As the game was about to start, a late-arriving Christin appeared like a mirage on the horizon, and she was on a mission from God (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKZSqd5Y8nA). On the short drive over to the field from the office, as she began the metamorphosis into a superhero, she did her best Clark Kent impression, and completely changed outfits while driving. Luckily she made it safely, but rumor has it there were numerous car accidents from wanna-be peeping Tom’s (no word on whether Orgeron or Principe was one of them). Yet once her smiling visage made it to the bench, and her encouraging words of wisdom filled the air, a sense of calm overtook the team.
As the home team, TRx once again began the game in the field. Terry slowly walked to the mound with a look of determination on his face (either that, or he had bad Mexican food for lunch). With a light drizzle, and dark clouds in the sky, the weather was portending danger. Sure enough, Capmark quickly scored a run on a short fly ball to right that Mike, in his excitement, overran. Yet the defense settled down, and escaped the inning only giving up one run.
TRx started off strongly at the plate, as Trucker Josh, Aaron, and Steve all reached base. An audible gasp was let out by the bench after Josh’s hit, as with no one coaching first base, everyone feared the Unabomber would create havoc on the base paths. The bases were loaded for GLG, but apparently, Greg couldn’t handle the load, and Bill Withers was not there help (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaVXfHZv50Y), as GLG hit a weak ground ball back to the pitcher, who got the force out at home. KB didn’t do much better, grounding to third, but luckily all of the speed and endurance training he’s been doing since last week paid off, as he beat the throw and reached base, and TRx tied it up. Terry then did the same thing, also beating a throw to first, as TRx took the lead, scoring two runs in the first. Unfortunately, these would be the last two runs they would score on this fateful day…
On defense, TRx continued to play well enough to win, if they had any run support. Aaron nearly had a diving play down the third base line. GLG showed off his range and enjoyment of going both ways, making his patented running catch of pop-ups both to his left and to his right. However, he did not do his usual flip off of his hat, much to everyone’s chagrin. His ever-growing bulbous head must have made the hat too tight to come off. Josh continued to make this interesting in the outfield, taking his usual two steps in before realizing that the ball might be deeper than expected. Steve also had some circus catches out there, but Terry’s pinpoint scouting of Capmark and positioning of the outfield paid dividends. Krysta and Mike got in on the action later in the game as well with more traditional catches in the outfield.
In the third inning, Hill Billy, the white trash ump from last week reemerged from the woods, looking slightly more professional, to scout both teams. Steve, having gathered a bunch of children from his Angels in the Outfield foundation (some of whom could have helped our defense), knew this was his chance to redeem himself and put forth a positive lesson. As he approached the ump for a make-up session, it quickly devolved into a make-out session (not that there’s anything wrong with that- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GMZjkNW5b8). However, upon discovering that WT Ump was doing his Peter Griffin impression and had birds living in his beard, Steve became enraged, as the two tussled again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJOuSu9Uiek&feature=related). Yet eventually they made their peace, as both apologized and hugged it out.
TRx had a limited few other chances to score, as the bats went dead. Josh continued to hit well, but later got stranded between 2nd and 3rd after forgetting to run on a ground ball to the left side by GLG. KB then flied out to left, in what may have been his first at-bat all year where he didn’t first foul a ball into the woods. Later, new extra hitter Kevin (“Special K”) tried to get on base any way possible, including giving the ump incredulous looks after each obvious strike call, and even getting hit by a pitch, before the ump had to explain that as the batter, you could actually move out of the way. Apparently, the Hand of God pitching style of Capmark, with a 25 foot arc making it appear that the ball was falling from the heavens, was too much for TRx to handle.
TRx continued to hold a 2-1 lead as the game progressed. Christin’s hockey/soccer skills made a triumphant return with another kick save, dedicated to her biggest fan, KB. Old Demps almost had a leaping catch at 2nd base, but alas, those old knees can’t obtain that 2-inch vertical anymore. In the sixth inning, Capmark began to make their move. After a runner reached, one of their batters hit a long fly ball to right center that got past everyone. As the throw came in to Greg, amazingly there was still the potential for a play at the plate. Greg fired the ball home, and KB swiped at the woman trying to score, just missing her. Dempsey ran to home plate to object about the lack of a slide to no avail. The game was now tied. On the next play, Terry induced a ground ball right back to him. He quickly looked the runner back to third and fired to first. As the throw went to first, the runner on third took off. KB quickly caught the ball and fired to Kristin at home, who caught the ball as the runner was approaching. Somehow, the runner just slid under the tag and was safe, as Capmark took a 3-2 lead. Dempsey this time attempted to STRENUOUSLY object (http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=2122), but again, to no avail.
As Capmark took the lead, Demps got even more serious (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUH3JQjcweM). As the tension built, Dempsey’s age became a factor (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q37xJtuQ24w), as it was getting past his bedtime, and he wanted to make it home to see if Ali would choose Roberto or Chris. Kristin, tired of hearing his complaints, took matters into her own hands, and pulled out a shotgun, and shot at Dempsey. With Dempsey shot, Special K had to enter the game at second base (the jury is still out on whether Kevin is truly “special” or if he just uses a lot of ketamine). Later, when questioned on what happened, Kristin had her excuses perfectly prepared (http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi3091268889/). After threatening to sue, Dempsey recalled the most famous scene from the short-lived Fox drama Skin (“HIS FATHER WAS THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY!!! ), and knew there was nothing he could do, but continue to rant about being shot in the head (http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi2656896281/) before taking the high road and trying to calm the team down again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMwmqp3GLMc).
TRx had two last chances at the plate. In the sixth, Steve attempted to directionally hit it to left, however did not see their fourth outfielder lying in the grass wearing camouflage, and fell right into their trap. In the seventh, Terry reached base again. His aggressive base-running got him to second, as he slid to take out their female second baseman. Luckily it wasn’t a repeat of the Blin trucking incident from back in the day (http://fatdrunknstupid.blogspot.com/2010/05/2007-softball-game-this-has-blin.html). But alas, TRx could not get the tying run in, and fell 3-2. In the one game where we needed Double D to proclaim his patented line “Let’s take it in the bottom,” TRx could not pull it out, and this time took it in the bottom in a very bad way. It was almost as if it was meant to be, as even Entourage has Sasha Grey guest-star and had E and Sloane attempting to perform Double D’s patented line. To add insult to injury, Kristin’s flip-flop key-chain broke at the end of the game, the perfect symbol for what happened to our playoff chances, as even twizzler power couldn’t save us.
After the game, all the team could do was walk around in a trance-like state, wondering what could have been and they did their best Jimmy and Bunk impressions (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQbsnSVM1zM). GLG had a minor nervous breakdown, and started apologizing to someone named
Wilson (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-zaO-hUYag). Perhaps he was confusing softball with volleyball again. Greg knew he should have attempted to get Young Johnson, aka Batman to return to the team for this game, but unfortunately, Batman was unable to save TRx this time (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ez9xiDsSX4&playnext=1&videos=RzkKTSCg794). Kevin didn’t know what the big deal about the loss was, as he simply claimed he was just a postman (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppXLt2eBxVY). What a special guy…
Even though he said he wasn’t going to do, what everybody thought he was going to do, and flip out, Dempsey proceeded to flip out. At his press conference following the game, where he was drinking very perverse beer (http://www.nydailynews.com/money/2010/07/22/2010-07-22_beer_served_in_perverse_bottles_made_from_dead_animal_carcasses_costs_750.html), Old Demps was incredulous when asked about TRx’s playoff chances after this stinging loss (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7fjDS0jKiE&feature=related). Apparently, Capmark is who we thought they were (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_N1OjGhIFc). Dempsey ended his press conference claimed he was going to follow in the footsteps of these guys (http://blogs.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/timblair/index.php/dailytelegraph/comments/dodge_duck_dip_dive/), take his talents to South Beach, and start his own softball federation.
With the playoff dream likely dead, Josh claimed he was going to take his Ice Road Trucking skills across the Oregon Trail (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgbCg3G4A70). After being recruited by the grand wizard-like Special K, Ken, Kristin, and Krysta were going to form their own big 3 to rival Lebron, Wade, and Bosh in Miami, but after settling on the lovely town of Rising Sun, MD and coming up with nickname KKK, Christin alerted them to the presence of a different KKK who had set up shop in that town already (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Rising%20Sun). In fact, that is probably where Hill Billy lives.
One positive that comes out of this loss is that TRx won’t have to see GLG try to grow a playoff beard. Given his usual lack of facial hair, he’d likely resort to such trickery and duplicity where we would get to find out if he is a true blond (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_fTwxGpXKc), with him crazy-gluing hair from elsewhere onto his face, and no one wants to see that…
Despite the death of our playoff chances, we do still have one more game- next Monday (8/9) at 5:15 against Bimbo. Once we have confirmation that the playoffs are out of our grasp, we can go nuts that game- watch Greg play the field left-handed, Josh run the bases recklessly even when our team is not up to bat, and Terry pitch over-handed. It also makes sense that there should be a happy hour after the game, to celebrate the end of the season, and what could have been…
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