Once at the field, TRx continued their preparation for the game. Krysta, Christin, and Kristin did wind sprints as if they were trying to escape the wrath of Berardi. Dempsey rambled incoherently to himself about the lineup. Greg stretched out his neck, to prevent injury from the weight of his bulbous head. David stood around looking pretty. KB tried to motivate the team with songs from his phone (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSvk1W8hzPk&feature=related). TRx even brought out their secret weapon for this game, Jerry from Chicago. Apparently, after hearing about Christin’s killer kick saves in all of the previous game, he was looking to do some advanced scouting for the Blackhawks before game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals. However, during the game, Christin kept her guard up, unwilling to show off any of the moves that have gotten the Flyers this far. If this will bode well for the Flyers remains to be seen.
As visiting team, TRx was up to bat first. For the first time all season, the bats came alive, keyed by hits by Aaron, Brian, Josh, and Greg, as TRx put up 3 runs in the first, and 7 in the second. Christin got in on the action as well, as after warming up with KB before the game and purposely hitting nothing, she smoked one down the line for a hit and later scored. Krysta continued her streak of laser-like line drives, and David once again kept coming through in the clutch. KB continued fouling balls into the woods, as he recently purchased that property and now has an elaborate scam going on to sell back all foul balls to the league as Greg helps him launder money (he’s been doing it for years). Dempsey was robbed on two solid line drives up the middle.
However, the offensive mis-play of the game belonged to TO. After reaching second, and representing a huge run for TRx, TO had the spotlight on him. After a solid base hit to left by David, Terry waved TO home. Time must have slowed down, or TO’s speed isn’t what it once was, and the throw beat him by 20 feet. Would we have another blinternational-blincident (http://fatdrunknstupid.blogspot.com/2010/05/2007-softball-game-this-has-blin.html)? Would TO take a cue from Friar Truck (Josh) and truck the female catcher? Would he attempt to slide under the tag? As the suspense continued to build, TO just stopped, and started renegotiating his contract, proclaiming that he gets paid to get game-winning hits, not run the bases, and just like that, the inning was over.
As TRx was piling on the runs, Kristin started singing “Who Let The Dog’s Out” and all of the sudden, a vicious beast appeared at the horizon in right field. As the dog approached, TRx took the field attempting to preserve their lead. Terry knew he had to pitch a big game, to keep the press more interested in TRx softball than Stephen Strasburg’s MLB debut. However, the defense did not fully do their part. In the bottom of the first, Auxillium’s fourth batter hit a long fly ball to left. Clearly, this man must have been partaking in his company’s major product, Testim. This play occurred just as the dog was fully in sight. Aaron made eye-contact with the beast, and instantly tried to flee, running towards home (plate, not his domicile) as the ball soared over his head for a long home run. Aaron later did this a few more times, but twice was able to recover and salvage a catch, while making the rest of the team sweat (the blood and the tears would come later).
After the inning, the team realized that the dog was the new TRx mascot, Chloe, accompanied by the Baha Men (aka Eminem), boyfriends Michael and Mark (boyfriends of Kristin and Christin, not each other). They continued to provide the musical accompaniment for the rest of the game, singing along with KB’s phone, getting Ice Road Trucker Josh to drive the band with classic party beats, and singing Night Ranger’s Sister Christin/Kristin each time one of their dearly beloved came up to bat or made a play.
After giving up the early homerun, the TRx defense settled down a bit. On a hard hit shot to third, Brian pulled out the play-action pump fake, before leading KB towards the oncoming runner to tag him out (and nearly lay him out as well). Greg almost had one of his patented throw-your-hat-off over the shoulder catches, but the size of his bulbous head must have increased over the course of the game, as he couldn’t get his hat off of his head. Krysta had two excellent catches in the outfield on long fly balls. Seemingly, Dempsey’s outfield alignment was working to perfection. However, in the bottom of the 6th, nursing a 13-4 lead, the TRx defense of old reemerged, in homage to Berardi. After Brian just missed catching a short pop-up in foul territory, Auxillium hit a hard ground ball to Greg. As he tried to throw it to David at second, it soared over David’s head into right field, once again making TO mad that he had to run. Later, on an attempted double play, Greg had to adjust his throw at the last second to avoid the oncoming runner’s face. Auxillium followed with another mutli-run home run to left, and suddenly it was 13-9.
Before the start of the 7th, Blin showed up, dressed as a boxing ring girl to announce “Insurance open” as TRx desperately wanted some insurance runs. Josh started the inning off with a line drive to left. GLG followed up with an opposite field home run (“Oppo Boppo!”), proving he knows a thing or two about going the other way. In fact, while he knew his wife wouldn’t be attending this game, after seeing all the other boyfriends, he was hoping his BF on the side would show up too. KB then dropped a blooper into left (after fouling off another ball), and decided to make a break for second. As the throw came in, KB decided to teach TO how to slide, and swiftly slid around the tag to be safe at second. However, his knee and ankle paid the price. Once GLG saw the blood dripping down KB’s leg and mixing with sweat, the tears started streaming. Instantly, Eminem broke out into Blood, Sweat, and Tears greatest hits. As KB examined his injury, he saw the shape of the scrape, and he saw Jesus- literally, his scrape was shaped like Jesus, and he knew TRx would prevail.
Later, after David knocked in KB, Greg consoled KB about his injury, while KB consoled GLG about his boyfriend not showing up. He was still mad, but together they got through it. After the third out, Blin showed up again to proclaim “Insurance closed,” with TRx up 16-9.
The bottom of the inning showcased excellent plays all around, as well as an interesting display by Drunk Guy. Krysta caught another monster fly ball for the first out. Next Drunk Guy was up, and as he approached the plate, he continued to hit on both the ump, and the TRx catcher, as he had the whole game. During the game, he was even showing interest in David, at one point almost distracting him into striking out. Finally, Chloe had seen enough, and trotted out there to growl at him. Drunk guy then attempted to call his shot. While his call was incorrect, he did reach base. Jerry then had a shoestring catch in left for the second out. And TRx finally perfected the tip pass, which KB and GLG tried to no avail last game, as Terry got his glove on a line drive up the middle, and tipped it just enough for David to catch it in the air. And victory was In Da Bad (II). The lesson, don’t mess with Chloe…
After the game, the umpire proclaimed to Dempsey “It's not often a team gives up that many homeruns and still wins. Good job,” giving Dempsey the validation he’s been looking for his whole life. KB attempted to clean his wound by pouring alcohol on it. After the initial burn came a buzz, as the alcohol directly entered his bloodstream, providing yet another way for today’s youth to get drunk, joining such miscreant activities such as vodka eyeballing (http://www.nationalledger.com/lifestyle/article_272632090.shtml) and worse (http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1380419/beer_and_alcohol_enemas_a_drinkers.html?cat=5). It made him long for the days when a kid could be a kid, and have a nice cold beer while at a ballgame (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWp_K2rvUXQ&feature=related).
In the end, TRx quite possibly scored more runs than they have all season and has moved to 4-1 (4-0 after happy hours). Next game is Wednesday, 6/16 at 5:15. Can TRx find a way to win without a happy hour? Will the whole team be wearing their new jerseys (made in New Jersey)? Will Christin’s kick saves now refer to the World Cup instead of the Stanley Cup? How many times will David say to Terry “Terry. Wait for your outfield. Terry. Wait. Wait, Terry?” The answer to these questions, and more, next week.
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