Last year's season ended in disappointment, as TRx failed to make the playoffs. To add insult to injury, the final few weeks played out with TRx almost getting no-hit one game, TRx losing their finale on a game-ending triple-play where TRx was unable to accomplish what David so enthusiastically cheers for ("Let's take it in the bottom!"), and KB becoming embroiled in what has to be one of the first ever slow-pitch softball umpire feuds (see beginnings of it in comments here).
It was an off-season of change in many ways for TRx, with the loss of Krysta to softball team arch-rival Kellogg, Kristin getting engaged, GLG having a baby (well, not him, but his wife), and Steve getting a hole in one. Along with the remnants from last year, this year's team picks up some new faces (although some of them have technically been on the roster for multiple seasons, but rarely, if ever, actually showing up at any games), as well as another ex-employee/client making his triumphant return to TRx sports.
Onto the new players:
Craig "The Animal" Scott (no relation to Michael Scott, although rumor has it that Craig auditioned for the role of Michael Scarn, and was a financial backer of Threat Level Midnight)- Early reports state he has a good bat. As further motivation, he has promised everyone on the team an extra month of vacation if we win the title. The icing on the cake- instead of going to the Iron Abbey for pre/post game celebrations, all future shenanigans will take place at the VFW (home of the world famous hand-pressed roast beef).
Gabriela- This skilled project coordinator was brought in for intimidation. Much like a popular technique when going to prison is to pick a fight with the biggest, baddest guy on the cell block, Gabriela put the whole league on notice in her first game- firing the bat back at both the catcher and umpire. Let's see the umps try to continue the feud now...
Kevin- After making his debut late last season, Kevin joins the team on a more full-time basis this year. This tall glass of water enjoys dancing, long walks on the beach, and writing poetry. Only one of those statements is true, and let's say it's not usually him doing the dancing. After years of hearing of the joys and getting a small taste of the TRx softball team last year, this year Kevin hopes his keen (Double) Visions will allow him to get many a walk. While in Vegas for the Super Bowl, Kevin even placed a futures bet on TRx to win the whole league. Given the extremely long odds, if that happens don't expect to see Kevin ever again...
Kirk- According to GLG, Kirk becomes the first IT guy to ever play on a TRx sports team. Rumor has it he is now being shunned by the rest of the IT department for his betrayal. The good news is, if necessary, Kirk can hack into the league website and change all the scores to propel us into the playoffs. Unfortunately, he can also hack into this website, changing anything I write. KIRK IS THE GREATEST- Kirk.
"Mean" Joe Ford- This year Mean Joe looks to branch out and bring his usual brand of intensity and dedication from the volleyball courts to the softball diamond. Or at least that is his claim. In reality, his only reason for joining the team is to further recruit for V-ball, as his goal is to have at least 3 teams this year, despite the struggles to get enough players to show up for even one team. Hopefully, we'll get to hear at least one "COME ON, JOEY," and get to watch Mean Joe jump around as if he were a baby kangaroo (aka a joey).
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| COME ON, JOEY |
Bob "That Mento Kid"- For some people, TRx sports are like heroin, and Bob's now got the monkey on his back, after getting his first taste from the inaugural flag football team. As Dempsey says, "That Mento kid, he's a player." For the teams sake, let's hope that unlike Big Pun, he IS a player, AND he crushes a lot.
James "English Channel"- This is one channel you won't want to change. James made his TRx sports debut in week 1, manning the muddy marsh of first base with such skill and dexterity that a position controversy has developed between James and KB. However, given his last name, his enthrallment with the recent Royal Wedding may not dissipate for the rest of the season. Will KB be able to take advantage of his opportunity and wrestle back the first base position?
Ed "Smith & Wesson"- Ed has technically been on the roster for years, but has yet to show up at a game. Rumor has it he and Tom P. worked this no-show softball job status into their contracts years ago, and no one has been willing to challenge them on it. Ed is the muscle in their organized crime family, quick to the draw and always shooting to kill with one of the various pistols he packs on his person at all times.
Tom P.- First there was Madoff, now there is Principe... In addition to his no-show status, Tom developed an elaborate scheme to game the system. For the past 10 years, even when there has been no team (and even more dastardly, before he was even working at TRx), he has managed to drain the TRx well under the auspices of needing cash for new uniforms. Somehow, this all got past Greg from Finance, who never suspected something was amiss, despite seeing invoices for Blindfolded Cricket uniforms, or even Coed- Naked Mud-wrestling uniforms...
John- Not really a new player, but a returning player after a multi-year hiatus, the man with 1,000 nicknames ends his hibernation and makes his triumphant return to the scene of so many injury-plagued softball seasons. Look forward to seeing a plethora of braces, headbands, and other paraphernalia adorning JR, making his joints even stiffer and causing him to run slower than he already does. With his dual role as both TRx client and softball teammate, JR will have even more of an excuse to say "Not my fault" when things go awry. But if he makes it through the season with all of his limbs still at least partially attached to his body, he will be a happy Johnson.
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| How many more braces can he wear? |
Returning Players:
Terry- As last year's starting pitcher, Terry was somehow able to maintain his poise on the mound, despite David constantly saying "wait for your fielders... hold on Terry... wait for your fielders" or talking about getting out of an inning and taking it in the bottom. A force both on the mound and at the plate, Terry always has a positive attitude, and with the defense behind him, that is a good thing. Hearing about his upcoming pitching controversy, Terry turned to Malcolm Gladwell, and followed in the footsteps of this guy, claiming to have put in over 10,000 hours of practice over the off-season to become even more of a pitching expert. Can he lead the team to the promised land?
Mike- With Terry missing the first game, Mike boldly took to the hill and pitched a fine first game of the season, beginning what may be a season-long pitching controversy. While Terry turned to Gladwell, Mike attempted to give the team a leg up by teaming with the University of Pennsylvania towards the development of a pitching robot. While the early results weren't that promising, hopefully this robot will be perfected by the end of the season. It will be even better if it doesn't count as an actual player on the field, as our defense can use all the extra players we can get.
Brian- Brian the remains the Brains behind the TRx operation. Slowly working his way through each department within the company, this year he hopes to play every position on the softball team as well. Soon, he will combine this vast array of information to take over the world, or at the very least, the softball league. He will then create a new and improved SMQ score (Softball Metric of Quality), showing TRx as the best team in the league, and awarding us the mythical national championship of softball.
Old Demps- The crafty lefty returns this year as on-the-field manager. In addition, he will continue to take kickbacks from the Iron Abbey and urge the team to go there both before and after games, (or even during games on the rare occasions when we have more than enough players). A former track star, even his advancing old age hasn't been able to slow him down. Old Demps keeps himself physically fit and mentally strong during games by smoking cigarettes while in the outfield, and sometimes while at the plate as well (substituting Twizzlers when necessary). So when people say Old Demps is just blowing smoke, they are usually speaking both literally, and figuratively.
Aaron- During the off-season, Aaron went on a world-wide vision quest in an attempt to one-up his brother Moses' parting of the Red Sea. This year he was successful in his attempt to make the Bering Straight crooked, but didn't foresee the dramatic consequences his mystical water-based miracles would have on Japan and the rest of the world. This season, Aaron plans to use these powers for good, to the tune of controlling the weather during games. Whether/weather it be making in rain (not in the Pacman Jones sense, which will be disappointing to Kevin) to help protect a lead, or causing swirling winds to guide the ball into the gloves of the TRx outfield, Aaron will be in control.
Steve- While Steve continues to sing his own praises over his lengthy division III baseball career, you do not want to get on his bad side. Following in Manny's footsteps, Steve underwent anger management courses during the off-season after getting thrown out of a game last year due to the exchange of pleasantries with one of the umpires. Steve has come back a new man, as he awaits the day when his son, famous for starting "LET'S GO, DADDY" chants (presumably for Steve, but maybe he just really likes the Danica Patrick GoDaddy.com commercials), will be old enough to join the team.
Kristin- Recently engaged, Kristin is dedicating this season to her future husband. In fact, she has vowed to wear her engagement ring during games, and use it to distract the opposing team- either by reflecting the sun into their eyes while the ball is in play, or by just punching them in the face. If all else fails, Kristen is also owner of one of TRx's mascots, Chloe, and also has plans to unleash the hounds while TRx is up to bat, hoping the beast will run out onto the field, grab the ball, and just keep going.
Christin- Christin continued to have a full schedule in the off-season, pursuing her musical career (providing motivation for Night Ranger and their hit song Sister Christin and collaborating with Kristen as the white female version of Chris Kross) and continuing to hone her excellent footwork due to all the kick saves she made as catcher last year (touring with the U.S. soccer team after the World Cup and guiding the Flyers to the second round of the playoffs). She also continues to recruit more people with slightly different spelling variations of Christin/Kristen/Krysten to join the team. In addition to Kristen, Christin also has a dog or two in the fight for TRx team mascot, namely, her dogs Sophie and Oliver. Shockingly, in the recently released results from Forbes America's favorite mascot contest, these two beasts, as well as Chloe and Parker were shut out of the competition. This, as well as TRx missing the playoffs, are two grievous injustices that must be remedied this year.
Shannon "The Cannon"- Shannon hopes to Sheppard the team through any tough times this season. Nicknamed for both her strong arm in the field, and her collection of war memorabilia, Shannon shows a level of determination so intense it is only rivaled by GLG's desire to have his bulbous head stop growing. An ardent student of Sun Tzu's Art of War, Shannon typically has multiple weapons on her as she runs the bases, including a shiv stolen from Krysta last year, and she is not afraid to use them. Shannon also continues a tradition started by Ana years ago, of spewing profanity while up at the plate. But it's always good to use your words...
TO- After hearing about the umpire feud of last year, TO followed in the footsteps of Loomis, and began MMA training in the off-season. Hopefully, he will attend on of the games wearing his gi (not that there's anything wrong with that), to strike fear into the hearts of our opponents. With his new-found connections to the underbelly of modern MMA training, TO has developed a nice little side job, which unfortunately led to the downfall of TRx in their first game of the season (as well as the downfall of Golden's shirt). Hopefully, TO isn't also using said substances, as it could result in an unfortunate battle between him and Bear...
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| Why is TO fighting Bear? |
GLG- GLG, already a feather, became a father during the off-season. So look forward to him answering every time Steve's kids yell out "Come on, Daddy." He also loves it when you call him Big Poppa. GLG looks to set the career world record for his patented over the shoulder catches this season, which are made even better when he throws off his hat as well. In addition to his softball duties, GLG has vowed to protect his family from all enemies, including zombies. With the softball team a surrogate family for him, we are all invited there for the apocalypse as well. Oh yeah... he's also got a bulbous head (that sometimes bobbles), and three heads are better than one...
KB- Responsible for write-ups, some of which lead to umpire feuds, KB spent the off-season in disguise as he feared reprisal. While disguised as Ron Jeremy, he helped Batman fight crime, and also otherwise served the community. While his costume led to a multitude of creeped-out stares and a large majority of the community wanted nothing to do with his services, but there was a small portion that appreciated his effort. They always had weird music on when he arrived at their doors as well...
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| With Batman and Ron Jeremy, TRx can't be stopped! |
With TRx already in a 0-1 hole, can they rebound to make the playoffs this year? Will Remington make it through the season uninjured? Will Christin run through first base when she hits the ball? Will Steve survive the season without getting thrown out of any games? Game on...
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