Roger:
- Roger: We all want to know if you can be Santa at the Christmas party.
- Roger: We're gonna have to have a Christmas party... a real one.
- Roger: We have Pond's, and I hate the way you say percent, you know that?
- Roger: If Lee Garner, Jr. wants three wise men from Jeruselem, he gets it.
- Roger: We need to change its rating from convalescent home to roman orgy.
- Roger: Yes, I pity him- ruined in that sea of bikinis.
- Roger: I would, but I'm allergic to velvet.
- Roger: What do all the good boys and girls want for Christmas? Lucky Strike!
- Roger: And I have a very special present for a little boy who knows he's been naughty. Lee!
- Roger: My father used to say this is the greatest job in the world except for one thing- the clients.
Multiple Characters:
- Don: But you will be getting a bonus. Even if I have to see to it myself.
Allison: Thank you. I didn't want to have to write a letter to Santa. - Roger: It's been too long.
Freddie: Nah, just long enough. - Freddie: Geez, it looks like an italian hospital.
Roger: I know, I know. Joan got a decorator. I feel like with my hair you can't even see me in here. - Freddie: I don't want Pete Campbell anywhere near that thing. I'm surprised you took him along.
Roger: No comment - Roger: A little early for that, isn't it, Don?
Don: Very funny. - Jeff: Faye helped develop the indelible image that has become the standard of feminine hygiene advertising- the Carefree Gal... in white pants.
Faye: It's right up there with the polio vaccine. - Faye: Please, take a cookie.
Harry: What if we don't?
Faye: Then you're a psychopath. - Don: I really appreciate the invitation, Phoebe, but I'm late for work.
Phoebe: So you should thank me for waking you up. - Roger: You're off limits.
Joan: I don't think he's the one that needs to be reminded. - Mark: We're not doing anything.
Peggy: We're doing some things.
Mark: We're not doing anything I can't do myself. - Mark: In Sweden, they make love the minute they're attracted, and it's healthier because you can find... you know, the perfect person, because making love is a very important part of a life with someone. The most important... in Sweden.
Peggy: You're never going to get me to do anything Swedish people do. - Dr. Atherton: If they pass MediCare, they won't stop until they ban personal property.
Faye: Storm our houses, and rape our wives. - Faye: I can't leave until Jeff and Burt Cooper figure out a way to take food from children.
Don: Well, if anyone can do it... - Don: Did you enjoy ze Fuhrer's birthday?
Roger: May he live to be 1,000 years.
Freddie:
- Freddie: I feel like I'm getting sucked into that thing.
- Freddie: I feel like the tin man.
- Freddie: If you don't mind working with this old thing over here.
- Freddie: What, you can't put two and two together?
- Freddie: Don't worry, I'm sure yours will be better, because you're a girl here.
- Freddie: If young girls started using it, maybe they'd find a husband and they wouldn't be so angry.
- Freddie: If you use Pond's you'll get married. Or we could go the other way. If you don't use it, you won't get married.
- Freddie: I'm sorry I'm at your desk. It was the cleanest spot in the office.
- Freddie: It's been my experience that when they give you a Santa suit, there is already a bottle in the pocket.
- Freddie: I was that way with Violet- insatiable.
- Freddie: You can't lead him on. That is physically very uncomfortable, you know. It's not a joke.
Don:
- Don: I left that freezer door open...
- Don: Tell me when they pull the curtains so I can get out of here.
- Don: I don't hate Christmas... I hate this Christmas.
- Don: I'm disappointed. I thought you came her to flirt, but you came here to fight.
- Don: Thank you for bringing me my keys. I really appreciate it. I've probably taken advantage of your kindness on too many occassions.
Joan:
- Joan: We have gifts, girls, and games. But first let me get you some food.
Harry:
- Harry: Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Glen:
- Glen: Sorry, but they're not going to get back together, you know. Especially now that she's doing it with somebody else.
- Glen: Don't turn on the lights, shithead.
Phoebe:
- Phoebe: Well the shift just ended and we have to do it because between Christmas and New Year's we're overrun with suicides.
- Phoebe: Don't pretend you've never noticed me.
- Phoebe: If you don't behave, I'm not going to take your shoes off and you're going to wake up with sores on your heels.
Peggy:
- Peggy: She never got off Broadway because she's not beautiful enough.
- Peggy: I told you I want you. In fact, I want you so much that I want to wait.
- Peggy: Nothing makes old ladies look good.
- Peggy: You know, Freddie, I have brought your name up 1,000 times in the last year to come in and freelance, for me. But everybody is right about you. You and your grand dames, and your portable typewriter, and your desperate spinsters... You're old-fashioned, you know that?
Lane:
- Lane: Uninvite him. Take him to the Four Seasons... he can have three entrees.
Mark
- Mark: Why, is Rasputin home?
- Mark: You taste like soap.
- Mark: Can't we just get undressed and lie together again?
Trudy:
- Trudy: Chestnuts roasting on a greasey man's open street cart- my goodness.
Dr. Atherton:
- Dr. Atherton: You're from Great Britain- I thought you'd be familiar with the perils of socialism.
Lee Garner, Jr.:
- Lee: It's hard to tell if he's Father Christmas or Father Time.
- Lee: It's a big bag, Roger. Don't want you to have a third heart attack. Right honey?
- Lee: Remind's me of when I was a kid. Remember that? You'd ask for something and you'd get it and it made you happy.
Faye Miller:
- Faye: In a nutshell, it all comes down to what I want versus what's expected of me.
- Faye: I'm sorry, I always forget that nobody wants to think they're a type.
Bobby:
- Bobby: Maybe it's a bear!
- Bobby: There's eggs in my bed!
- Allison: My goodness! (post-coitus)
Between the amount of sex in this episode, combined with Sasha Grey and Eric and Sloane attempting anal sex on Entourage, a lot of shenanigans were going on last night...
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