Pregame: As TelerX shows up with about 20 people, Target X comes correct with a squad of Brian, Mike M, Christin, Kevin, and Patrick. A 20 minute conversation over rules commences, during which Kevin barely speaks- apparently he is only a stickler for rules when playing against Target R. Target X was smart enough to recruit Ewa to come to the game, just in case TelerX came up with a devious scheme to kidnap Christin by trying to lure her into a van with the promise of candy and ice cream. Luckily, Christin saw that the van was a-rockin and made the smart move and did not go a-knockin (GLG does have a van, by the way... just saying...)
(Target X score on left, TelerX score on the right)
0-0, Target X serve: Patrick starts off the game with a solid serve as TRx wins the first two points to take a seemingly insurmountable 2-0 lead
2-0, Target X serve: On the third serve, TelerX finally gets their act together and gets a solid set to Michael, aka the black guy wearing a batman shirt who will henceforth be known as Black Batman. Black Batman leaps high in the air (I think he would have cleared Christin), and spikes it down. Target X is going to need someone back at the office to put out the Black Bat Signal to get this guy out of here, or else they could be in trouble.
2-0, TelerX serve: Target X receives the serve and quickly returns it. In what will become a trend, the guy with dark glasses who never rotates out, and always plays center in front of the net does what he does best- jump, catch the ball in mid-air, hold it for about 3 seconds, then throw it up to set his choice of teammate. One thing that guy can do... is catch and set (but he's no George Gervin). Surprisingly, Kevin says nothing about this. Luckily Target X wins the return, as Mike shows the soft touch to find an open spot.
2-0, TelerX serving: Brian comes through with two solid serves by picturing Kate's face as the ball, as he was still mad over Kate abandoning what should have been her number one priority- playing in a meaningless volleyball league for a company she doesn't, and has never worked for... Someone needs to set that girl straight (but hopefully not the same person making the van go a-rockin).
4-1, TelerX serving: Mean Joe arrives just in time to see a long series kept alive on a stellar dig by Brian. Kevin gets the serve back with a huge block that brought the crowd to it's feet- or maybe one of the plethora of TelerX teammates sitting on the sidelines just needed to get up and stretch their legs.
4-1, Target X serving: After his spirit-breaking block, Kevin immediately serves it directly into the net, breaking his own spirit. Mean Joe enters his happy place.
4-2, TelerX serving: After a hard fought battle, one of the TelerX players attempts to block a TRx spike. Despite the ball clearing ricocheting off of his fingers, he claimed he made no contact with the ball, and it was the ball hitting the net that made the noise. Needless to say, the ball went out of bounds, and his outlandish claim stood, as TelerX was awarded the point.
4-3 TelerX serving: With the previous play weighing heavily on their mind, a clearly flustered Target X quickly gave up a little run, as on the next point, Kevin led one drop deep in the corner. Upset at this recent turn of event, Patrick then went up for a spike on the next point, yet underestimating his own strength, spiked it long.
4-6, Target X serving: With Christin serving, Cee Lo Green from TelerX (nickname coined by Mean Joe) attempts the always dangerous back-set, nearly falling down due to its complexity. This gives Mike the opportunity to spike it on his head and glower at him for the audacity of his attempt.
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| Why was Cee-Lo playing volleyball for TelerX? |
5-6, Target X serving: Mike makes a diving dig to save a point, and Kevin comes up with another big block- ah, the advantages of being tall...
6-6, Target X serving: With balls flying all over the court (in addition to the volleyball game being played), Patrick steps up and gets two quick points on the serve, one of which coming on a whiff by Cee Lo Green on a spike attempt, as he couldn't time his jump well enough.
8-6, TelerX serving: Aaron (Kelly) Cortright arrives. He believes he can fly, and he's not afraid to sing about it...
8-7, TelerX serving: With Aaron still believing he can fly, the rest of Target X gets distracted by the melodic nature of his booming pipes, and loses a point.
8-8, TelerX serving: Kevin goes up for a spike, only to be blocked, as Mean Joe yells out "MAHLENDORF!!! You've got 6 inches on him!" Let's hope he was simply talking about his height. Meanwhile, Aaron no longer believes Kevin can fly.
9-11, Target X serving: Terry arrives in time to see the serve trade sides with no points scored a bunch of times. The excitement of it all almost causes Terry to leave. Instead, it puts him to sleep.
9-12, Target X serving: Black Batman goes for another booming spike, but mishits it, yet somehow it still works. TelerX is getting all the breaks today.
9-13, TelerX serving: Patrick sneaks a return past one of the females on their team. She compliments the play, saying "Nice angle." No additional comments on what type of angle- acute, obtuse, right? Patrick's no square, so it can't be right, but as Billy Joel would say, it may be crazy. It just may have been a lunatic Target X could have used... as long as he's not obtuse. And if he's acute, even better (at least for Christin).
9-13, Target X serving: On a long point, Christin has a solid dig, but almost nails Brian in the face. Kevin managed to get to the ball, but hit it into the net, causing Mean Joe to wonder about Kevin's heart. On this note, Aaron switched genre's, breaking out into Nelly's Heart of a Champion (Aaron and Nelly do bear more than a passing resemblence to one another- has anyone ever seen both of them in the same place?). However, this only served to piss off Kevin more, as his visions of a championship were falling faster than KB at the end of a 12 hour open bar.
14-9, TelerX serving: With one of their girls serving, TelerX lays down the hammer, winning the point and putting an end to the first set.
MIDGAME BREAK: With Target X in disarray after falling apart in the first set, Brian knew just what the team needed- him to smoke a quick cigarette. Meanwhile, Patrick threatens to invoke boss privledges and and lay into Kevin. All of the sudden, a chime sounds as Mike Bell arrives and rings himself. Fueled by his quck fix of nicotine, Brian next realizes the best chance at winning this game is to cause bodily harm to the other team. Instead of putting his cigarette out, he places his lit cigarette on the ground, hoping to light one of the pine trees on fire. Unfortunately, the earlier deluge made the ground too wet, and like everything else Target X had tried up to that point, this plan fails too. Onto the second set...
1-1, either team serving: In what Black Batman called "the longest series of ones since the last time Kevin was at Double Visions," each team trades serves about 15 times. Eventually, TelerX gets the point.
1-3, Target X serving: As Target X gets the serve back, Krysta arrives, seemingly ready to suit up for Target R in the following game. In reality, she came to scout the softball players from both TRx teams in advance of their upcoming softball playoff game, secretly hoping both teams would lose to diminish TRx morale (moreso than their numbers from last quarter), and secretly hoping one of the star players would get hurt. As Mike is mid-serve, Krysta yells out "HEY GUYS" causing Mike to overserve it out of bounds, as Krysta laughs on the inside.
2-4, TelerX serving: On a hard fought point, Christin comes through with another solid dig, and Kevin follows it up with a spike.
2-5, Target X serving: Brian sets it for Patrick who nails a spike to get the serve back. From the bench, Joe yells out "Patrick, I forgot about your vertical" to which Patrick responds "What vertical?" Laughter ensues. Who said volleyball wasn't fun for the whole family?
3-5, Target X serving: Kevin pays homage to Greg and backhands it over, while quietly saying "that's how you smack a bitch."
4-5, Target X serving: Brian makes a diving play to keep the ball alive. Unfortunately, out of bounds is where the ball was heading, and where Brian ended up. Perhaps he though volleyball is much like KB's writeups, in which NOTHING is out of bounds...
4-5, TelerX serving: Mike comes up with a solid block at the net after calling off Brian. On the bench, Joe says he will back away any time Krysta calls for the ball. Krysta demands documentation. All of the sudden, the Haitian guy from TelerX starts running away, thinking Krysta was talking to him.
5-5, TelerX serving: Kevin puts away another one as he grimaces in pain. On his next serve, he promptly goes long.
5-5, TelerX serving: Glasses guy from the other team goes up and makes an acrobatic play at the net. Unfortunately for TelerX, he forgot to actually hit the ball over the net. As Mean Joe comments on his body control ("The way he controls his body is controlling my mind"), everyone else agrees that he hit the net.
5-5, TelerX serving: The continuation of a long trading of serves at 5-5 features one of their girls getting hit in the head with the ball. And to think, no one on Target X even bought her dinner... On the next play, as Black Batman leaps for an attempted spike, Patrick yells out "HUH" to distract and intimidate him. Somehow, this works, as Black Batman goes crying to Black Robin.
5-5, Target X serving: TelerX calls timeout to cry to each other. I guess you can still get tired even with 20 people on your team. Meanwhile, a waaaabulance arrives, ready to take any one of them away, as well as a food delivery truck, with TelerX's postgame meal of waaaamburgers and french cries.
5-5 (still), TelerX serving: Brian just misses a block, but Patrick is there to help. After the play, Target X goes with a group huddle to give TelerX a taste of their own medicine. On the bench, Aaron mocks them, saying he wants no part of any huddling, after the last time he inadvertantly walked into the middle of a circle jerk.
5-6, TelerX serving: After finally getting a point, TelerX nearly makes it two in a row, as Black Batman sends a hard spike towards Christin. Christin, showing her cat-like reflexes honed as catcher on the softball team, and goalie for the Flyers, coolly returns the spike, and Black Batman, in awe of such fearlessness, proceeds to miss the next one.
5-6, TelerX serving: A wild play around the net occurs, as Patrick and Brian both end up on the ground, yet somehow the ball ends up high to Kevin, who spikes it down while screaming out "OWWWW!!!" He is like Kellen Winslow- a soldier.
5-7, TelerX serving: On a hard fought point, Brian gets up high to intimidate TelerX, who promptly blow it. However, the little TelerX bitch in the red hat starts screaming incredulously that Brian was on the other side of the net. Lots of yelling back and forth ensues, as this a-hole starts foaming at the mouth. Mean Joe tries to be the voice of reason, but then abandons that mission and tries to intimidate him by standing up, but to no avail. This may have just broken Target X's spirit.
5-9, TelerX serving: Seeing the writing on the wall, Kevin has stopped moving. He appears to be auditioning for the Walking Dead, minus the walking part.
5-11, TelerX serving: Black Batman gets 6 feet high (probably not the highest he has been), and spikes it on Patrick's chest. That's gonna leave a mark. As the ball bounces towards Target R on the sideline, one of the girls from TelerX comment to Ewa "I like your shoes." If only Ewa had then entered the game, bringing Target X all the way back we would finally have an answer to the age old question, "IS IT THE SHOES?"
5-12, Target X serving: After finally getting the ball back, Brian comes through with an ace. Patrick follows it up with a spike and Target X gets a little run going. Can they come "all the way back?"
9-12, Target X serving: Christin tries to get up to boldly block Black Batman's brazen bombardment but blunders. It was a valiant effort though...
9-12, TelerX serving: Kevin has an involuntary muscle spasm and almost comes through with a kick save, but at least he showed remarkable flexability. Looks like he is learning something from all those Double Visions trips after all...
9-14, TelerX serving: With the game pretty much out of reach, TelerX adds insult to (Kevin's) injury, as one of their girls spikes it on Mike to end the game.
Postgame: The dream is dead- a Target R-Target X final is not to be. Boo this man. Brian quickly places the blame on Mean Joe for picking the seeds. Kevin finally shares the extend of his injury- a papercut. Or a torn ligament, which doctor's told him should heal itself in about 4 weeks as long as he didn't participate in any physical activity. Yet Kevin played on, risking amputation of the very hand he primarily uses to "take his talents to south beach." However, amputation could get him some extra attention at DV, so he's got that going for him... which is nice...
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