Don't Nobody Have More Smarter Educations Than Auburn

After winning the college football national championship, the Auburn football team reflects quite well on the quality of education that can be obtained at this institution of higher learning (or more likely learning how to get high for these players).  According to the Academic Progress Rate, Auburn finished 85 out of the 120 major college football programs.  A stellar job...  On top of that, another study showed that white players on the team graduated at a rate of 100% while black players were at only 49%.  Here are some quotes from these so-called STUDENT-athletes:

• Auburn linebacker Josh Bynes- "Throughout the whole week of preparation and everything before this game, they hadn't showed not one defensive highlight"
• Josh Bynes- “And, today, we did the same thing. I think that’s what this defense and this team was built on, the resiliency of going out there and playing to the final whistle.”
• Auburn QB Cam Newton- "I don't want nobody to feel sorry for me, because throughout this year didn't nobody feel sorry for Auburn" 
• Cam Newton- "It's not even sunk in"
• Cam Newton- "This week, everyone knew the eyes was on the Auburn defense to see how they would respond to Oregon's offense"

At least their coach, Gene Chizik, is about as stupid as his players are, with this comment regarding the academic performance of his team- “We do a great job, so we’re not concerned with that.”  When pressed on the issue of graduating black players, Chizik said, “Those are circumstances; there’s all kinds of different things.” 

• Another quote from the cunning linguist Josh Bynes about the black-white graduation rate disparity- “Maybe because it’s — never mind.  I don’t want to say nothing.”

For more on the shenanigans going on at Auburn, see this New York Times article.  In the meantime, hopefully the rest of the Auburn football team don't say no nothing about no thing...