TRx Softball Game 7 Recap: My Ears Hurt

On Thursday, 7/16, TRx (5-1) took on undefeated Quest Diagnostics (3-0) in a battle of B-league juggernauts.  Before the game, Dempsey used his motivational skills once again, proclaiming "a loss won't be the end of the world" and a bunch of other words that TRx tuned out, soothed by the knowledge that the world would be safe regardless of the outcome.  However, Quest had one quickly Diagnosed secret weapon in this game that would make TRx's quest that must more difficult- a schizophrenic catcher who wouldn't shut up the whole game.  Not even the presence of Zoe was enough to overcome the incessant alternation between heckling and offers of friendship from The HUman Megaphone (THUM).



The Quest offense started off strong, finding multiple holes in the makeshift TRx defense, likely due to the distractions caused by THUM screaming at all times.  After a string of base hits and a few Quest runs scoring, TRx made the rash decision of utilizing "the shift."  However, this was not just in reference to the defensive ploy of moving Mento to play short-left center, it was also the practice of shifting our perception from the material point of view to a spiritual point of view, much in line with Dempsey's loss comment. 

As each member of the team embraced the nirvana within themselves, things started to happen for TRx.  Mento ended up perfectly positioned for multiple fly balls to the outfield.  KB was filled with so much spirituality that he appeared to be floating on air.  In fact, this twice doomed TRx in the field, as the ump claimed he was off the base on two close plays at first.  Either that, or KB needs to finally upgrade from the cleats he has been wearing for almost 20 years into ones that actually fit, and don't take 5 minutes each to squeeze into.  On one such play, THUM was on first base and was running to second as the throw came into first.  Somehow, despite being face-to-face with GLG's bulbous dome, she screamed out "HIS FOOT WAS OFF THE BASE."  What kind of mythic creature has eyes in the back of her head?  Apparently one who is loud and obnoxious at all times...

Meanwhile, in the outfield, Josh, still jacked up over his election to the All Star team, decided to fight for a position in the 'awesome outfield arm' competition (which surprisingly, doesn't actually exist).  Josh has been trying out for this competition for years, as evidenced by his blatant disregard for the cutoff man.  Although with GLG as cutoff man, perhaps he was just scared that the gravitational pull of Greg's bulbous dome would lead to the ball being lost forever.  As Quest continued their parade of hits, no less than five times did the Ice Road Trucker field the ball in left, and fire home, despite the runner having already scored, sat back down on their bench, and rubbed one out.  However, Josh had a method to his madness- he knew each meaningless throw he made home would allow the other baserunners to advance to second and third, which would only serve to give him additional opportunities to throw someone out at home.  Of course, TRx was unable to capitalize on any of said opportunities.

On offense, Aaron overcame his leg injuries to beat out a close play at first, as if he was gliding through the spiritual realm.  Josh continued his hot streak with yet another home run.  TO got into the action, with a slide/glide into second.  GLG decided to do the same as well, diving/sliding/stopping, dropping, and rolling into second after a line drive was caught. 

GLG also attempted to hit another "Oppo Boppo," but with the ball only barely reaching the green grass of the outfield, it didn't look like it was meant to be.  However, as GLG let go of his material desire for a homerun, bizarre things began to happen...  Somehow the ball dropped in safely behind the second base-woman, and GLG took off for second.  The throw was off-line, and GLG took off for third.  With Quest still unable to pick up the ball, GLG hustled home to again come face to face with the screaming catcher, in the process securing an asterisk next to the HR, signifying it as the weakest HR of all time.  Hopefully, Zoe learned the valuable lesson that it is better to be lucky than good (I think that may have been the same manner of how she was conceived as well).  And hopefully she doesn't have permanent hearing damage (and will never read these writeups).

In the end, TRx fell 13-7, dropping TRx to 5-2 and following a similar path as last year, as the curse of James English continued.  By the end of the game, ears still ringing from THUM, TRx was just happy it was over.  But at least Dempsey's proclamation was true- the world did not end, although there was horse (and man) that were seen on the field during the game.  Luckily, the other three horsemen of the apocalypse were otherwise occupied.  Though TRx could have used those wild horses (as opposed to Wyld Stallyns) to drag THUM away...

...should have dragged THUM away...