A long time ago (5/24) on a field far, far away (Horsham), TRx took on Reed. Reports from the game are hazy due to the time that has passed since then, as well as the happy hour held beforehand. In celebration of the great start to the season, as well as joy that the rapture came and went with about as much fanfare as JR showing up to a game, the team gathered at the Iron Abbey. While GLG tried to convince Terry he was only going over to prevent the rest of the team from drinking too much, in fact he led the onslaught, as all of the fans who had gathered there broke out in a chant of “GREG THE KEG,” owing to the similar size and weight of his bulbous dome to a keg of beer.
Showing posts with label JR. Show all posts
Showing posts with label JR. Show all posts
Friday, June 3, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
TRx Softball Game 3- Weiser Makes Unwise Decision To Show Up
On Wednesday night, TRx took on their new buds, Weiser. And Weiser played about as well as the Budweiser talking frogs drunk off of the very product they were promoting would have, as TRx showed up for a softball game and a track meet broke out, giving all the running they did on the bases. TRx managed to eke out thrilling (for us) 19-2 victory. It was as if Weiser brought a knife to a gunfight/a pen to a test.
After much initial confusion on who would actually be at the game and even more potential lineup configurations than usual, TRx fielded a full team of 13 and welcomed the season debuts of Ed and Young Johnson. Dempsey also put some members of the team like GLG on notice that he was not happy with their hitting performance, dropping them in the lineup. That’s one way from letting Greg’s bulbous head get any bigger than it already is. Once again, KB got their early to scout, only to find a father-daughter combo practicing on the field. Surprisingly, it was not GLG putting his daughter into early softball training. Though despite only being able to crawl, sadly, she still could have helped Weiser.
As the home team, TRx was up first. After hits consecutive hits to start the game, Aaron smacked a line drive to the towards the hole. Immediately Old Demps knew he’d have to show off his track-star speed to beat a play at second, and took off, arriving at the base in the amount of time it takes Greg from finance to cook the books every quarter. However, all of the earlier lineup confusion was still messing with his mind, as he ran back to first base instead of attempting to advance. Luckily, this mistake didn't cost TRx too badly, as they still managed two runs out of the inning to take an early lead.
With Christin missing in action to start the game, much to her chagrin, Gabriela was forced into catching duty. While she wasn’t happy about it, we all can agree that it was much better than catching doodie (at least I hope we can). This forced Bob to play second where he immediately got some action. The first batter his a line drive past a diving KB, who was attempting to imitate the down and dirty ways of the near-invisible man from last week. Next came a pop up to the right side, causing a near collision between Bob and Terry. On the following play, Bob had to do his Stretch Armstrong impression to just get the ball in time for a force at second. Soon after, Christin showed up, as Gabriella rejoiced and all was right in the TRx softball world again.
TRx started off the second inning with a flourish. A former high school football fan in Florida, Ed was seen with large wads of cash before the game, consorting with the illicit type that like to watch strangers play softball. No one knew which team he had bet on, and all eyes were on him as he strode to the plate. The answer was readily apparent as he hit an “Oppo Boppo” opposite field home run, starting off his TRx softball career in style. TRx added four more runs to take a 7-0 lead.
In the next inning, Weiser finally got on the board. With Craig at EH (along with Aaron and Old Demps), Brian knew he had all the attention on him at third, and he made the most of it. On a routine pop-up to the left side, in his excitement, Brian chest-bumped the ball into his glove. Luckily, he had not gone to the gym in a few days, or else his bulging pecs would have caused the ball to richochet into the woods. Later, on a line drive he showed off his 3-inch vertical, and succeeding in performing the touch-pass to himself, as the ball bounced off his glove and into his bare hand (but not into Bear’s hand).
In the third and fourth inning, the TRx offense exploded. Hearing chants of “hit the ball to where you summer” Remington showed that 3 years without softball has allowed all of his previous injuries to heal, and hit the ball hard. Despite an injured leg, Brian continued to motor around the bases, limping home at one point. Josh hit a home run where he almost got to show off the reason for his nickname, with a near Ice Road Trucking of the opposing pitcher and catcher as he crossed the plate. In fact, he nearly got two fistfuls of man-boob, which either would have made him really happy, or really upset. GLG also had a homerun, almost running down Christin ahead of him. Perhaps he was attempting to avenge her taking away his grand slam opportunity by hitting a solid RBI line drive to left field right before Greg was up.
As the rest of the TRx bats started to pour it on, KB took a different approach, and decided to play small ball. He showed off his magical abilities during one at bat, taking a massive swing that resulted in a slow dribbler down the first base line. Despite him attempting to will the ball foul, once he realized the first baseman was going to catch it, he saw the perfect opportunity to practice his ballet moves, attempting to pirouette around the tag. Alas, it did not work, but he did advance the runner. Later, he again hit it to the right side to move runners up, marking the first time ever he has managed go the other way (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
Despite nursing a 15 run lead, the fourth inning was not without drama, as Gabriela almost had to roll some heads. While running to second on a ground ball, she seemingly avoided the tag of the opposing team, whose second baseman was clearly standing in the base path, with the umpire calling her safe. Immediately, the other team started to cry. Presumable due to the perceived missed call, but it’s equally likely it was due to the pounding they were taking. With the other team mouthing off, Gabriela was ready to take the out, go back to the TRx bench, grab a baseball bat, and pretend the opposing pitcher was a catcher and throw the bat at him, but managed to restrain herself from going Hobo With A Shotgun style.
Weiser went down in order to end the game, as TRx finished off the four inning 19-2 drubbing, with everyone reaching base, and Ed winning all of his bets. TRx succeeded with both beauty and age, as the bottom of the lineup (Ed, Craig, GLG) and Old Demps had a combined age higher than the total IQ of the rest of the beautiful people. Demps gave one of his usual rousing speeches after the game, proclaiming “If it was easy it would be called soccer, and we just played a soccer game.”
After much initial confusion on who would actually be at the game and even more potential lineup configurations than usual, TRx fielded a full team of 13 and welcomed the season debuts of Ed and Young Johnson. Dempsey also put some members of the team like GLG on notice that he was not happy with their hitting performance, dropping them in the lineup. That’s one way from letting Greg’s bulbous head get any bigger than it already is. Once again, KB got their early to scout, only to find a father-daughter combo practicing on the field. Surprisingly, it was not GLG putting his daughter into early softball training. Though despite only being able to crawl, sadly, she still could have helped Weiser.
As the home team, TRx was up first. After hits consecutive hits to start the game, Aaron smacked a line drive to the towards the hole. Immediately Old Demps knew he’d have to show off his track-star speed to beat a play at second, and took off, arriving at the base in the amount of time it takes Greg from finance to cook the books every quarter. However, all of the earlier lineup confusion was still messing with his mind, as he ran back to first base instead of attempting to advance. Luckily, this mistake didn't cost TRx too badly, as they still managed two runs out of the inning to take an early lead.
With Christin missing in action to start the game, much to her chagrin, Gabriela was forced into catching duty. While she wasn’t happy about it, we all can agree that it was much better than catching doodie (at least I hope we can). This forced Bob to play second where he immediately got some action. The first batter his a line drive past a diving KB, who was attempting to imitate the down and dirty ways of the near-invisible man from last week. Next came a pop up to the right side, causing a near collision between Bob and Terry. On the following play, Bob had to do his Stretch Armstrong impression to just get the ball in time for a force at second. Soon after, Christin showed up, as Gabriella rejoiced and all was right in the TRx softball world again.
TRx started off the second inning with a flourish. A former high school football fan in Florida, Ed was seen with large wads of cash before the game, consorting with the illicit type that like to watch strangers play softball. No one knew which team he had bet on, and all eyes were on him as he strode to the plate. The answer was readily apparent as he hit an “Oppo Boppo” opposite field home run, starting off his TRx softball career in style. TRx added four more runs to take a 7-0 lead.
In the next inning, Weiser finally got on the board. With Craig at EH (along with Aaron and Old Demps), Brian knew he had all the attention on him at third, and he made the most of it. On a routine pop-up to the left side, in his excitement, Brian chest-bumped the ball into his glove. Luckily, he had not gone to the gym in a few days, or else his bulging pecs would have caused the ball to richochet into the woods. Later, on a line drive he showed off his 3-inch vertical, and succeeding in performing the touch-pass to himself, as the ball bounced off his glove and into his bare hand (but not into Bear’s hand).
In the third and fourth inning, the TRx offense exploded. Hearing chants of “hit the ball to where you summer” Remington showed that 3 years without softball has allowed all of his previous injuries to heal, and hit the ball hard. Despite an injured leg, Brian continued to motor around the bases, limping home at one point. Josh hit a home run where he almost got to show off the reason for his nickname, with a near Ice Road Trucking of the opposing pitcher and catcher as he crossed the plate. In fact, he nearly got two fistfuls of man-boob, which either would have made him really happy, or really upset. GLG also had a homerun, almost running down Christin ahead of him. Perhaps he was attempting to avenge her taking away his grand slam opportunity by hitting a solid RBI line drive to left field right before Greg was up.
As the rest of the TRx bats started to pour it on, KB took a different approach, and decided to play small ball. He showed off his magical abilities during one at bat, taking a massive swing that resulted in a slow dribbler down the first base line. Despite him attempting to will the ball foul, once he realized the first baseman was going to catch it, he saw the perfect opportunity to practice his ballet moves, attempting to pirouette around the tag. Alas, it did not work, but he did advance the runner. Later, he again hit it to the right side to move runners up, marking the first time ever he has managed go the other way (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
 |
| Dancing, without stars |
Despite nursing a 15 run lead, the fourth inning was not without drama, as Gabriela almost had to roll some heads. While running to second on a ground ball, she seemingly avoided the tag of the opposing team, whose second baseman was clearly standing in the base path, with the umpire calling her safe. Immediately, the other team started to cry. Presumable due to the perceived missed call, but it’s equally likely it was due to the pounding they were taking. With the other team mouthing off, Gabriela was ready to take the out, go back to the TRx bench, grab a baseball bat, and pretend the opposing pitcher was a catcher and throw the bat at him, but managed to restrain herself from going Hobo With A Shotgun style.
Weiser went down in order to end the game, as TRx finished off the four inning 19-2 drubbing, with everyone reaching base, and Ed winning all of his bets. TRx succeeded with both beauty and age, as the bottom of the lineup (Ed, Craig, GLG) and Old Demps had a combined age higher than the total IQ of the rest of the beautiful people. Demps gave one of his usual rousing speeches after the game, proclaiming “If it was easy it would be called soccer, and we just played a soccer game.”
Next game is Friday versus office nemesis Verilogue, with a rumored happy hour following the game.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
2011 TRx Softball Season Preview
Ahhh, the joys of springtime- the warming of the weather, the blooming of flowers, and most importantly, the start of a new softball season for TRx. All joyous occasions, but only the last brings with it an excuse for KB to distract himself with write-ups that almost no one will read, and references/inside jokes that even fewer people will get. And there is no time better for a season preview than after the first game has already been played.
Last year's season ended in disappointment, as TRx failed to make the playoffs. To add insult to injury, the final few weeks played out with TRx almost getting no-hit one game, TRx losing their finale on a game-ending triple-play where TRx was unable to accomplish what David so enthusiastically cheers for ("Let's take it in the bottom!"), and KB becoming embroiled in what has to be one of the first ever slow-pitch softball umpire feuds (see beginnings of it in comments here).
It was an off-season of change in many ways for TRx, with the loss of Krysta to softball team arch-rival Kellogg, Kristin getting engaged, GLG having a baby (well, not him, but his wife), and Steve getting a hole in one. Along with the remnants from last year, this year's team picks up some new faces (although some of them have technically been on the roster for multiple seasons, but rarely, if ever, actually showing up at any games), as well as another ex-employee/client making his triumphant return to TRx sports.
Onto the new players:
Craig "The Animal" Scott (no relation to Michael Scott, although rumor has it that Craig auditioned for the role of Michael Scarn, and was a financial backer of Threat Level Midnight)- Early reports state he has a good bat. As further motivation, he has promised everyone on the team an extra month of vacation if we win the title. The icing on the cake- instead of going to the Iron Abbey for pre/post game celebrations, all future shenanigans will take place at the VFW (home of the world famous hand-pressed roast beef).
Gabriela- This skilled project coordinator was brought in for intimidation. Much like a popular technique when going to prison is to pick a fight with the biggest, baddest guy on the cell block, Gabriela put the whole league on notice in her first game- firing the bat back at both the catcher and umpire. Let's see the umps try to continue the feud now...
Kevin- After making his debut late last season, Kevin joins the team on a more full-time basis this year. This tall glass of water enjoys dancing, long walks on the beach, and writing poetry. Only one of those statements is true, and let's say it's not usually him doing the dancing. After years of hearing of the joys and getting a small taste of the TRx softball team last year, this year Kevin hopes his keen (Double) Visions will allow him to get many a walk. While in Vegas for the Super Bowl, Kevin even placed a futures bet on TRx to win the whole league. Given the extremely long odds, if that happens don't expect to see Kevin ever again...
Kirk- According to GLG, Kirk becomes the first IT guy to ever play on a TRx sports team. Rumor has it he is now being shunned by the rest of the IT department for his betrayal. The good news is, if necessary, Kirk can hack into the league website and change all the scores to propel us into the playoffs. Unfortunately, he can also hack into this website, changing anything I write. KIRK IS THE GREATEST- Kirk.
"Mean" Joe Ford- This year Mean Joe looks to branch out and bring his usual brand of intensity and dedication from the volleyball courts to the softball diamond. Or at least that is his claim. In reality, his only reason for joining the team is to further recruit for V-ball, as his goal is to have at least 3 teams this year, despite the struggles to get enough players to show up for even one team. Hopefully, we'll get to hear at least one "COME ON, JOEY," and get to watch Mean Joe jump around as if he were a baby kangaroo (aka a joey).
Bob "That Mento Kid"- For some people, TRx sports are like heroin, and Bob's now got the monkey on his back, after getting his first taste from the inaugural flag football team. As Dempsey says, "That Mento kid, he's a player." For the teams sake, let's hope that unlike Big Pun, he IS a player, AND he crushes a lot.
James "English Channel"- This is one channel you won't want to change. James made his TRx sports debut in week 1, manning the muddy marsh of first base with such skill and dexterity that a position controversy has developed between James and KB. However, given his last name, his enthrallment with the recent Royal Wedding may not dissipate for the rest of the season. Will KB be able to take advantage of his opportunity and wrestle back the first base position?
Ed "Smith & Wesson"- Ed has technically been on the roster for years, but has yet to show up at a game. Rumor has it he and Tom P. worked this no-show softball job status into their contracts years ago, and no one has been willing to challenge them on it. Ed is the muscle in their organized crime family, quick to the draw and always shooting to kill with one of the various pistols he packs on his person at all times.
Tom P.- First there was Madoff, now there is Principe... In addition to his no-show status, Tom developed an elaborate scheme to game the system. For the past 10 years, even when there has been no team (and even more dastardly, before he was even working at TRx), he has managed to drain the TRx well under the auspices of needing cash for new uniforms. Somehow, this all got past Greg from Finance, who never suspected something was amiss, despite seeing invoices for Blindfolded Cricket uniforms, or even Coed- Naked Mud-wrestling uniforms...
John- Not really a new player, but a returning player after a multi-year hiatus, the man with 1,000 nicknames ends his hibernation and makes his triumphant return to the scene of so many injury-plagued softball seasons. Look forward to seeing a plethora of braces, headbands, and other paraphernalia adorning JR, making his joints even stiffer and causing him to run slower than he already does. With his dual role as both TRx client and softball teammate, JR will have even more of an excuse to say "Not my fault" when things go awry. But if he makes it through the season with all of his limbs still at least partially attached to his body, he will be a happy Johnson.
Returning Players:
Terry- As last year's starting pitcher, Terry was somehow able to maintain his poise on the mound, despite David constantly saying "wait for your fielders... hold on Terry... wait for your fielders" or talking about getting out of an inning and taking it in the bottom. A force both on the mound and at the plate, Terry always has a positive attitude, and with the defense behind him, that is a good thing. Hearing about his upcoming pitching controversy, Terry turned to Malcolm Gladwell, and followed in the footsteps of this guy, claiming to have put in over 10,000 hours of practice over the off-season to become even more of a pitching expert. Can he lead the team to the promised land?
Mike- With Terry missing the first game, Mike boldly took to the hill and pitched a fine first game of the season, beginning what may be a season-long pitching controversy. While Terry turned to Gladwell, Mike attempted to give the team a leg up by teaming with the University of Pennsylvania towards the development of a pitching robot. While the early results weren't that promising, hopefully this robot will be perfected by the end of the season. It will be even better if it doesn't count as an actual player on the field, as our defense can use all the extra players we can get.
Brian- Brian the remains the Brains behind the TRx operation. Slowly working his way through each department within the company, this year he hopes to play every position on the softball team as well. Soon, he will combine this vast array of information to take over the world, or at the very least, the softball league. He will then create a new and improved SMQ score (Softball Metric of Quality), showing TRx as the best team in the league, and awarding us the mythical national championship of softball.
Old Demps- The crafty lefty returns this year as on-the-field manager. In addition, he will continue to take kickbacks from the Iron Abbey and urge the team to go there both before and after games, (or even during games on the rare occasions when we have more than enough players). A former track star, even his advancing old age hasn't been able to slow him down. Old Demps keeps himself physically fit and mentally strong during games by smoking cigarettes while in the outfield, and sometimes while at the plate as well (substituting Twizzlers when necessary). So when people say Old Demps is just blowing smoke, they are usually speaking both literally, and figuratively.
Aaron- During the off-season, Aaron went on a world-wide vision quest in an attempt to one-up his brother Moses' parting of the Red Sea. This year he was successful in his attempt to make the Bering Straight crooked, but didn't foresee the dramatic consequences his mystical water-based miracles would have on Japan and the rest of the world. This season, Aaron plans to use these powers for good, to the tune of controlling the weather during games. Whether/weather it be making in rain (not in the Pacman Jones sense, which will be disappointing to Kevin) to help protect a lead, or causing swirling winds to guide the ball into the gloves of the TRx outfield, Aaron will be in control.
Steve- While Steve continues to sing his own praises over his lengthy division III baseball career, you do not want to get on his bad side. Following in Manny's footsteps, Steve underwent anger management courses during the off-season after getting thrown out of a game last year due to the exchange of pleasantries with one of the umpires. Steve has come back a new man, as he awaits the day when his son, famous for starting "LET'S GO, DADDY" chants (presumably for Steve, but maybe he just really likes the Danica Patrick GoDaddy.com commercials), will be old enough to join the team.
Kristin- Recently engaged, Kristin is dedicating this season to her future husband. In fact, she has vowed to wear her engagement ring during games, and use it to distract the opposing team- either by reflecting the sun into their eyes while the ball is in play, or by just punching them in the face. If all else fails, Kristen is also owner of one of TRx's mascots, Chloe, and also has plans to unleash the hounds while TRx is up to bat, hoping the beast will run out onto the field, grab the ball, and just keep going.
Christin- Christin continued to have a full schedule in the off-season, pursuing her musical career (providing motivation for Night Ranger and their hit song Sister Christin and collaborating with Kristen as the white female version of Chris Kross) and continuing to hone her excellent footwork due to all the kick saves she made as catcher last year (touring with the U.S. soccer team after the World Cup and guiding the Flyers to the second round of the playoffs). She also continues to recruit more people with slightly different spelling variations of Christin/Kristen/Krysten to join the team. In addition to Kristen, Christin also has a dog or two in the fight for TRx team mascot, namely, her dogs Sophie and Oliver. Shockingly, in the recently released results from Forbes America's favorite mascot contest, these two beasts, as well as Chloe and Parker were shut out of the competition. This, as well as TRx missing the playoffs, are two grievous injustices that must be remedied this year.
Shannon "The Cannon"- Shannon hopes to Sheppard the team through any tough times this season. Nicknamed for both her strong arm in the field, and her collection of war memorabilia, Shannon shows a level of determination so intense it is only rivaled by GLG's desire to have his bulbous head stop growing. An ardent student of Sun Tzu's Art of War, Shannon typically has multiple weapons on her as she runs the bases, including a shiv stolen from Krysta last year, and she is not afraid to use them. Shannon also continues a tradition started by Ana years ago, of spewing profanity while up at the plate. But it's always good to use your words...
TO- After hearing about the umpire feud of last year, TO followed in the footsteps of Loomis, and began MMA training in the off-season. Hopefully, he will attend on of the games wearing his gi (not that there's anything wrong with that), to strike fear into the hearts of our opponents. With his new-found connections to the underbelly of modern MMA training, TO has developed a nice little side job, which unfortunately led to the downfall of TRx in their first game of the season (as well as the downfall of Golden's shirt). Hopefully, TO isn't also using said substances, as it could result in an unfortunate battle between him and Bear...
Josh- This man has a penchant for showing blatant disregard for cutoff men, and third base coaches. While his method of making himself look good in the outfield by purposely running in before running back out may not always be effective, it certainly looks good, and strikes fears in the hearts of both his teammates and opponents alike. One of the fastest guys on the team, he isn't afraid of "trucking" someone if they get in his way. Opposing fielders beware, not even Ice Roads can stop the Ice Road Trucker. A musical mastermind, Josh also has been known to brings the classic funky beats, even if they are only in his own head while he mans the outfield...
GLG- GLG, already a feather, became a father during the off-season. So look forward to him answering every time Steve's kids yell out "Come on, Daddy." He also loves it when you call him Big Poppa. GLG looks to set the career world record for his patented over the shoulder catches this season, which are made even better when he throws off his hat as well. In addition to his softball duties, GLG has vowed to protect his family from all enemies, including zombies. With the softball team a surrogate family for him, we are all invited there for the apocalypse as well. Oh yeah... he's also got a bulbous head (that sometimes bobbles), and three heads are better than one...
KB- Responsible for write-ups, some of which lead to umpire feuds, KB spent the off-season in disguise as he feared reprisal. While disguised as Ron Jeremy, he helped Batman fight crime, and also otherwise served the community. While his costume led to a multitude of creeped-out stares and a large majority of the community wanted nothing to do with his services, but there was a small portion that appreciated his effort. They always had weird music on when he arrived at their doors as well...
With TRx already in a 0-1 hole, can they rebound to make the playoffs this year? Will Remington make it through the season uninjured? Will Christin run through first base when she hits the ball? Will Steve survive the season without getting thrown out of any games? Game on...
Last year's season ended in disappointment, as TRx failed to make the playoffs. To add insult to injury, the final few weeks played out with TRx almost getting no-hit one game, TRx losing their finale on a game-ending triple-play where TRx was unable to accomplish what David so enthusiastically cheers for ("Let's take it in the bottom!"), and KB becoming embroiled in what has to be one of the first ever slow-pitch softball umpire feuds (see beginnings of it in comments here).
It was an off-season of change in many ways for TRx, with the loss of Krysta to softball team arch-rival Kellogg, Kristin getting engaged, GLG having a baby (well, not him, but his wife), and Steve getting a hole in one. Along with the remnants from last year, this year's team picks up some new faces (although some of them have technically been on the roster for multiple seasons, but rarely, if ever, actually showing up at any games), as well as another ex-employee/client making his triumphant return to TRx sports.
Onto the new players:
Craig "The Animal" Scott (no relation to Michael Scott, although rumor has it that Craig auditioned for the role of Michael Scarn, and was a financial backer of Threat Level Midnight)- Early reports state he has a good bat. As further motivation, he has promised everyone on the team an extra month of vacation if we win the title. The icing on the cake- instead of going to the Iron Abbey for pre/post game celebrations, all future shenanigans will take place at the VFW (home of the world famous hand-pressed roast beef).
Gabriela- This skilled project coordinator was brought in for intimidation. Much like a popular technique when going to prison is to pick a fight with the biggest, baddest guy on the cell block, Gabriela put the whole league on notice in her first game- firing the bat back at both the catcher and umpire. Let's see the umps try to continue the feud now...
Kevin- After making his debut late last season, Kevin joins the team on a more full-time basis this year. This tall glass of water enjoys dancing, long walks on the beach, and writing poetry. Only one of those statements is true, and let's say it's not usually him doing the dancing. After years of hearing of the joys and getting a small taste of the TRx softball team last year, this year Kevin hopes his keen (Double) Visions will allow him to get many a walk. While in Vegas for the Super Bowl, Kevin even placed a futures bet on TRx to win the whole league. Given the extremely long odds, if that happens don't expect to see Kevin ever again...
Kirk- According to GLG, Kirk becomes the first IT guy to ever play on a TRx sports team. Rumor has it he is now being shunned by the rest of the IT department for his betrayal. The good news is, if necessary, Kirk can hack into the league website and change all the scores to propel us into the playoffs. Unfortunately, he can also hack into this website, changing anything I write. KIRK IS THE GREATEST- Kirk.
"Mean" Joe Ford- This year Mean Joe looks to branch out and bring his usual brand of intensity and dedication from the volleyball courts to the softball diamond. Or at least that is his claim. In reality, his only reason for joining the team is to further recruit for V-ball, as his goal is to have at least 3 teams this year, despite the struggles to get enough players to show up for even one team. Hopefully, we'll get to hear at least one "COME ON, JOEY," and get to watch Mean Joe jump around as if he were a baby kangaroo (aka a joey).
 |
| COME ON, JOEY |
Bob "That Mento Kid"- For some people, TRx sports are like heroin, and Bob's now got the monkey on his back, after getting his first taste from the inaugural flag football team. As Dempsey says, "That Mento kid, he's a player." For the teams sake, let's hope that unlike Big Pun, he IS a player, AND he crushes a lot.
James "English Channel"- This is one channel you won't want to change. James made his TRx sports debut in week 1, manning the muddy marsh of first base with such skill and dexterity that a position controversy has developed between James and KB. However, given his last name, his enthrallment with the recent Royal Wedding may not dissipate for the rest of the season. Will KB be able to take advantage of his opportunity and wrestle back the first base position?
Ed "Smith & Wesson"- Ed has technically been on the roster for years, but has yet to show up at a game. Rumor has it he and Tom P. worked this no-show softball job status into their contracts years ago, and no one has been willing to challenge them on it. Ed is the muscle in their organized crime family, quick to the draw and always shooting to kill with one of the various pistols he packs on his person at all times.
Tom P.- First there was Madoff, now there is Principe... In addition to his no-show status, Tom developed an elaborate scheme to game the system. For the past 10 years, even when there has been no team (and even more dastardly, before he was even working at TRx), he has managed to drain the TRx well under the auspices of needing cash for new uniforms. Somehow, this all got past Greg from Finance, who never suspected something was amiss, despite seeing invoices for Blindfolded Cricket uniforms, or even Coed- Naked Mud-wrestling uniforms...
John- Not really a new player, but a returning player after a multi-year hiatus, the man with 1,000 nicknames ends his hibernation and makes his triumphant return to the scene of so many injury-plagued softball seasons. Look forward to seeing a plethora of braces, headbands, and other paraphernalia adorning JR, making his joints even stiffer and causing him to run slower than he already does. With his dual role as both TRx client and softball teammate, JR will have even more of an excuse to say "Not my fault" when things go awry. But if he makes it through the season with all of his limbs still at least partially attached to his body, he will be a happy Johnson.
 |
| How many more braces can he wear? |
Returning Players:
Terry- As last year's starting pitcher, Terry was somehow able to maintain his poise on the mound, despite David constantly saying "wait for your fielders... hold on Terry... wait for your fielders" or talking about getting out of an inning and taking it in the bottom. A force both on the mound and at the plate, Terry always has a positive attitude, and with the defense behind him, that is a good thing. Hearing about his upcoming pitching controversy, Terry turned to Malcolm Gladwell, and followed in the footsteps of this guy, claiming to have put in over 10,000 hours of practice over the off-season to become even more of a pitching expert. Can he lead the team to the promised land?
Mike- With Terry missing the first game, Mike boldly took to the hill and pitched a fine first game of the season, beginning what may be a season-long pitching controversy. While Terry turned to Gladwell, Mike attempted to give the team a leg up by teaming with the University of Pennsylvania towards the development of a pitching robot. While the early results weren't that promising, hopefully this robot will be perfected by the end of the season. It will be even better if it doesn't count as an actual player on the field, as our defense can use all the extra players we can get.
Brian- Brian the remains the Brains behind the TRx operation. Slowly working his way through each department within the company, this year he hopes to play every position on the softball team as well. Soon, he will combine this vast array of information to take over the world, or at the very least, the softball league. He will then create a new and improved SMQ score (Softball Metric of Quality), showing TRx as the best team in the league, and awarding us the mythical national championship of softball.
Old Demps- The crafty lefty returns this year as on-the-field manager. In addition, he will continue to take kickbacks from the Iron Abbey and urge the team to go there both before and after games, (or even during games on the rare occasions when we have more than enough players). A former track star, even his advancing old age hasn't been able to slow him down. Old Demps keeps himself physically fit and mentally strong during games by smoking cigarettes while in the outfield, and sometimes while at the plate as well (substituting Twizzlers when necessary). So when people say Old Demps is just blowing smoke, they are usually speaking both literally, and figuratively.
Aaron- During the off-season, Aaron went on a world-wide vision quest in an attempt to one-up his brother Moses' parting of the Red Sea. This year he was successful in his attempt to make the Bering Straight crooked, but didn't foresee the dramatic consequences his mystical water-based miracles would have on Japan and the rest of the world. This season, Aaron plans to use these powers for good, to the tune of controlling the weather during games. Whether/weather it be making in rain (not in the Pacman Jones sense, which will be disappointing to Kevin) to help protect a lead, or causing swirling winds to guide the ball into the gloves of the TRx outfield, Aaron will be in control.
Steve- While Steve continues to sing his own praises over his lengthy division III baseball career, you do not want to get on his bad side. Following in Manny's footsteps, Steve underwent anger management courses during the off-season after getting thrown out of a game last year due to the exchange of pleasantries with one of the umpires. Steve has come back a new man, as he awaits the day when his son, famous for starting "LET'S GO, DADDY" chants (presumably for Steve, but maybe he just really likes the Danica Patrick GoDaddy.com commercials), will be old enough to join the team.
Kristin- Recently engaged, Kristin is dedicating this season to her future husband. In fact, she has vowed to wear her engagement ring during games, and use it to distract the opposing team- either by reflecting the sun into their eyes while the ball is in play, or by just punching them in the face. If all else fails, Kristen is also owner of one of TRx's mascots, Chloe, and also has plans to unleash the hounds while TRx is up to bat, hoping the beast will run out onto the field, grab the ball, and just keep going.
Christin- Christin continued to have a full schedule in the off-season, pursuing her musical career (providing motivation for Night Ranger and their hit song Sister Christin and collaborating with Kristen as the white female version of Chris Kross) and continuing to hone her excellent footwork due to all the kick saves she made as catcher last year (touring with the U.S. soccer team after the World Cup and guiding the Flyers to the second round of the playoffs). She also continues to recruit more people with slightly different spelling variations of Christin/Kristen/Krysten to join the team. In addition to Kristen, Christin also has a dog or two in the fight for TRx team mascot, namely, her dogs Sophie and Oliver. Shockingly, in the recently released results from Forbes America's favorite mascot contest, these two beasts, as well as Chloe and Parker were shut out of the competition. This, as well as TRx missing the playoffs, are two grievous injustices that must be remedied this year.
Shannon "The Cannon"- Shannon hopes to Sheppard the team through any tough times this season. Nicknamed for both her strong arm in the field, and her collection of war memorabilia, Shannon shows a level of determination so intense it is only rivaled by GLG's desire to have his bulbous head stop growing. An ardent student of Sun Tzu's Art of War, Shannon typically has multiple weapons on her as she runs the bases, including a shiv stolen from Krysta last year, and she is not afraid to use them. Shannon also continues a tradition started by Ana years ago, of spewing profanity while up at the plate. But it's always good to use your words...
TO- After hearing about the umpire feud of last year, TO followed in the footsteps of Loomis, and began MMA training in the off-season. Hopefully, he will attend on of the games wearing his gi (not that there's anything wrong with that), to strike fear into the hearts of our opponents. With his new-found connections to the underbelly of modern MMA training, TO has developed a nice little side job, which unfortunately led to the downfall of TRx in their first game of the season (as well as the downfall of Golden's shirt). Hopefully, TO isn't also using said substances, as it could result in an unfortunate battle between him and Bear...
 |
| Why is TO fighting Bear? |
GLG- GLG, already a feather, became a father during the off-season. So look forward to him answering every time Steve's kids yell out "Come on, Daddy." He also loves it when you call him Big Poppa. GLG looks to set the career world record for his patented over the shoulder catches this season, which are made even better when he throws off his hat as well. In addition to his softball duties, GLG has vowed to protect his family from all enemies, including zombies. With the softball team a surrogate family for him, we are all invited there for the apocalypse as well. Oh yeah... he's also got a bulbous head (that sometimes bobbles), and three heads are better than one...
KB- Responsible for write-ups, some of which lead to umpire feuds, KB spent the off-season in disguise as he feared reprisal. While disguised as Ron Jeremy, he helped Batman fight crime, and also otherwise served the community. While his costume led to a multitude of creeped-out stares and a large majority of the community wanted nothing to do with his services, but there was a small portion that appreciated his effort. They always had weird music on when he arrived at their doors as well...
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| With Batman and Ron Jeremy, TRx can't be stopped! |
With TRx already in a 0-1 hole, can they rebound to make the playoffs this year? Will Remington make it through the season uninjured? Will Christin run through first base when she hits the ball? Will Steve survive the season without getting thrown out of any games? Game on...
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
College Bowls
Young Johnson's lock of the year-
Baylor -1 over Illinois
Bet it early, bet it often, and if they lose, blame Young Johnson...
Baylor -1 over Illinois
Bet it early, bet it often, and if they lose, blame Young Johnson...
Thursday, August 2, 2007
2007 Softball Game - This Has Blin-ternational Blin-cident Written All Over It
In a game they had to win to advance to the playoffs, TargetRx took on the Advanta Blue Sox in life-or-death action on Monday. Faced with missing the playoffs following last weeks shellacking, things didn’t look good for TRx going into the game, following their 16-5 loss the previous week. They were clearly on the ropes going into the game, as “real” captain GLG decided to play in the outfield instead of playing shortstop, as Golden took over this vital position. TRx was missing Ol Demps, who was so angry about having to split time with Blin at EH last week, he decided to skip both the game and happy hour, something the Old Ol Demps never would have done (specifically the happy hour part).
Monday, June 18, 2007
2007 Softball Game
On Tuesday night, TargetRx took on XXXX in a battle for their playoff lives. After squandering their chance in the heart-breaking 18-17 loss, TRx came out with passion and fire not seen since Elf first learned what the age of consent was in PA (needless to say, he is in favor of lowering it, not that that would help him at all…). Playing back at home, where their record is 3-1, TRx had high hopes (and Ana and Sam weren’t even there), with KB on the mound, and in the minds and hearts of those throughout the world.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
2007 Softball Game 1 - Why Couldn't Berardi Say Next Time It Counts?
And just like that… the dream was dead, as yesterday in Opening Day action, the TargetRx softball time lost its first game of the season, 18-10, falling to GMAC Bleacher Bums. However, said dream was likely not held by anyone at TargetRx, as with Berardi as coach, we knew he would cost us at least 3 games just with his horrid fielding ability, stupefying running mistakes on the base paths, and disgusting display at the plate.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
2006 Volleyball Playoff Game (8/29/2006)
On Monday night, Team TRx had, in the words of Golden, a "Nice (playoff) win... Its a wonder what a team that's not coached by Berardi can do." In response, Berardi congratulated the team on their victory, and made some sort of stupid pathetic attempt at a joke involved bricks and a house. What did it all mean? Nobody knows, and we were unable to bring in an elf translator to find out in time for this write-up.
Monday, August 14, 2006
2006 Volleyball Game (8/14/2006)
Last night TRx took on Larry David and the rest of Konica Minolta for their last game before the playoffs. TRx was nervous from the start, as Golden mentioned that "this team is supposed to be good." Pregame jitters as well as a feisty little spider crawling around on her had Ana out of her element, while many other players were distracted by thoughts and discussions of an apparatus known only by the name "The Rabbit." Silly rabbit, trix are for kids...
Monday, August 7, 2006
2006 Volleyball Game (8/7/2006)
Taking on The Mod Squad in late afternoon volleyball action last night, TRx looked to continue to the march towards the playoffs. With the playoffs almost upon us, TRx decided to employ some new tactics this time around, included using their sex appeal as a weapon, as a near record four females showed up to participate (Kim, Sarah, Shannon, Monika). These fine specimens, combined with Blin's size small shirt, and the guns of sleeveless Golden, JR, and KB proved to be too much for the opposing semi-retarded four person "Odd" Squad to handle.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Softball Game (7/26/2006)
Last night, in thrilling softball action, TR took on one of the many GMAC teams, with the potential for TRx's first ever playoff berth on the line. With the game starting late, TRx took advantage of the added time to consume copious amounts of alcohol instead of practicing, which paid dividends in the long run. Knowing of TRx's affinity for alcohol, and despite their 2-9 record, GMAC didn't want to be known as the team that let TRx into the playoffs, and brought in many ringers. Initially, this seemed like a poor predicament for TRx, as they were playing without both manny and orr, due to a honeymoon... I'll leave it to you to determine if they were on a honeymoon with each other. Yet despite missing these two studs, TRx was confident, as they welcomed blin back from his tripod injury, Kelly back from an alien abduction, and the new addition of Shannon to the team.
Monday, July 24, 2006
2006 Volleyball Game (7/24/2006)
TRx took on team Chrysler last night in exciting and stimulating volleyball action. TRx was without former captain GLG, who was beginning his lifetime suspension from the league for his lack of sportsmanship and general jerkish demeanor. Without GLG, it was as if a great weight was removed from team TRx. Actually, it was just the weight of Greg's bulbous head. But without him keeping the team down, TRx welcomed Sarah L to the team, and the results were nothing short of spectacular. Overcome with joy due to Greg's absence, TRx jumped out to a quick 4-0 lead in the first set, as they were fueled by the thirst quenching frozen gatorades and water brought by super-fan/team mom Dana, who showed her true allegiance and passion for the real v-ballers.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Softball Game (7/18) - Shucks, That Sure Was a G-Golly Good Time (G as in rated G and appropriate for all audiences)
Yesterday, the pretty neat-o TRx softball team took on the totally awesome GMAC Bleacher 'Bums' in a matchup that all of the wonderful people of the world thought would be a very exciting contest, between two well-deserving teams. Holy Toledo, it sure was hot out there- almost as hot as the fire of love burning within the hearts of TRx for all people of the Earth. TRx had Joyous JR pitching, and he is always just an all-around swell guy. You could tell that he had oodles of respect for the other team, as he attempted to throw them all picture-perfect pitches, so that they would be able to experience the true joys of getting a hit in softball. However, his natural abilities proved too much for the Bleacher Bums, as they could not muster much against JR. Yet even as TRx recorded out after out, the fans could almost see a pained look on the face of JR, as he was sad that the other team might start to feel bad. Remington is always a very thoughtful and caring individual, looking out for everyone's feelings like that.
Monday, July 17, 2006
2006 Volleyball Game (7/17/2006)
Last night TRx took on the Deltoids in a key Liberty Volleyball battle. With the Deltoids fielding only 4 players (2 males, and 2 females), TRx had "high" hopes, as Greg is used to taking on at lest 3 guys at once during most of his late night endeavors, while Ana was just high on her love for TargetRx and Greg's natural physique.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Softball Game (6/29/2006)
Fresh off a three game winning streak, and fueled by a pre-game happy hour, TRx took on the formidable Liberty team last night. With alcohol coursing through their veins, TRx came out fired up, despite Coach Berardi's lack of inspirational skill or ability to get the team to listen to him. Berardi had a personal stake in this game, as one of the opposing players was the very same person that B-RAD berated via email many times throughout the season due to fix being in for TRx's only tie on the season, and their heart-breaking loss due to time constraints.
Monday, June 12, 2006
2006 Volleyball Game 4 (6/12/2006)
After last weeks heartbreaking 2-set loss (heartbreaking due to the lack of write-up), TRx looked to get back to their winning ways last night, in a thrilling match against All-State. Despite Golden threatening to bench all the players who missed last week's game, spirits were high for most of the team, given the return of KB from a devastating softball injury. This provided a needed lift for the team, as their emotional leader was back, head-band, kick-serve, and all. Excited by the prospect of KB's return, Jonathan (the "tallest man alive," according to JR) even gave up his own glasses to Golden, as the Golden Child cried "Waaaaaaaa... the sun is too bright... waaaaa." Even Ben Lin came ready to play, wearing a white t-shirt that actually fit him this time. Yet one member of the team was playing with a heavy heart, as GLG had learned earlier in the day that a man that he doesn't know, and will likely never meet, Ben Roethlisberger, was in a horrific motorcycle accident.
Monday, May 22, 2006
2006 Volleyball Game 2 (5/22/2006)
In another dominating performance, TRx defeated American Meter 2-0 (15-4, 15-4). With Ana serving a league-imposed suspension due to her cursing, TRx welcomed Kim and Shannon onto the team. Yet the bigger story was the return of Young Johnson. Clad in headband, glasses, and cutoff shirt fresh off his performance on the Spanish national team, TRx both welcomed and feared his return. This fear was well-founded as JR attempted to reestablish his dominance and upset team chemistry with an early attack on Jonathan's hand, drawing blood. Yet motivated by this preposterous attack, Jonathan played on.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
2006 Volleyball Game 1 (5/18/2006)
TRx opened up the Volleyball season last night with a thrilling 2-0 victory (15-3, 15-7) over the Sting Arrays, playing a true team game despite missing the glue that doesn't hold us all together, big tipper Young Johnson (JR). Rumor has it he was in Spain, as the Spanish national team is recruiting slow white guys with bad knees to take them back to the bottom of the pile in international competition. Coach Golden, playing with a heavy heart, as he missed his brother, obviously learned much from former captain, Greg from Finance's great leadership during last seasons exciting playoff run, as the team was well-prepared for battle. Fans of the TRx sports program couldn't help but notice that Golden led to volleyball team to its first victory while Coach Berardi still hasn't gotten his first softball victory, as the calls for the Elf's resignation grew louder...
Tuesday, May 2, 2006
2006 Softball Game 1 (5/2/2006)
And begin it did... with a thrilling 7-7 tie, in a game few will forget, but even less will remember. Despite having never played softball, the new TargetRx ace, pitching machine Blin took the mound and the other team was immediately intimidated by his large stature. Blin immediately developed a rapport with catchers Meg and Kim, as due to their signals, he got the seasons first strikeout. With a swirling wind, the local cameraman's tripod was knocked over during the first inning, yet young Blin fought through the distraction and came up big to get the first two outs, as JR "looked on."
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