2011 TRx Softball Game 6- A Game Of Inches

On Monday (6/6), TRx took on Softerware, who apparently have not gotten any softer since last year (or they were just too cheap to get new jersey's proclaiming they EvenSofterWare or Softererware).  Last year this matchup proved Harder(ware) than TRx had anticipated, as they were only able to put up one lone run against these heathens, in what proved to be the beginning of the end of their season (they had been 5-1 heading into the game).  With this year's team at 4-1, they had to pull out all of the stops to prevent a repeat performance.



Knowing the stakes of this game, and seeing the date of 6/6 with six being his favorite number, GLG decided to make a deal with the devil (aka Mike Berardi) to aid TRx.  In exchange for tattooing a '666' onto his lower back before the game, the Mad Elf agreed to use his dark arts to help GLG and TRx in the game.  However, just like when he actually played on the team, he made it interesting the whole way.

Berardi is the devil...

With TRx as the home team, they took the field to start the game.  On an early play, a line drive sailed towards GLG at shortstop, but as he attempted to jump, the weight of his bulbous dome allowed him to only get two inches off the ground as the ball continued on into the outfield.  The team, much like Greg's wife, was not happy with his two inches...  In the same inning, Steve almost concussed himself after making a running catch and falling down (its arguable which was more entertaining- Steve falling down or the classic movie Falling Down).  Eventually, Softerware got on the board, to take a seemingly insurmountable 1-0 lead.

In the bottom of the inning, GLG got his revenge, going the other way for a double to score Josh.  KB followed it up with a base hit through the left side to knock in GLG, as TRx was cooking up some two-out lightning.  Terry followed that with a base hit to left field that missed getting by the leftfielder by inches.  As KB rounded second base, he decided to stop and conserve energy, despite no one covering third.  Terry had to slam on the brakes, screaming "KEN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"   Hell, and the curse of Berardi, must have been behind this buon(ocore)-headed play. 

The game continued to be a pitchers duel until the top of the fourth, as Softerware began to find holes in the TRx defense.  Brian was peppered (and insalted) with line drivers inches out of reach at third.  On a key play with bases loaded, a slow roller eluded Terry's glove by inches, allowing everyone to be safe as Gabriela got hit in the leg again. 

TRx also had a near highlight as GLG fired a grounder from shortstop to Terry, hustling to beat the runner home.  As Terry swiped and tagged his back shoulder, someone the ump made the safe call, despite all of this happening a good 10 feet from the plate.  Nowhere in the scouting report did it say Stretch Armstrong was playing on their team, as TRx came up inches short yet again, with Softerwear scoring 5 runs to take a commanding 6-2 lead.

Stretch Armstrong- The DJ or the toy?

With the arrival of Steve's kids, TRx began to chip away.  Steve himself almost started the barrage, on a rope to right field.  As he motored around the bases, the "Daddy" chants picked up steam.  As he approached third, a throw came in and got away from the third baseman and was seemingly headed out of bounds.  As the bench began screaming, Steve motored for home like a runaway train, trying to get Asylum for his Soul.  Josh's eyes began to widen, with the prospect of a trucking on par with Blin body-checking a girl many moons ago.  As the throw approached and Steve began to lower his shoulder, Christin screamed out "N-O-O-O-O-O!!!"  And then BOOM!...  Steve was tagged out peacefully (by inches once again), with no trucking, as Josh started screaming out "BOOOO."  He was quickly quieted by Steve's kids kicking him in the shins repeatedly. 

Despite this minor hiccup, TRx continued to battle.  After TO reached base, Josh hit a towering fly ball to left.  Despite his injured shins, he began racing around the field, as TO slowly moseyed his way from base to base.  Still hyped after Steve's near trucking, Josh knew with his speed and TO's slowness, this would be his chance to get in a trucking, even if it was on his own teammate.  As closed the gap while chasing down TO, TO saw the look of insanity in Josh's eyes, and found speed he never knew he had to elude Josh.  Josh's HR cut the lead to 6-4.  TRx cut the lead to 6-5 after GLG went opposite field for another double, and KB knocked him in with a roller up the middle, which he beat out- it must have been all that energy saved by not running to third base earlier in the game.

The TRx defense continued to shine, as Steve was like a young college-baseball-playing Shewbrooks out there, running down anything even remotely close to him.  In fact, even the other team started doing the "Daddy" chant.  It was reminisent of the Mad Elf, although Steve actually caught the ball each time (and had his wife and kids at the game- something the Mad Elf would never do).

In the bottom of the 6th, GLG once again went opposite field, becoming the TRx resident lefty, this time for a home run ("OPPO BOPPO") to tie the game. TRx held Softerware in the top of the 7th, and had a chance to "take it in the bottom" as Double D was fond of saying.  Brian quickly reached base.  Big Bad Bob stepped to the plate having hit the ball hard all game, with little to show for it except for an interesting base-running move earlier.  During said play, Bob hit a grounder to the left side and raced to first base.  Ten feet (120 inches) from the bag, he raised both of his hands for some reason.  Either he was paying homage to his second cousin Usain Bolt, or he was signaling Touchdown.  Despite being out on that play, in the 7th, with all of the pressure on him, Bob came through, with a solid base hit to left center to score Brian, and TRx was victorious!

Bob = Usain Bolt's second cousin?

Somehow, GLG's deal with the devil came true.  However, after realizing the idiocy of a 666 tramp stamp, GLG decided to go with this guys method and got it turned into a bar code.  However, now when he wears his skimpy little outfits out to the stores, all the employees try to call him over and he has to keep yelling out "Don't scan me, bro!"

After the game, Josh and GLG were called over by the ump and informed that they had both received All Star Game invitations.  While GLG can't make it this year, they said they would hold his spot for next year, as it will probably take them that long to find a hat that will fit his bulbous dome.  An investigation is ongoing into Josh's election, as allegations of ballot-box stuffing have surfaced.  Apparently, many of his votes came from his fellow truckers as they were passing through town, all of them lacking legit residences in the Horsham area.

Dempsey gave another rousing motivational speech after the game, looking very much like Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) "much like in Game of Thrones, in a game of inches, you win or you die, and today, we won." The win moves TRx to 5-1 for the second straight year.  Next game is Thursday, 6/16 against 3-0 Quest Diagnostics.  Be sure to flush out any steroids or other substances from your system, as they plan on taking drug tests back to the home office...

What marketing exec green-lit this ad?