Adventures In Getting To Work

So last night my personal driver, DarDar, was apparently up all night drinking...  Ahhh, to be young and naive again.  This is becoming a pattern of his, and I usually am aware of it based an receiving a text message between the hours of midnight and 3 AM saying something to the effect of "call check me at 7:30," indicating he has been drinking and will conntinue to do so, therefore he probably won't wake up on his own volition. 

So I do that this morning, and to my surprise, I immediately get the following responses:
7:33 AM: "Omg$"
7:35 AM: "Woooooooooord"
7:37 AM: "We r deff goNna be late"

Turns out, this genius of a specimen decided to stay up all night by himself on a Wednesday, finishing off whatever beer was at his place, then moving on to vodka, and then topping it off with some gin.  All of which I could smell when he finally arrived at my place to pick me up at 8:30 (despite clearly being awake at 7:30 and living only 5 minutes away).

I was greeted with a loud "YOOOOOOO" and then informed that we might not make it in to work.  Luckily, we completed the death-defying 40 minute drive in successfully, though the following lines were uttered:

• "We might not make it in today"
• "I can't stop seeing two of the road"
• "I see four lanes" (when there were only 2)
• "staying between the lines is the hardest thing I've done in months"
• "you better keep talking to me so we don't die"

I also put on a seatbelt voluntarily for the first time in months (I'm a bad boy), and DarDar took my lead after about 2 minutes.  You know it's bad when the driver, who usually doesn't wear a seatbelt, realizes how much of a menace he is, and decides to put one on...  It was the first time I've stayed awake for the full ride in in probably 6 months, as I clutched anything I could, bracing for impact, and praying for my safety through the multitude of swerves and near-misses.  I think I need a drink now...