2007 Softball Game

On Tuesday night, TargetRx took on XXXX in a battle for their playoff lives. After squandering their chance in the heart-breaking 18-17 loss, TRx came out with passion and fire not seen since Elf first learned what the age of consent was in PA (needless to say, he is in favor of lowering it, not that that would help him at all…). Playing back at home, where their record is 3-1, TRx had high hopes (and Ana and Sam weren’t even there), with KB on the mound, and in the minds and hearts of those throughout the world.

KB started off firing strikes in there, achieving a first pitch strike on almost ever batter, and getting ahead of everyone. Meanwhile, Greg was also getting a head, checking JRs new phone for shrunken heads from Zimbabwe and dreaming his bulbous dome could be that small if only for a day.

TRx gave up one run in the first, but amazingly, they actually scored for the first time in a long long time (Berardi wishes the same could be said for him, but those damn age of consent laws scare him too much, so he is not willing to incriminate himself). TRx had to battle the huge arc of the opposing pitcher, who may have set a record for “illegal” pitches (while Elf tries to set a record for “illegal bitches” in his stable). The team was largely surprised that the ump would help them that much, as his lover Ana was not in attendance. However, the umpires help was not enough, as TRx may have set a new record for strikeouts in a game, with JR and Berardi joining the exclusive K Club, and KB and Lori cementing their status as the King and Queen of K Clubs. Berardi immediately became the court jester, and donned his usual Elf uniform as he frolicked around in the outfield.

In the second, things started to fall apart for TRx, mainly based on one play. With the grass slippery from the earlier rain, the ball was not going far in the outfield. With two men on, the other team hit a bloop single to Berardi in left. Despite the fact that he has no arm, and there was a cutoff man right there, Elf tried to fire in to KB covering home plate. As the ball lofted through the air, the rest of the team screamed out “NOOOOOO!!!!!” On top of the Elf’s week arm strength, he also had no accuracy on this throw, as it guided KB right into the oncoming beast of a man running from third, who growled as he body-checked KB right in the shoulder. When an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, things are bound to get ugly. Another run scored, as KB had to check to make sure his shoulder was still there. However, this would not be the most serious shoulder injury of the day.

Finally, TRx got out of the inning. Once up to bat again, KB started a run of hitting the ball to the exact same spot in foul territory that lasted for most of two at-bats (including his strikeout), as he continues to attempt to repeat his home run down the leftfield line, but with limited success. Later, KB argued with the ump that chalk was kicked up on one of them, but to no avail.

In the field, TRx had a game that GLG later described as “awwwww, pretty good” in a high voice as if a ground ball took a bad bounce and hit him in the junk. JR stepped in to left field, and showed the team (aka Berardi) that good things happen when you are in the proper position in the outfield. Murphy had a strong game as well, despite his usual one ground ball that gets past him. In the infield, Shannon played Gold-Glove caliber second base, catching a pop-up, and almost turning a double play. On top of that, she had two hits, and once again tore up her knee, bleeding all over the place. If an Austrialian were there, he would have said it was “a bloody mess,” both literally and figuratively. Golden and Colizzo also completed a beautiful double play, as Golden looked the runner back to second, fired to first, and Colizzo fired it right back to get the fool running to second, who was actually the “woman” who played third base. As she slid in the third, she attempted to cleat the Hit King. Being the class act that he is, Golden did not make his nickname refer to hitting woman (he saves that for his personal life), as he instead just shadowboxed with her. However, the play of the game likely goes to the Elf once again, as when playing out of position, he had to pump his little Elf legs to get to a ball. Now we’ve all heard Berardi scream when trying to throw the ball, but this time he mixed it up, screaming “eeeeeehhhhhhhhhaaaaaaa” as he made a sliding catch, to the amazement of everyone in the state of PA. Even the umpire had to make fun of him for that one.

On offense, GLG showed off his natural physique, and pretended the ball was one of the very shrunken heads he was earlier looking at, and rocked a ball to deep left center for a home run. Colizzo had an excellent game at the plate as well, going 3-3 and driving in what would amount to the game winning runs, as he tried to put the team on his shoulders (after KB’s shoulder proved too frail). However, after his third hit, he got doubled off first base, and as he dove back, popped his shoulder out of its socket. As Bill and KB looked over him, he requested Bill turn him over so he could pop it back in (something the Elf has requested many times as well). After this, Jim took himself out of the game, but KB, showing the compassion of someone who also had an injured shoulder tried to institute a moment of silence on the mound. Yet before the moment was over, Jim, showing the heart of a champion, put himself back in the game, preserving the defensive positioning that had worked so well all game.

In the top of the 7th, TRx once again held a two run lead, reminiscent of their last game. They gave up one run, but this time, they would not be denied, and survived with a 8-7 victory, marching one more step towards the playoffs. Perhaps the MVP of the game was Blin, who showed up, and was all ready to get in his uppercut swing, but who Berardi never actually blinserted blinto the game, showing that sometimes its better to win than to Blin.

After last nights cancellation due to KB’s terroristic rain dance on his flight to CA earlier in the day, TRx takes on Capmark next Tuesday in a win-and-in situation for the playoffs. Can they do it? Can Berardi get the age of consent lowered? Will it matter for him? The world knows the answer to many of these questions, but tune in next Tuesday for the aswer to the first. Updated stats are attached.