TRx settled down in the field, despite KB's best efforts to make things interesting. Despite allowing multiple runners each inning, and walking his nemesis two more times, as well as multiple other players who refused to swing the bat, TRx only gave up one more run. When asked why he walks females so often, all KB could say was "It's my duty, to walk that booty." <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimf1Sp6uQbWG7ov9lItwPAGogochR7H9x1TvWYTwo46SGyHRGPAPYBw_Slud-1Sc6-CklUzSrsWzIRJAbDw6Y4HR_XOXXc3PKEl5sveAYRccV2VGkLFTi8nrs5Ur1_BpRTVd1e82_vgts/s1600/KB+Shaft.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimf1Sp6uQbWG7ov9lItwPAGogochR7H9x1TvWYTwo46SGyHRGPAPYBw_Slud-1Sc6-CklUzSrsWzIRJAbDw6Y4HR_XOXXc3PKEl5sveAYRccV2VGkLFTi8nrs5Ur1_BpRTVd1e82_vgts/s320/KB+Shaft.png" t$="true" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's my duty... to walk that booty</td></tr>
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Other defensive highlights included Mike making a great scoop at first on a throw from GLG, KB fielding the mound well, including doing his GLG impression with an over the shoulder catch, and Aaron managing to snag a rocket from KB from 6 feet away on a grounder to the right side, saving the ball from reaching WT's house deep in the woods. Ed, MC Gold, and Steve also all locked down the outfield. <br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">But perhaps the defensive play of the game (at least during the first 6 innings) came on another line drive towards second. After nearly getting concussed earlier in the game, this time Gabriella merely cussed, letting out a string of profanities as she shimmied out of the way. Scouts in the stands later approached her about joining the next season of Dancing With the Stars, which would make her the biggest star on that show... Later, on the bench Gabriela was inundated with requests to "teach me how to Gaby."</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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In the sixth inning, TRx tried to make their move. With multiple runners on base, Old Demps hit a ball hard towards the hole. Somehow, PBC got a glove on it and got a throw off to third. Despite clearly beating the throw by multiple normal-sized feet (as opposed to minuscule little Dempsey-sized feet), Demps was called out to end the inning, costing TRx valuable runs. An irate GLG threw the bat down in anger, as he was preparing for an Oppo Boppo. He would have hit himself in his bulbous dome with the bat, but given the damage that would have done, said bat would have never been able to be used again... <br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">Back in the field, to save Gabriela from any more potential bodily harm, TRx pulled out the Bob-Gabriela switch. Despite PBC still not swinging at anything and again putting multiple people on base, TRx held them in the 6th, as KB finally got the better of his nemesis, getting her to strike out. KB then did the reverse Bryce Harper, and blew her a kiss while telling her to sit down. </div><div align="center"><br />
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</div>TRx entered the 7th trailing 8-6, with the meat of the order coming up. With GLG's bulbous dome still steaming from the previous mis-call, he started off the inning with a solid base hit. Ed proceeded to do the same, with KB also coming through with a base hit, putting runners on 2nd and 3rd with no outs. TRx seemed to be in prime position to at least tie, and possibly take the lead. However, two quick pop-ups started to kill those dreams. Gabriela strode to the plate with the game on the line. In a fitting rebuke, she gave PBC a taste of their own medicine, refusing to swing at anything (although her previous injury may have made swinging the bat impossible), and drew a walk. The pressure was all on Christin now. And once again, she told PBC where to shove the bat, the balls, the bases, the pitching mound, and home plate, taking a walk to tie the game. With MC Gold up next, TRx had a change to break it open and take the lead. However, the left fielder once again made a diving catch, robbing MC Gold of a hit that would have given us the lead.<br />
Meanwhile, throughout that inning, the PBC players, who had barely swung the bat ALL GAME, were incredulous that the team they were playing would do the exact same thing. As Gabriela and Christin took their walks, the PBC centerfielder even started crying for his mommy. He probably needed a feeding, much like Robin Arryn in Game of Thrones. But that's PBC for you... Pussies, Bitches, and Crybabies...<br />
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In the bottom of the 7th, TRx was looking to play for the tie. However, a walk by KB and an error by GLG, things looked grim. The next batter hit a line drive up the middle. Bob got a glove on it, but it was clear that PBC was going to try to win it, as the runner rounded third. MC Gold fielded the ball cleanly and fired home. As time slowed down, KB fielded the ball and went for the tag. A collective hush fell over the TRx field, as given the ump's previous calls, they expected an indignity like the one that befell the Pirates on 7/26 to occur. However, the ump made the right call, as despite the runner's attempt to jump over him, KB clearly swiped him, as the runner was almost thrown over the fence by the force of the blow. <br />
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MC Gold's amazing play saved the tie for now, yet there was still one more out to get, and it was a familiar face- KB's nemesis- the girl with braces. In a hard faught battle, KB overcame his nemesis once again, getting her to strike out to end the game, as tears of joy overcame TRx. While looking for more than a tie, given the early misfortunes, and late inning heroics, the tie almost felt like a win. As Old Demps so elequently put it in his post game speech, "If a tie is like kissing your sister, I just stuck my tongue down her throat... AND LIKED IT!" which is probably what WT was doing at that very time. The tie moved TRx to 7-3-1 on the season with only one regular season game left.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-81721557917505283552011-07-28T10:06:00.001-04:002011-08-19T20:22:07.247-04:007/26 Target R Volleyball Game- Lost Without JoeOn Tuesday (7/26) Target R took on the undefeated Orbit in verified volleyball action. After having a plethora of players at their previous game, Target R was back to fielding a forceful fivesome of KB, Aaron, Frank, Mike, and Gabriela. Missing Mean Joe's youthful exuberance, this was a game filled with love, deception, greed, lust, and... unbridled enthusiasm. You see, much like Billy Mumphrey, Mean Joe was a simple country boy. Some might say a cockeyed optimist, who got caught up in the dirty game of world diplomacy and international intrigue... or he was just getting a quick fix by locking himself in a dark basement watching Ultimate Frisbee highlights.<br />
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As the game started, Target R quickly jumped out to a seemingly insurmountable 2-0 lead. However, the team was clearly in disarray. Unable to recapture the magic of Frank's Formation And Rotation Transition (F.A.R.T., patent pending) from the previous week, Target R left lots of open space, as once again KB refused to move more than one foot in either direction. He is really taking to heart Kate's previous explanation about keeping on foot touching the ground at all times. <br />
Despite their best efforts, the seemingly insurmountable lead was quickly surmounted, as TRx lost a nailbiter of a first set 15-13. Surprisingly, the combination of Mike's length and KB's girth was unable to penetrate the impregnable defense of Orbit. If only Kevin had been there to call made up violations on the other team, the outcome could have been much different, as I'm sure there were multiple instances of "illegal use of the left hand with the right knee bent at an angle of under 90 degrees with one eye partially closed" that could have been called (statute 69 of Kevin's Rules for Life, Love, and Volleyball, though his <a href="http://www.tapesite.com/index14.html"><u>online list</u></a> hasn't been updated yet).<br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">In the second set, Target R tried to change their luck by resorting to drastic (some would say Extraordinary) Measures. Mike began trying to ring his own last name in the middle of each Orbit serve to distract them. Frank pulled out the old Frank-Footer (it sounds worse than it is), and began trying to kick the ball over the net. Aaron purposely injured his good ankle, hoping Orbit would ease off. KB even yelled out a "Come on, Joey," trying to channel the mojo of Mean Joe. However, it was all for naught, as Orbit only upped the pressure, continuously spiking the ball directly at Gabriela, who someone managed to survive the attack without a concussion. The last time that many balls were flying at someones face GLG was experimenting while drunk back in college, and he already worked around the clock...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/UYBx7yxEME4" width="425"></iframe></div><div align="center"><br />
</div>In the end, TRx lost the second set 15-6. To ease their spirits they broke out into a remix of Blink 182's Lost Without You, changing the tune to Lost Without Joe. In addition to losing the game, and a little bit of dignity, also lost were a pair of glasses, and a silver ring. Hopefully, both were lost by members of Orbit, so Target R can at least take some joy in the misery of others...<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/VJ7lMcNnFCI" width="425"></iframe></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-59028470692878724242011-07-25T11:22:00.000-04:002011-08-05T11:40:56.192-04:00TRx Softball Game 10 Recap: The Jerkstore Called...On Friday, July 22, TRx was scheduled to play Connexin Software, in what would have been an alcohol-fueled orgy of bacchanalia. However, given the late start time of 6:30, on a Friday, and the potential absence of 90% of the team, Coach Demps tried to reschedule this game. After much back and forth, and a plethora of emails from Liberty, TRx had to forfeit, as Demps and Aaron would have been the only players there. Everyone else (or at least KB) would have likely been passed out drunk. <br />
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Later the following week, Detective LeGrand used his bulbous dome to research the shenanigans that went down. Apparently, Connexin forfeited their game on 7/27, marking their third forfeit of the year. Given their stellar commitment to the league, they were kicked out due to the number of forfeits. Apparently, all three of their "wins" this year came off of Friday forfeits by the other team. Their depravity knows no bounds, as these assholes specifically scheduled Friday games hoping the other team wouldn't show up to get victories. This led to GLG and Demps filing an official complaint with the league, which should probably get them kicked out of the league, as now one cares...<br />
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But as far as Connexin goes, they are the latest nominees for Asshole of the Year. Connexin, the jerkstore called, and they're running out of you!<br />
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<div align="center"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/0KmTTy_MM5w" width="425"></iframe></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-70500087731931065462011-07-20T22:07:00.001-04:002011-08-19T20:22:44.077-04:00Target X Volleyball Recap (7/19 Game 2): T.E.A.M.- Target R Easily Accomplishes MissionOn Tuesday, a tired Target X took on the tragically tenacious Telerx team of tools and twits. Fresh off of a stinging loss to Target R that caused Kevin to contemplate the very nature of his existence, only one thing could ease his mind (besides a trip to Double Visions)- the re-addition of KB to the team. It was as if it were a scene straight of of Brian's still-in-progress novel, as enemies become friends (when bitterness ends).<br />
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But most importantly, this led to a reunion of the KKK- Kevin, Ken and Kate, an unstoppable force, known to move immovable objects. Granted, this nickname could have worked against Target X, as the multi-cultural collaboration of Telerx players would not have looked kindly on any potential KKK chants. But luckily Sister Christin managed to restrain her exuberance for the KKK Krew getting back together, and kept the chants quiet. Anything louder would have been reminiscent of Ana's profanity in the presence of children, as a ball girl and loyal KKK follower was at this monumental game. <br />
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Target X jumped out to an early lead, as Brian and Mike skillfully served, and KB's footsteps and 1 inch vertical at the net kept instigating one of the Telerx players to spike it into the net. With a newfound rotation, the team actually began hitting the ball more than once and expertly setting each other up. At first, Kevin couldn't believe his eyes, as he rarely saw this kind of play from his team during their first game. <br />
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As TRx took the first set 15-8, a buzz began to grow in Horsham Township. Could it be? Could the team that just got smoked by Target R take down the Telerx behemoth? As a throng of fans began to arrive, Telerx began fighting amongst themselves and TRx took Advantage. Leveraging their forecasting, positioning, and optimization skills, they <a href="http://www.targetrx.com/trx/products/LaunchAdvantage">LaunchAdvantaged </a>serves to the exact <a href="http://www.targetrx.com/trx/products/TargetAdvantage">TargetAdvantage </a>they wanted. Their <a href="http://www.targetrx.com/trx/products/MessageAdvantage">MessageAdvantage </a>of team unity propelled their <a href="http://www.targetrx.com/trx/products/FieldPerformanceAdvantage">FieldPerformanceAdvantage </a>through expert positioning. On the rare occasions that Telerx would return the ball, they put their <a href="http://www.targetrx.com/trx/products/CustomSolutions">CustomSolutions </a>into effect with variable success.<br />
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Some of the more successful CustomSolutions included Mike's bold plays at the net challenging Telerx (and winning the majority of these challenges), Kevin's finesse game, Christin's beautiful bumping, Brian's booming serves, Kate's consistent digs, and of course any magical moment where all three members of KKK hit the ball. One of the less successful CustomSolutions was KB's attempt to catch the ball between his bulging pectoral muscles. He figured if his teammates wouldn't give him a chest-bump, he'd take matters into his own hands. While this play didn't work out as he drew it up in his head, it did serve the function of getting the ball wet and causing Telerx to mess up their ensuing serve. All the while, KB continued to show his wizardry with with the ball through his "and-1" tosses to the server, his signature hand-ball-roll on his kick serve, and even an Cirque du Soleil hike to Brian, showing the spectators they should fear TRx in the flag football league as well. <br />
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In the end Target X dominated the second set, finishing off a 15-8, 15-2 victory. After the match, Kevin dropped to his knees, with tears streaming down his face at his good fortune to have such great teammates. Even Telerx couldn't be mad, and both teams joined hands and sang a poor man's rendition of "We Are The World" to commemorate this amazing moment in the history of the Liberty Volleyball League. <br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ZQLhOXlGnRE" width="425"></iframe></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-77205258296002420272011-07-20T20:40:00.003-04:002011-08-19T20:22:57.802-04:00TRx Intra-Company Volleyball Game 2 (7/19): Rules? How We're Playing, We Don't Need No Stinkin RulesLast night (7/19), part two of the great Target R-Target X volleyball feud took place on the mean v-ball courts of Horsham. Temperatures were expected to reach over 100 degrees, and that was just from Joe and Kevin's blood boiling over the chance to once again destroy each other and prove who was the marginally better tall, lanky, poor excuse for an athlete.<br />
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With the game about to start and Mean Joe still missing in action, Target R feared Kevin's ability to spike with impunity while pretending the ball was Joe's dome (he would have broken his hand if he pretended it was GLG's bulbous dome). In an attempt to throw off Kevin and Target X, Frank devised a devious rotation based on his advanced studies in string (cheese) theory. With Target R bodies flying everywhere on the first serve, this strategy nearly backfired, as no one knew where their teammates were. In fact, GLG was heard proclaiming "Oh my God... I could feel him coming," before realizing the implications of his statement and quickly backpedaling. <br />
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Luckily, Target R was armed with a multitude of fresh substitutes and were able to conserve energy until Mean Joe finally arrived after a quick stop at the hospital/back alley chemist. After incurring numerous wounds from a vicious Frisbee golf match over the weekend (though he'll claim it was ultimate Frisbee), Joe was in need of a quick blood doping from the infamous Dr. Anthony Galea. Rumor has it he offered him double honoraria for his next five surveys in exchange for the procedure, and even told him the metrics and weightings that go into DPS/SMQ/latest flavor of the week. <br />
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Upon his arrival, a Mean Joe immediately served the ball into the parking lot, and began celebrating. KB, thinking that Joe had been doing some other doping, quickly got jealous and roofied his own Gatorade. Luckily, the antics of these two did not do too much damage to Target R's challenge, as Mike Bell, Aaron, Terry, and Gabriela locked down the team.<br />
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Midway through the first set, Kevin began making up rules and attempting to call violations on Target R, including a carry on an amazing save by Terry, an attempt to block a serve by Frank, and a name violation on Gabriela for having only one L in her name. Without access to the official Kevin rules, Target R laughed them off, and won the first set 15-11.<br />
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In the second set, the fresh bodies of Target R (and their well-rested bodies as well) continued to pay dividends. Joe continued to pretend he was playing tennis by grunting on each attempted spike. However, eventually the grunting starting to take something out of him, as after hitting the ball 8 consecutive times, he was rejected at the net by Brian. On another attempt he got the ball over, but somehow fell down. <br />
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But in the end, as Kevin got more and more frustrated, Target R took over and won the match, on five consecutive serves towards P-tinski on the back line. I think he just now dove for the last one. Target R finished with a 15-11, 15-7 victory, as KB remained undefeated in intra-company games. The water GLG brought was much appreciated by all, as GLG came to the game a Water-boy, but left it a Water-Man.<br />
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After the game, Kevin was ready to forfeit Target X's next game against Telerx, ashamed of his and his team's performance. Yet in another stunning move, KB in his roofied state traded himself to Target X, and convinced Kevin to play the next game, with an offer of extra roofies helping his cause. As Kevin so elequently stated, "Is there ever such a thing as too many roofies?"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-82555323679237679422011-07-20T11:54:00.003-04:002011-08-19T20:23:10.652-04:00TR Volleyball Game Recap (7/12): Four Ain't FairOn Tuesday night (7/12), Target R took on Kriesher Miller in a repeat of their game two weeks ago. After last weeks trade of KB rocked the volleyball league to its core, an even more stunning trade occurred earlier this week- KB for Steve (who hasn't showed up to any games), Mean Joe's Ford, and a favor from Terry. Knowing this trade would make Target R unstoppable, during negotiations Terry said to Kevin "what do you need me to do? Whack a guy? Off a guy? Whack off a guy?" While nefarious thoughts danced through Kevin's head, in the end he decided to simply have Terry keep his seat at Double Visions warm until he got there after Target X's game.<br />
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In celebration of this coup, Mean Joe, Terry, Frank, and GLG all missed the game, as Target R was forced to go to battle with a bruised and battered four players- Bad-Knee KB (nursing an oozing knee injury), Injured-Ankle Aaron, Bellyaching Mike Bell, and Green-With-Envy Gabriela (jealous that she was not one of the many people to miss the game). <br />
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As expected, the rich man's Ben Lin started the game off with his jump serve right into the net, straight out of the Book of Text. Target R jumped out to a quick 5-2 lead in the first set and it looked like they might have a chance, despite being out manned (and outwomaned). Yet somehow, this seemingly insurmountable lead was quickly surmounted. Despite Mike Bell's best efforts, diving all over the place, there was just too much empty space without GLG's bulbous dome to occupy half of the court. <br />
Target R battled back in the second set, coming back from a 14-7 deficit to cut the lead to 14-13, but in the end, they were overpowered. As Bootleg Ben Lin kept chanting "Let's see the soup" and "Nice job" to his own team, KB tried to get in his head by asking "What kind of soup?" and saying "Thank you." Eventually BBL was tired of this, and after a KB spike just evading his horizontal-dive, he yelled out "Cracker!" What a racist...<br />
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The lesson, as always, is that words hurt, but having one four players hurts even more, as the reason for the loss is placed squarely on the shoulders of the invisible fifth and sixth players. Meanwhile, Target X had a game as well, which I believe they won, given their plethora of players who were unwilling to help out Target R. As a disgusted KB walked away from both teams, awaiting his next trade, he screamed out "A plague on both your volleyball team," before reversing course, hugging it out with everyone, as he whispered, "I wish I knew how to quick you."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-7276580804396789382011-07-13T08:07:00.001-04:002011-08-19T20:23:22.941-04:00TRx Softball Game 9 Recap: The Curse Of Olde English Has Been LiftedOn Monday night, 7/11 (doubles?), TRx took on on the Liquient Regulators, in TRx's first game without Josh. Before starting his new job, he took a quick pit stop in Phoenix, Arizona, to see if his PBC Sports All-Star berth would transfer over to the Major League All Star game, but was laughed right out of Chase Field, despite all of the professionals who had dropped out of the game either due to injury or pitching on Sunday. To add insult to injury, after being escorted off of the premises, police questioned him pursuant to <a href="http://www.azleg.gov/legtext/49leg/2r/bills/sb1070s.pdf"><u>SB1070</u></a>, and demanded to see his immigration papers. However, all Josh had was his Ice Road Trucker registration. Unable to prove his legal status, Josh was deported to Mexico, where he is now trying to become a real-life <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgDaVLCaBzQ"><u>Kenny Powers</u></a>.<br />
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Josh's departure left a hole in the TargetRx outfield almost as big as the hole it left in his teammates hearts. Luckily, hibernation season ended, and Young Johnson aka "Bear" was able to make a game, and even was in charge of the promotions- a ProAir HFA hat with a meaningless P on the front, awarded to the first 10 players to show up. However, to prove that while he is gone, he is not forgotten, the team continued to josh around with the new leftfielder's name, leading him to say "did this dude just call me Josh," about 20 times. Yes, John, this dude did just call you Josh.<br />
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In addition to Remington's position in left, a brand new outfield alignment was put in place for this game. Easy Ed took over duties in left center, with hopes (by both himself and his teammates) that he wouldn't have to run very far. Each time he did have to run, either in the outfield or on the bases, the crowd would say "Eaaasy, Ed," praying he wouldn't injure himself. On the right side of the outfield, Mike locked down right center while James practiced his sorcery in right. Known best for his curse placed on the TRx softball team for refusing to officially proclaim English as their primary language (sources place him in Arizona when Josh was deported), or name Olde English as their beverage of choice, James was looking to strike again.<br />
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As the game began, Terry was still missing in action. Apparently, he was looking to let the 98 Degrees of heat dissipate before he planned on getting 'N Sync with his Backstreet Boys as the New Kid On The Block. But without Old Demps to mangle the lineup, the whole team almost fell apart before GLG finally used his bulbous dome to come up with the plan to switch Mento and Terry's position in the lineup, as a catastrophe worse than the looming debt crisis was narrowly averted.<br />
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After hits by Brian and GLG, KB went up to the plate looking to ensure Terry would make it before TRx had to play defense. His initial plan was to do one of two things- hit balls deep into the woods (where WTU could find them), or not swing the bat at all. Laziness won out as in an a first, he didn't swing at all and took a walk on four pitches, surprising even himself. As the ump called Ball Four and KB walked to first base, he promised to celebrate his tremendous feat of self-discipline (laziness) by doing the opposite, and reenacting all of the shenanigans that occurring in Jim Bouton's classic, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ball_Four"><u>Ball Four</u></a>, putting his status for next game in doubt even though it isn't for 2 weeks (as long as that idiotic 6:30 Friday night game is cancelled next week).<br />
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A flurry of hits followed by JR, Ed, and Mike, as TRx jumped out to a 5-0 lead. In the bottom of the first, with Terry back from visiting a land <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeG-hNXXy6I"><u>Down Under</u></a> to be a Man at Work, the toll that Greg's coming up with the switch of Bob and Terry quickly impacted the game. After a few routine base hits, Liquient had runners on second and third. TRx almost got out of the inning with no damage, as the runner on third refused to run home, despite a ground ball deep to short, and a fly ball to the outfield. However, just when TRx thought they would escape, a slow ground ball (slower than the TRx defense usually takes the field) headed/bulbous domed toward GLG. The pretzel in his head still tying his brain in knots, GLG let the ball roll through his legs (which is the first time anything has been between them in 9 months plus however old Zoe is now), as Liquient scored 2 runs to get on the board. No further damage was done, as TRx got out of the inning leading 5-2.<br />
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TRx continued to inflict damage on offense, as they quickly discovered Liquients weaknesses- fly balls to left, pop ups to the pitcher, or pretty much anything hit anywhere (not to mention the always dangerous walk). Somehow, the random nonsense that the Liquient scorekeeper kept yelling (like such gems as "look where his feet are pointing") did not help their defense, although in fairness, their defense did not help their defense either...<br />
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Other offensive highlights include GLG partially redeeming himself for his earlier miscue with his first non-Oppo-Boppo of the season, Mike striking out but at least giving the team a nice breeze with his powerful hack, and Christin and Gabriela both reaching base multiple times, including starting a rally after Mike's K. JR picked up multiple hits as well (which he specifically requested be mentioned), including a powerfully hit double that the second baseman dropped. Somehow John managed to get GLG forced out at third multiple times, each time yelling from first "Not my fault... Greg's fault." GLG almost picked up a K himself, as he went for an Oppo Boppo despite two strikes on him, popping it up towards the pitcher. All the pitcher had to do was let is drop and bounce foul, but alas, he couldn't handle the ball in his glove, as I suppose he is used to doing it barehanded... <br />
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JR was also the third base coach (for apparently the first time ever) on some of the more memorable plays. Each time Christin or Gabriela would be running towards third, John stood silently by until being asked "what should I do" by the baserunner as they approached. Apparently he is of the speak-when-spoken-to base coaching mentality, and then goes into therapist mode, asking "what would you like to do?." It was the complete opposite of Josh, who would sent anyone, and more likely, somehow substituted himself in for them to run home and truck someone.<br />
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On defense, after GLG's miscue, TRx began flashing more leather than an S&M club. Gabriela was involved in one of the top plays of the year, as she fielded a hard ground ball towards second and expertly flipped the ball to GLG for the out, kicking off the most amazing mid-game celebration of all time, which including lots of jumping up and down, screaming, hugging, high fives, and fireworks. Terry and Greg both made difficult plays and fired the ball to Brian at third to get the lead runner, despite being less than 5 feet from him. Luckily, Brian's quick glove saved him from balls to the face... Later, Brian got to inadvertently (supposedly) return the favor to GLG. After fielding a hard grounder to third, he wound up to throw to Gabriela at second, before quickly turning, and firing the ball at Greg's bulbous dome. Somehow, GLG had the presence of mind to catch, pivot, and continue to fire the ball to Gabriela, who made another excellent play for the out. GLG also had an amazing flip-off-the-cap, over-the-shoulder back-to-the-plate catch in the outfield. Even KB got into the mix, as he instituted the shift to perfection, playing midway between first and second, on the grass, and making a falling down stop on a grounder to get the runner at second (because that was clearly not a legit dive or slide). <br />
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In the end, TRx finished off Liquient 15-5 in 5 innings, as the curse of James was lifted. Apparently after the death of Nate Dogg, the Regulaaaaators! couldn't mount up. The victory moves TRx to 7-2. Despite being in Ireland, Old Demps managed to send words of encouragement via carrier pigeon proclaiming "I hope you won. If not, whatever." Rumor has it next Friday's 6:30 game is still in the process of being postponed. Supposedly there is an All-Star game and Home Run Derby this weekend. As Josh has probably mentioned multiple times, he was selected. As was GLG. The current over/under on how many people show up for it is 15. Place your bets...<br />
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The Casey Anthony verdict... OH THE OUTRAGE. HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN? Guess what- if you followed the entirety of this trial, you are an asshole, for potentially many different reasons... Let us go through them:<br />
1. You have no life- you heard about this new "trial of the century." You followed every twist and turn of the trial. You consider yourself an expert at law. And somehow, despite your expertise at law, the jury went the other way. YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE!<br />
2. You think Casey Anthony is now going to capitalize on her fame, and just drink, have sex, and have a merry old time for the rest of her days. Maybe even get a reality TV show... How dare she capitalize on the fame THAT YOU GAVE HER!!! Maybe it says something about me, but I had no idea who Casey Anthony was until 2 weeks ago when a friend asked me about her. And you know what? I still didn't have any idea who she was until the verdict came down. And now that everyone has made a big deal about it- I DON't GIVE A SHIT. That's how it should be. Horrible things happen in this country all the time (sorry to say, but much worse things that the Casey Anthony situation happen every single day... EVERY SINGLE DAY, but no one cares about most of those situations). If she gets famous, its the fault of the same people who claim they are mad because she might get famous, as they will be the only ones paying any type of attention to her. Me? In five minutes I will have no idea who she is once again... But you guys enjoy being self-righteous when she gets on TV and you contribute to her ratings... <br />
3. You think that the prosecution was incompetent. Everyone is all of the sudden law experts... Casey Anthony is the new OJ... Guess what, it takes a hell of a lot to prove a case beyond a reasonable doubt. And you know what? No matter how heinous the crime (and I agree that the crime was heinous), if the defense was able to instill doubt within one juror, GOOD. That means the system is working. How many innocent persons were wrongly convicted and had their lives ruined? Does that mean that some guilty people go free? Yes it does. But if some self-righteous vigilante ends up killing Casey Anthony, THAT person should get put to death, by the same mob that is calling for HER life, or else all of those people are hypocrites (even thought they will probably be the same ones watching her reality show and giving it record ratings). <br />
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Derek Jeter got 3,000 hits. In my opinion, this is the more significant feat. At least this one brings most people together in a positive way around a common cause (although the ASSHOLE Red Sucks fans will likely complain, at least they will all be complaining together).<br />
1. Finally, a baseball player that has never taken steroids has done something rare... only the 28th person of all time to get 3,000 hits, and the first Yankee (meaning he is the only one that matters)...<br />
2. Someone who has always stayed loyal to his team, and represents everything that is right with the world. He represents NY well (by banging only the hottest of the hot chicks), and has never wavered in his willingness to go all out. He will forever be know as The Captain for a reason... <br />
3. Gave people something to cheer for- going 5-5 in a Yankees victory should cause more cheers than a JURY verdict about anything. That's the thing about a jury... they listen to fact, and then make a decision based on the law and the facts presented... if someone is not found guilty its because one of those two reasons- the LAW or the FACTS didn't provide enough reason for a guilty verdict. <br />
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But I hope everyone enjoys both reality shows... Jeter's on HBO, and Casey Anthony's on whatever channel, the rest of that bullshit was on... All it means is that you are all assholes who like to either live vicariously through people who don't care about you at all, or you wanted to "die" vicariously through someone you thought should be put to death but wasn't. And if you're reading this and are righteously indignant about my comments about Casey Anthony, you probably already know what time and channel her reality show will be on and have it DVR'd, which is something I will never have, so you can go fuck yourself... same thing with those who DVR'd Jeter's 3,000th hit and plan on not erasing it for years. Get a fucking life...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-81119781604945878892011-07-07T11:53:00.002-04:002011-08-19T20:23:49.550-04:007/5/11 Volleyball Game Recap: A House Divided Against Itself Cannot StandAs Abraham Lincoln (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X58RPS665V0"><u>Vampire Hunter</u></a>?) said, "a house divided against itself cannot stand," which proved true in the long-awaited intra-office volleyball game between Target R and Target X on Tuesday, 7/5. With news of the balance-of-power-altering trade of KB from Target R to Target X still taking the league by storm, an odd explosive quiet occupied the halls of TargetRx throughout that fateful day. Mean Joe, unable to sleep since said trade/giveaway of KB, was antsy with anticipation, and just kept repeating the words "Set," "Bump," and "Spike over and over again. Luckily, no one named Spike with ties to the cocaine industry works at TRx, or else many bumps would have been set up, potentially leading to the forfeiture of games due to failed drug tests by Mean Joe and his team.<br />
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Meanwhile, Kevin's team was at ease. In preparation for this epic battle, Target X all read the "both educational and entertaining" tome from the mind of Patrick, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Evolution-Revolutions-Create-Shape-Change/dp/1616142359"><u>The Evolution of Revolutions</u></a>. Armed with the knowledge of how we create, shape, and react to change, Target X (not to be confused with <a href="http://www.targetx.com/our-story/our-story/"><u>TargetX</u></a>, which began with a cocktail napkin) was fully prepared to take on the height of the Towers of Power (Mike and Joe), the enormity of GLG's bulbous dome, the deadly service of Nicki, and the skilled acumen of Aaron and Frank (not to mention the potential explosiveness of Aaron's Frank).<br />
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Upon arriving at the courts, mayhem ran rampant, as there were missing balls (mostly from Joe's team, who couldn't handle their fear of Target X). Eventually, Mean Joe Ford finally showed up in Joe's Mean Ford to save the day. During the warmup, Target X continued to inspire fear in the hearts and minds of the lesser team, as Patrick had a vicious stuff of Mike Bell at the net. Greg's hands were shaking so much he was forced to resort to using his feet.<br />
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Highlights of the game itself included Jumping Josh Flash making the most of his last TRx sporting event, by running all over the place (he must be trying to get elected to the volleyball All Star team as well), KB doing a split, forcing him into speaking in a high voice the rest of the game, and an inspirational appearance by Patrick's family.<br />
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After losing the first set, Mean Joe starting praying (although is it really praying if you are cursing the whole time?). Target R started picking up steam in the second set, giving Joe a false sense of confidence. This led to the best serve of the game, by Nicki (although P-tinski may have taken a dive to help her out). However, Mean Joe has previously negotiated a practice serve for her, so what could have been a turning point in the match ended up meaningless. With such great negotiation skills, Joe should be put on the sales team... Yet even without Nikki's powerful serve, somehow Target R managed to even the match at a set apiece.<br />
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In the third set, Brian started making a mockery of Joe's prayers, by going with the prayer/chop return. During the back-and-forth third set, Kevin all of the sudden became a stickler for the rules, calling Joe out for jumping into the net. This despite the fact that probably 80% of the hits would be rendered illegal in a legit game. However, this mental warfare worked, and Target X prevailed. <br />
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In the end, Kevin and Kate (Brian's sister) plus Eight (minus 3) defeated Target R 15-12, 11-15, 15-10, and all was right in the world. Taking a cue from Theresa, they had "skimmed the foam" of TargetRx volleyball. If there had been a mometary wager on the outcome of the game, Target X was in discussions to re-purchase the third floor, and build a staircase to it in the most ideal place possible- right next to another staircase, before realizing that was a stupid idea. Meanwhile, with KB reamining undefeated by winning his second game with his second team, he will now be traded to yet another team in the league. At this rate, he is going to get passed around more often than the Analyst/Consultant/Solutionist department gets renamed...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-32479202633802102502011-07-01T07:25:00.001-04:002011-08-19T20:24:38.540-04:00TRx Volleyball Game 5 Recap: Return of the New GuyOn Tuesday, 7/28 Target R finally played their third game of the season, after postponements the previous two weeks. Mean Joe must have been going insane with anticipation, as he lives for these games. However, all that waiting made it that much better when he realized KB would be making an appearance at the game. As these two star-crossed former colleagues saw each other across the sand, time stood still. Finally, the began running towards each other in slow motion and embraced, and all was right in the world. <br />
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Knowing that five of the six players were coming straight from a thrilling softball game (Aaron, GLG, Gabriela, KB, and Terry), Mean Joe knew he'd be outnumbered and would have to be at his meanest to keep the team interested. During the warm-up, he began spiking on his own teammates while screaming "YOU AIN'T GONNA GET THAT ONE!" If only he was wearing socks, it would have been a fitting homage to Uncle NayNay, whose cousin was at the courts (volleyball, not judicial) for some reason.<br />
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Given only one female on the team, TRx played with five active players, and one rotated out. This lucky person was able to amuse themselves by sitting on the Bench of Nice, aptly named after the TRx volleyball team of old, where Play A was routinely run, the Book of Text came out whenever Blin would serve, and everyone would say "NICE" after each point, or for any reason at all. Those were also the days when the captain of the team realized having two TRx teams would result in a logistical nightmare, and shouldn't to be attempted under any circumstances (or GLG was just lazy). However, this bench should not be confused with the <a href="http://www.waymarking.com/gallery/image.aspx?f=1&guid=39fcc855-e8fc-4ef3-bc51-b7c835cb4a7b&lat=49.427807&lon=15.225356&t=6"><u>Bench of Vice</u></a> in the Czech Republic, despite what illicit accounts may have appeared in previous <a href="http://fatdrunknstupid.blogspot.com/2006/07/2006-volleyball-game-7172006.html"><u>volleyball write-ups</u></a>...<br />
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As the new guy, KB sat out first. With GLG serving, T-R quickly jumped out to a 7-1 lead, as the other team was barely able to return Greg's wicked serves. They were likely in awe of the size of Greg's bulbous dome in the background and were unable to see the ball. The similarities to a solar eclipse were further reinforced as GLG began to break out into his remix of Total Eclipse of the Heart (GLG's title- Total Eclipse of the Head). <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKLEhRdUJcpn-lWmqXTGN9YzW45f4K2QMm6BFjyT0RDlbD6oxQCRGmV16V3yRe7Ds6PmprvPP0y0I6IOIdyWQW0ATEl_eup-YPZr6lsKIlIrL1B5Fhfv2YgUYMbKjNyRf208JaCTvS3W8/s1600/newguy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKLEhRdUJcpn-lWmqXTGN9YzW45f4K2QMm6BFjyT0RDlbD6oxQCRGmV16V3yRe7Ds6PmprvPP0y0I6IOIdyWQW0ATEl_eup-YPZr6lsKIlIrL1B5Fhfv2YgUYMbKjNyRf208JaCTvS3W8/s320/newguy.jpg" width="224" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">GLG always gets the worst job... although he seems happy about it</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4hqk3XKwxIuz7pq9Yqvx07aFPFVSs5RLTP4_N3KNL-4BRy205IsN_B_ofHX0KPnLqRhgZga2CmH7gAnwZXGTeVVkW1H53azfXPC4_5uzBjtYFnsNa0nWLY2OfEiR9oWZfSCV8dvs-poY/s1600/greg+eclipse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="129" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4hqk3XKwxIuz7pq9Yqvx07aFPFVSs5RLTP4_N3KNL-4BRy205IsN_B_ofHX0KPnLqRhgZga2CmH7gAnwZXGTeVVkW1H53azfXPC4_5uzBjtYFnsNa0nWLY2OfEiR9oWZfSCV8dvs-poY/s320/greg+eclipse.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Which eclipse is more impressive?</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
On the next rotation, Mean Joe had to come out, despite barely getting any action. It was KB's turn to serve, and he proved he hasn't lost his talents, implementing the kick serve to perfection, as well as all of his other hand/ball tricks (he's had a lot of practice...). T-R quickly jumped out to a 12-1 lead, as Joe was hopping around in anticipation of returning to the game. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFOCmWM_z-0MxqfJPfY52IXUicaKre87dFeFs9sGwpfa1Vta1v4B9K8Yikz0OUOY4S2v-7cgedClcRQID8h8e8cUXe3JZ0DtXkDJ1ct4tqCnoUy0Ns6toVME8VIJXq3xN1TMLvYTh_gZk/s1600/MeanJoeKangaroo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFOCmWM_z-0MxqfJPfY52IXUicaKre87dFeFs9sGwpfa1Vta1v4B9K8Yikz0OUOY4S2v-7cgedClcRQID8h8e8cUXe3JZ0DtXkDJ1ct4tqCnoUy0Ns6toVME8VIJXq3xN1TMLvYTh_gZk/s320/MeanJoeKangaroo.png" width="211" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mean Joe was hopping mad about not playing</td></tr>
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Eventually, the opposing team's sixth player showed up- a spitting image of Ben Lin, except this guy was actually athletic, instead of just wearing tight white t-shirts to pretend. However, he apparently read the same Book of Text that Ben did, as his first few attempts at the jump-serve only resulted in a outright laughter from Mean Joe (he doesn't have that nickname for nothing). T-R eventually closed out the first set 15-7.<br />
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In the second set, TRx began to bring all the tricks out of their arsenal. KB used GLG's patented lefty hook multiple times, as well as gave a science lesson on economies of motion. Mean Joe began to spike directly on the head of each member of the other team while unleashed screams of rage. GLG briefly forgot what sport he was playing as he nearly executed his softball signature play of the over the shoulder catch before realizing he was playing volleyball. All told, T-R jumped out to another 12-1 lead.<br />
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Holding such an advantage, T-R began to take their foot off the gas just a bit, and thank (Dear) God they did. On one play, the ball was heading straight towards the empty spot between Joe and GLG, and they both appeared to be preparing to dive for it. The resulting dude-on-dude dome would not have been pretty, and could have been this years equivalent of the AT incident from year's past. And in addition, with the size of Greg's bulbous head, someone could have gotten hurt, which would have been hard to swallow. T-R eventually closed out the second set 15-7 as well to seal the victory.<br />
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The victory pushes Target R to 2-1. Next week the inter-office battle of the year is on, between Target R and Target X (3-0). Target R is currently contemplating a one week name change to Target Arrrgggghhhh, with appropriate pirate costumes for the game, and is promising to make Target X walk the plank (although that would require dismantling the Bench of Nice). Meanwhile, Target X plans on tripling up and going as Target XXX (something Kevin has been thinking about for a looong time). And quite frankly, if that's the case, the Bench of Nice may actually become the Bench of Vice... <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKavgA5pf-aE9qlgRDIXMJ7zvgcnuhLaNgvafpLLKDCIysl8xWaFVKti83RZz3b5yYa3dm7qQDZAhzoonDVsa95N9Er0UU6CvIUcM2Rz6jNaXGeSoceMGtQHRbQh4ZLgxtOfmjGlVAOPw/s1600/bench+of+vice.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKavgA5pf-aE9qlgRDIXMJ7zvgcnuhLaNgvafpLLKDCIysl8xWaFVKti83RZz3b5yYa3dm7qQDZAhzoonDVsa95N9Er0UU6CvIUcM2Rz6jNaXGeSoceMGtQHRbQh4ZLgxtOfmjGlVAOPw/s320/bench+of+vice.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Bench of Vice is not a myth... I've seen it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-83381083743740093292011-06-30T08:01:00.001-04:002011-08-19T20:24:53.685-04:00TRx Softball Game 8 Recap: Taking It In The Bottom Never Felt So GoodOn Tuesday night (6/28/11), TRx (5-2) took on the Feral Cats (4-3) in a prime pairing for potential playoff positioning. However, things looked ominous early on as TRx was short-handed to start, with <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=6707492"><u>TO missing in action while undergoing surgery for his torn ACL</u></a> (which likely occurred when Trucker Josh almost chased him down on a home run two games ago), and Aaron having a bizarre clothing malfunction. Apparently he only brought in his righty softball paraphernalia to work, so he had to rush home to get his lefty equipment and keep up the ruse that he is a crafty lefty (although the said ruse proves he is quite crafty).<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyctgp39kf7hlt9hw3nRQyAPVNC0ZsL4omSWMUfY1FqffVuvrbXvBVtko6n79cbCHB8njA4heGToxAn0Y_H5q6Fyv04CQ3m7pAm_TvhvXvO976iDSeOh0ryMvhJepuenIXuKluq1NCsV0/s1600/wardrobe+malfunction.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyctgp39kf7hlt9hw3nRQyAPVNC0ZsL4omSWMUfY1FqffVuvrbXvBVtko6n79cbCHB8njA4heGToxAn0Y_H5q6Fyv04CQ3m7pAm_TvhvXvO976iDSeOh0ryMvhJepuenIXuKluq1NCsV0/s1600/wardrobe+malfunction.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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Missing these vital cogs in the softball machine, TRx had to start the game with only three outfielders, and this led to problems early. After Bob made a solid acrobatic catch on a ball hit right to him in center, Old Demps just missed a catch in right that would have ended the inning. It appeared that he underestimated his own track star speed, as he slightly overran the ball. If only he had a cigarette in his mouth- it could have slowed him just enough to make the play. Yet TRx was able to limit the damage, as the Wild Felines could only manage two runs.<br />
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TRx answered back in the bottom of the first, as the sight of Aaron on the horizon eased everybody's nerves. Demps quickly redeemed himself with a base hit, and GLG followed up with a double. KB then did the noble thing, sacrificing himself for the good of the team, and TRx tied up the game on an RBI base hit by Terry. <br />
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The Undomesticated Gatitos got two more in the top of the second, as Josh paid homage to Berardi on a line drive to left that got under his glove. Unlike Berardi, Josh didn't just lay there afterwards, and instead quickly got the ball and fired it in to limit the damage. The defense solidified after that, allowing no more runs for the rest of the game, aided by the opposing team having the two most unathletic "athletic"-looking guys on their team in all of Horsham.<br />
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TRx tried to chip away for the rest of the game, with limited success. GLG, attempting to go for another "Oppo Boppo" instead hit a week pop-up to the right side between the pitcher and first baseman. The ump was so flabbergasted that he didn't even call an infield fly, and somehow GLG managed to advance the runners, although he was out at first. During pregame warmups Christin and Gabriela took batting practice, which paid dividends during the game, as both reached base. Josh just missed a home-run that was inches foul. Yet TRx could not get in another run until KB managed to reach on an error that allowed GLG to score and cut the lead to 4-3, although GLG's reaching third base was in question.<br />
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With Dempsey trying to both keep the book, and coach third, he yelled to Greg that he could slow down and not slide, despite the ball being already in the air towards third. Luckily, GLG made it, and even more luckily, TO then limped towards the field from the parking lot, to take over the book, so Dempsey could get back to only concentrating on one thing at a time (it's still unknown what that one thing is). <br />
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The defense came up big one more time in the sixth inning. Terry attempted the always dangerous intentional unintentional walk to one of their power hitters, yet this guy was having none of it, as he called a strike on himself instead of taking the walk. He ended up reaching anyway. The next batter hit a swirling pop up to Brian at third. With a heads-up move, Brian bobbled the ball at first to make it appear that he would drop it. This drew the runner off the bag at first, and Brian tried to fired in behind him. Unfortunately, the runner used his soccer skills to kick the ball away, prevent the double play and allowing him to reach second (with soccer skills like that the US Men's team could have used him in the Gold Cup final). The next batter got a single to put runners on the corners with one out. As TRx moved to double play depth (is there any other kind?), Terry induced the necessary ground ball. However, it was to the right of GLG, making a double play unlikely. Somehow, GLG fielded the ball while running towards third, managed to stop the momentum of his bulbous head, turn around, run (if you could call it that) all the way to second, and fire to first for an inning-ending double play as the crowd went wild.<br />
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TRx entered the bottom of the seventh still trailing 4-3. On the bench, Dempsey got to his knees (which somehow actually made him look taller) and began to pray, starting with the title of Uncle NayNay's book, "Dear God." At that very moment, actual deer appeared in right field. Despite being a supposed hunter, this was the closest Greg had ever gotten to a deer.<br />
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It was as if it was a sign... Aaron quickly got a hit to the right side, and aggressively took second. Josh, with heavy matters weighing on his mind, just missed a HR that could have ended the game. Old Demps, still giddy over the dear sighting then singled up the middle, putting runners on the corners. GLG tried for his first deer kill, attempting to go the other way once again, but the ball soared into the woods, and GLG still hasn't popped his dear-killing cherry. He took the opposite approach on his next swing, pulling the ball to left, and tying up the game. Sensing a special moment, KB took off his glasses as he approached the plate. The Feral Cats were all of the sudden transformed into Domesticated Pussies, and quickly changed strategy, bringing the first baseman in to catch, and opting not to go with the intentional walk to make it a force at home. KB then calmly singled through the left side and the game was won!<br />
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TRx had completed Double D's favorite saying, and took it in the bottom! And it was gooood... real good. So good that the celebration went on all night long. The celebrants ended up getting kicked out of multiple bars as their cheers of "We Take It In The Bottom" and "All Night Long" started to run together, much to the chagrin of the other patrons at each bar. However, they did manage to run up quite the bar tab...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgucxdEHhJo1F8sF-hiyeb5wS5-WHBQ-RsjWmXtsog5v5zWvDaVu4Xw8QLrAHTwHsd8MDz-5u3hIk7ZONQPGu0tXDrhW03FAyD-zguqxzb0NpywjEqRiXffHQho29b9ULilDBKvO9CCi2g/s1600/bar+tab.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgucxdEHhJo1F8sF-hiyeb5wS5-WHBQ-RsjWmXtsog5v5zWvDaVu4Xw8QLrAHTwHsd8MDz-5u3hIk7ZONQPGu0tXDrhW03FAyD-zguqxzb0NpywjEqRiXffHQho29b9ULilDBKvO9CCi2g/s320/bar+tab.png" width="238" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So nice of TRx to pick up the tab...</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
As the victory celebration went on into the next morning, a bit of sad news came reached the team, as Trucker Josh put in his two weeks notice. Apparently getting an All-Star berth has inspired him to see more of the world and leave behind the team that made him into who he is as a softball player, and quite frankly, as a man. Rumors about as to where he will be heading abound. Will he be returning to the Ice Road for the next season of Ice Road Truckers? Will he be trying to complete his dream of becoming a professional softball player? Will his band Oso be going on tour, as he drives the band with his classic party beats? Wherever it is, his teammates reacted like this guy to Ned's death on Game of Thrones upon hearing the news.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Xhf2EDUIyvg" width="425"></iframe><br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">With the next game two weeks away (yet again), we may have seen the last of our star left fielder. However, Demps has a plan, though it will require him to be missing in action for the next game, as he is journeying to Ireland to kiss the Blarney Stone (while he is Blarney stoned) and make a wish that Josh continues to come to games. Knowing how well his plans usually turn out, things could get interesting...</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigRifKQXnEFbF6XFYnvwNnf57OteMdkmh1f7yI2zX8y9mufQep8fC5dC_QAAqFZhBkxVlntkiTnuRY2hv43oOuXSjwDQ2I_4_u03qiPYGRmAPgNJQtNGuXBaoqoBj_77fKDzmCBs3P-4Q/s1600/demps+blarney.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigRifKQXnEFbF6XFYnvwNnf57OteMdkmh1f7yI2zX8y9mufQep8fC5dC_QAAqFZhBkxVlntkiTnuRY2hv43oOuXSjwDQ2I_4_u03qiPYGRmAPgNJQtNGuXBaoqoBj_77fKDzmCBs3P-4Q/s1600/demps+blarney.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Smooth Old Demps...</td></tr>
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<noscript>&lt;br /&gt; &lt;a href="http://polldaddy.com/poll/5193184/"&gt;Where is Josh going?&lt;/a&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:9px;"&gt;&lt;a href="http://polldaddy.com/features-surveys/"&gt;Market Research&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br /&gt; </noscript></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3470654331407523427.post-84126294869137160062011-06-29T20:36:00.003-04:002011-08-19T20:25:05.925-04:00TRx Softball Game 7 Recap: My Ears HurtOn Thursday, 7/16, TRx (5-1) took on undefeated Quest Diagnostics (3-0) in a battle of B-league juggernauts. Before the game, Dempsey used his motivational skills once again, proclaiming "a loss won't be the end of the world" and a bunch of other words that TRx tuned out, soothed by the knowledge that the world would be safe regardless of the outcome. However, Quest had one quickly Diagnosed secret weapon in this game that would make TRx's quest that must more difficult- a schizophrenic catcher who wouldn't shut up the whole game. Not even the presence of Zoe was enough to overcome the incessant alternation between heckling and offers of friendship from <b>T</b>he <b>HU</b>man <b>M</b>egaphone (THUM).<br />
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The Quest offense started off strong, finding multiple holes in the makeshift TRx defense, likely due to the distractions caused by THUM screaming at all times. After a string of base hits and a few Quest runs scoring, TRx made the rash decision of utilizing "the shift." However, this was not just in reference to the defensive ploy of moving Mento to play short-left center, it was also the <a href="http://www.theshift.com/">practice of shifting our perception from the material point of view to a spiritual point of view</a>, much in line with Dempsey's loss comment. <br />
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As each member of the team embraced the nirvana within themselves, things started to happen for TRx. Mento ended up perfectly positioned for multiple fly balls to the outfield. KB was filled with so much spirituality that he appeared to be floating on air. In fact, this twice doomed TRx in the field, as the ump claimed he was off the base on two close plays at first. Either that, or KB needs to finally upgrade from the cleats he has been wearing for almost 20 years into ones that actually fit, and don't take 5 minutes each to squeeze into. On one such play, THUM was on first base and was running to second as the throw came into first. Somehow, despite being face-to-face with GLG's bulbous dome, she screamed out "HIS FOOT WAS OFF THE BASE." What kind of mythic creature has eyes in the back of her head? Apparently one who is loud and obnoxious at all times...<br />
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Meanwhile, in the outfield, Josh, still jacked up over his election to the All Star team, decided to fight for a position in the 'awesome outfield arm' competition (which surprisingly, doesn't actually exist). Josh has been trying out for this competition for years, as evidenced by his blatant disregard for the cutoff man. Although with GLG as cutoff man, perhaps he was just scared that the gravitational pull of Greg's bulbous dome would lead to the ball being lost forever. As Quest continued their parade of hits, no less than five times did the Ice Road Trucker field the ball in left, and fire home, despite the runner having already scored, sat back down on their bench, and rubbed one out. However, Josh had a method to his madness- he knew each meaningless throw he made home would allow the other baserunners to advance to second and third, which would only serve to give him additional opportunities to throw someone out at home. Of course, TRx was unable to capitalize on any of said opportunities. <br />
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On offense, Aaron overcame his leg injuries to beat out a close play at first, as if he was <a href="http://graceofjesus.com/footprints.html"><u>gliding </u></a>through the spiritual realm. Josh continued his hot streak with yet another home run. TO got into the action, with a slide/glide into second. GLG decided to do the same as well, diving/sliding/stopping, dropping, and rolling into second after a line drive was caught. <br />
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GLG also attempted to hit another "Oppo Boppo," but with the ball only barely reaching the green grass of the outfield, it didn't look like it was meant to be. However, as GLG let go of his material desire for a homerun, bizarre things began to happen... Somehow the ball dropped in safely behind the second base-woman, and GLG took off for second. The throw was off-line, and GLG took off for third. With Quest still unable to pick up the ball, GLG hustled home to again come face to face with the screaming catcher, in the process securing an asterisk next to the HR, signifying it as the weakest HR of all time. Hopefully, Zoe learned the valuable lesson that it is better to be lucky than good (I think that may have been the same manner of how she was conceived as well). And hopefully she doesn't have permanent hearing damage (and will never read these writeups).<br />
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In the end, TRx fell 13-7, dropping TRx to 5-2 and following a similar path as last year, as the curse of James English continued. By the end of the game, ears still ringing from THUM, TRx was just happy it was over. But at least Dempsey's proclamation was true- the world did not end, although there was horse (and man) that were seen on the field during the game. Luckily, the other three horsemen of the apocalypse were otherwise occupied. Though TRx could have used those wild horses (as opposed to Wyld Stallyns) to drag THUM away...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqQp7ai7BuBzAC9EaAm5gzDnjyqR_54sZZR1xCWmeUVQfpaXVVeuWMyJi2Jat5iG8sXidHi_XlA7jn3AU4qY7Jqc9gsuTU8t9B12-EUpPfJ3Iz4zos3I76Bjyptkois0Zp_xYLqpwSCM4/s1600/wyld+stallynz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqQp7ai7BuBzAC9EaAm5gzDnjyqR_54sZZR1xCWmeUVQfpaXVVeuWMyJi2Jat5iG8sXidHi_XlA7jn3AU4qY7Jqc9gsuTU8t9B12-EUpPfJ3Iz4zos3I76Bjyptkois0Zp_xYLqpwSCM4/s320/wyld+stallynz.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">...should have dragged THUM away...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0