With Captain Berardi still looking for that elusive first victory, TRx took on the GMAC Blue Sox last night. During the pregame warmup, Berardi spent much of the time crying about his injured hand, begging for attention, instead of warming up his arm. I guess he realized he has no chance of ever throwing anyone out, so he's just given up at this point. Once the game finally started, much like everything else the Elf touches, everything went downhill in a hurry.
Missing the massive stature of ace pitcher Ben "Tripod" Lin (missing due to being a human sacrifice in the previous days volleyball game), TRx had Young Johnson on the mound, making his first appearance since picking up TRx's only other real loss of the season in a relief appearance. While filling in for such a seasoned veteran would be hard for any man, Remington found the task even more difficult, as he struggled through the first 3 innings, giving up 9 crushing runs, in a horrific performance.
The team knew they were in trouble right off the bat, as the first two balls were hit to Berardi in right-center. Amazingly, he somehow caught both. However, then the Berardi we've all grown to know and love returned, as he let one ball under his glove, and on another routine fly ball, decided to run too far in, as the ball sailed over his tiny little head. Apparently, for each ball B-RAD catches, he has to make at least that many errors. As the runs began to score, all Remington could say was "Not my fault!" (a recurring theme throughout the game) as he was consoled by third baseman Golden, with the loving call of "Bear."
Unfortunately, Golden was apparently focused too much on Remington, as his play in the field was Berardi-like, as many of his throws went sailing into the woods, killing numerous squirrels and other varmints. In fact, after the game the ASPCA issued a written statement to the league, asking for the banishment of team TRx, as more balls thrown to first ended up in the woods than ended up in my glove.
When TRx finally got up to bat, there were high hopes, as Orr started off the game with a home run. However, in another patented Elf move, after a solid base hit to the outfield, Berardi tried for third, only to get thrown out, as he slid into the tag, making the first out of the inning, and killing the little momentum TRx had. As a hush fell over the crowd at this egregious mistake, all that could be heard was "Waaaaa, I'm an elf who doesn't run the bases well... waaaaaaaa, and I injured by hand... waaaaaaa... now I'll probably make even more errors in the outfield... waaaaaaaa."
Remington tried to lift the team on his shoulders on offense, going 4-4 as he reached base each time up, but alas, he was followed by Greg and Golden, who had a whopping zero hits between them. After the error-filled first three innings, Remington and TRx settled down, as Kelly cheered him on from the catcher position, going the next three innings with zero runs allowed, highlighted by Greg's over the shoulder basket catch while running backwards.
Other key defensive highlights included Manny gunning the ball to Greg at second to prevent a double, as the runner got caught in a pickle... Showing amazing poise and dexterity, GLG and KB executed the run-down to perfection (and executed one of the squirrels that Golden didn't manage to kill), as KB showed off his blazing speed to tag the runner out. Even Berardi got in on the defensive theatrics, as he showed off his amazing arm by rolling the ball in on each hit to the outfield, one of the times rolling the ball to first to double up a runner. While no team fears B-Rads arm, perhaps the reason the reason they don't try to test his arm is his primordial yell on each pathetic attempt at a throw (another clear attempt to put all the attention on himself).
However, the defensive heroics all ended in the 7th inning, with a historic display in what will be forever know as "The Play." On a ground ball to Golden, the throw to first was slightly low, and the ball escaped the grasp of KB. As the ball rolled away, the runner took off for second. KB retrieved the ball, and forgetting the game was actually in play, decided to throw a ground ball to shortstop. Unfortunately, the ball was meant to go to second base, where Tom and Greg awaited the throw. A diving Legrand could not stop it, as the ball rolled into the outfield. The runner kept going, as there was going to be a play at the plate. Manny fired it home, yet overthrew Remington, who was covering the plate. Ana was in key backup position, and somehow caught the errant throw. However, the speed ferocity of Manny's throw may have broken her hand. After the game, she was rushed to the Seafood Factory for X-Rays and alcohol, with much of the team going with her to show their moral support.
Down big in the late innings, TRx attempted to make a comeback. Meg reached on a solid infield single. Tom hitting a ground ball to third, and Meg attempted to take second. As the third baseman threw to second Meg barreled down the basepath. She realized she would likely be out, so attempted to make things interesting. Instead of going to the base, she attempted to intercept the throw, barreled into the second baseman, spun off, and almost picked off the ball. It was likely the best breaking up of a double play in TRx history. This fielders choice was the only thing preventing Tom from going 3-3 in his TRx softball team debut.
In the last inning, Berardi finally tried to make up for his earlier mistakes, hitting an opposite field homerun, as his little elf legs carried him around the bases. However, he failed to realize that scoring one run doesn't make up for the 7 unearned runs he allowed... The game ended with a final score of 12-4, much to the chagrin of super-fans Dana and Mean Joe Ford, who loudly booed, and longed for the days of Jeff Kohl, when TRx would actually win some softball games...
Next game is Wednesday, 5/31 at 6:30, meaning both a pre- and post-game happy hour... because when you have a captain like Berardi, sometimes you just have to drink...
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