Thursday, February 24, 2011

Monk Reincarnation Ban in China & Taxation of Witches in Romania

So China is set to pass a new law stipulating that Buddhist monks in Tibet must seek permission from the Chinese government for reincarnation.  The Chinese state administration for religious affairs described this law as an important move to "institutionalize management of reincarnation."  Obviously, this is a ploy to effectively allow the Communist government to select the next Dalai Lama.  However, beyond the political and religious ramifications, I wonder what the process will look like to actually get this permission.  Will there be a form with the following fields:
  • Are you the Dalai Lama or a different Tibetan monk?  (If yes, proceed to go fuck yourself)
  • What do you plan on being reincarnated as? (If the second, or in this case, 14th, coming of the great leader, proceed to go fuck yourself; if a piece of grass, proceed)
How will they determine and impose punishment if someone has the audacity to be reincarnated without the permission of the Communist regime?  Will there be an a priori proclamatino- "I forbid you from being reincarnated as the Dalai Lama!" or a posteriori punishment "How dare you be reincarnated as the Dalai Lama!"  I can only imagine the mayhem if this happened while said Tibetan monk was visiting the U.S. and at a major league baseball game, which was then rebroadcast without the expressed written consent of MLB...  China and MLB would join forces to take down everyone!

Perhaps these monks should consult some from the witching industry in Romania.  In a move to increase revenue and crack down on tax evasion, the Romanian government has added witches, astrologers, and fortune tellers to their labor code.  In the past, people in those professions used their lack of registration to avoid paying income taxes.  Under the new law, they will now be taxed and make contributions to health and pension plans. 

My question is, how did these witches and fortune tellers allow this to happen?  Clearly, any fortune teller or witch worth  their concotion of "cat excrement and a dead dog" would have been aware this law was coming beforehand and either used their magical powers to do something, or at least organize some sort of protest.  If the Egyptians can do it, anyone can, especially if they can see the future. 

Also, now that these are recognized as legitimate professions, wouldn't this open these people up to all sorts of lawsuits, if the  fortunes they predict or spells they cast don't work?  Either way, the only witch I'd trust is a sandwich, made by my own two hands (just to make sure I have just the right amound of cat excrement and dead dog for flavor).

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