Last night TargetRx played their seventh game of the year, hoping to guarantee a winning record for the season in the horrendous humidity and hellish Horsham heat hoping to humiliate the helpless humans of Softerwear. Given the stifling heat, TRx decided it was too hot to run, and therefore too hot to score runs. On top of that, they were missing multiple players who likely had the runs. Alas, a victory was not meant to be, as signs were ominous even as TRx approached the field. They were enveloped by a rank odor, the likes of which haven’t been smelled since the last company lunch at the old Chinese buffet place on 611. Early on, it was feared that the odor was the decomposing bodies of either David, Aaron, TO, or Steve. Perhaps Father’s Day was not too happy for them after all. Luckily for TRx, Shannon made her triumphant softball return and Mike made his TRx softball debut to keep hope alive. If not for these two noble souls, super fan Krysta’s mom would have had to play 2nd, with her dog, Parker making like Air Bud (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0288415/) and roaming the outfield.
As the visiting team, TRx was up first, looking to continue their hot streak at the plate. The Ice Road Trucker Josh and Brian both reached base, and with Terry, GLG, and KB coming up hopes were high. Hopefully all of the fans were as well, as GLG and KB turned out to be as cold as Josh’s Ice Road. Rumor has it the fix was in from the start, as Greg was complaining earlier that he missed True Blood the previous evening, and wanted to get back home quick to see his hero Lafayette. Or to at least watch the Snoop Dogg video “Oh Sookie” again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8tODhvb47s). KB was also overheard discussing his desire to get back in time for the Bachelorette, to see how many more times Kasey would offer to guard and protect Ali’s heart.
In the field, TRx had their ups and downs. While Dempsey misplayed one fly ball to RC, he did get his glove on another one, preventing what would have been a home run. Josh had another of his patented miscues of playing in too shallow and then watching as the ball sails over his head. Greg finally succeeded on his patented throw-your-hat-off play. Brain tried to cause a collision as on a ground ball to third, he led KB right into the path of the oncoming runner. As it was a woman, KB got down on his knees and proposed, yet she would not accept his life-saver ring. To think, it worked so well for that kid in the commercial… On another play a comedy of errors ensued. On a shallow popup towards center, GLG tried to dive backwards to make the play, but just missed. The throw came home, where Christin caught it while KB did his Sir Mix-a-Lot impression and started singing “Baby Got Backup” as he backed her up at the plate. In preparation for football season, Christin then showed off her arm, but instead of throwing it to Brain at third, threw a deep touchdown pass towards Josh in left. But of course, Josh was too shallow for the throw, and it sailed over his head as well. Parker would have had that one. Kevin Kolb better watch out- after her success with the Flyers, Christin is aiming to take over the entire Philadelphia sports scene.
Throughout the rest of the game, while GLG, KB, and Dempsey combined to go 0-9, the female contingent tried to carry the team, as each of them reached base. Krysta led the team with 2 hits and nearly had a third while being robbed on a foul ball towards third. Christin showed off her foot speed and screamed at the first baseman to beat out a throw. Shannon peppered the field with line drives, and the three ladies finished with more hits than the rest of TRx combined. Finally, in the top of the 7th inning, TRx finally got on the board, as Mike managed to beat out a ground ball to the left side to allow the only run to score for TRx. The crowd would have gone wild, if they were still there, but after seeing the poor performance of TRx, Parker quit in his bid to take over for Chloe as team mascot. In fact, the team’s performance was almost enough to make those changing the TV channel to this game resort to murder (http://soccernet.espn.go.com/world-cup/story/_/id/5297052/ce/us/south-african-man-killed-wife-kids-changing-tv-germany-australia-game&cc=5901?ver=us). Michael Vick was all set to have a dogfight to the death between Chloe and Parker before the next game, but alas, there will be no fight. With Parker gone, and the game over, TRx couldn’t even enjoy the seventh inning fetch. Hopefully, he made it home safely and didn’t encounter any biker gangs (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/10333211.stm).
While TRx lost 7-1 and fell to 5-2 there were some positives. Terry continued to pitch well, as even with a makeshift defense, TRx only gave up 7 runs (and five of them on errors). While GLG, KB, and Demps stunk worse than the stench surrounding the field (and may have even been the cause of it), the ladies picked up some of the slack on offense. Christin ensured herself a chance to compete for the starting QB spot for the Eagles. And most importantly, no one got hurt (besides the rotting carcass of the dead creature). Besides the final score, the only other disappointing result was that TRx suffered their first loss after an Iron Abbey happy hour. It’s the kind of thing that could drive a team to drink… The next game is Wednesday, 6/30 at 5:15 against Simplex. Rumor has it Tina Turner will be in attendance to sing the national anthem as well as “Simplex the Best” before the game.
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